DH’s mother is having a 60th at a very well-known luxury hotel (the sort that does back-to-back weddings), with 100+ guests. Absolutely fine in itself, but it’s turning into a full-scale production that we seem to have been quietly allocated roles in.
We’ve been told we’re “down” for the entire weekend (Friday drinks, Saturday black tie dinner, Sunday brunch) rather than actually asked. The hotel is about 2 hours away and rooms are £280 per night with a two-night minimum as part of the “package,” plus £95pp for the dinner itself.
We have two DC (7 and 4), and MIL has been quite clear it’s strictly adults-only as she doesn’t want children “disrupting the ambience,” which I do understand in principle, but it does mean we’re expected to arrange (and pay for) two nights of childcare on top of everything else.
She’s also circulated a “look” for the weekend — muted tones only as she wants everything to feel “cohesive” in photos. I mentioned a dress I already own and she said it might be “a bit much,” which I did find slightly… odd.
We’ve now seen a draft seating plan and DH and I are on completely different tables as she wants to “mix families,” again fine, but it would have been nice to be asked rather than just told.
On top of that, DH has been told he’ll be doing a speech, and I’ve been asked if I can “help coordinate things on the day” so it all runs smoothly (apparently I’m “so organised”).
There’s also been quite a bit of emphasis on it being a “special milestone,” with comments about close family “making an effort” with gifts, which hasn’t exactly been subtle.
By the time we factor in hotel, dinner, childcare, outfits etc., it’s looking at the best part of £800–£1k for the weekend.
DH thinks this is all perfectly normal for a big birthday and that I’m overthinking it, but I can’t help feeling it’s quite a lot to dictate to people rather than just invite them.
AIBU to feel a bit put out?