AIBU to feel quite put out about MIL’s 60th weekend?

Fuck that shit. 60 year old princess my arse.

I can't bear it when people think they can decide for you how you will spend your money and the time you "should" spend away from your children. Those are your decisions not anyone else's.

Ooh I LOVE this

Still not good enough. If she is directing your time and energies she should be footing the whole bill not telling you how to spend your money!

Coffee family only?

I would refuse to go without her grandchildren.

Just send your husband on his own , tell her that you can’t get your mum to babysit that weekend . The entire thing sounds ridiculous , especially wanting family to stay for the entire weekend as long as they aren’t children in which case they aren’t invited at all - so much for wanting to be surrounded by family .

To me it's not in the least bit normal to put people down for multiple nights in luxury hotels and meals without actually asking them if they can afford it?!

I don't know anyone who'd willingly spend 1k plus on another person's birthday except spouse or their own kids. And only if they were fairly wealthy.

She sounds so self absorbed..who even organised such a grandiose affair on their own behalf to celebrate themselves while forcing others to pay for the privilege?!

I was sixty a fortnight ago. I had big balloons and a small cake but we’re all different.

Your MIL’s difference is that she’s absolutely barking mad, inconsiderate, entitled and borderline spiteful.

I’d be using this as practice in using the word “no” before she’s “assuming” you two will pander to her every whim as she declines towards the inevitable. Run. Run fast and run now!

Blimey! Is her name Hyacinth??

I will be 60 next year and my desire is to leap around to Underworld with my friends! It all sounds so contrived and....elderly!

Does MIL play golf or bridge by any chance?

As they say where I live, your MIL has got tickets on herself. I wouldn't spend that amount of money and send my kids away for the weekend for a 60th birthday party. Who does she think she is?

Whilst this is a significant birthday the expectations of and cost burden to others is totally disproportionate.

I wonder how your MIL would react in reverse if she was expected to meet her demands on behalf of someone else?

Aside from anything else it’s a huge breech of etiquette to dictate that other people spend a considerable amount of money on yourself for their enjoyment.

I also find her attitude totally contradictory in respect of the importance of family whilst excluding grandchildren and expecting their parents to work logistical miracles to arrange childcare.

Is this reflective over her usual behaviours (albeit heightened by the event) or out of character?

I am not sure how I’d respond if I’m honest. Realistically I’d probably suck it up through gritted teeth to keep the peace, but I would also forever onwards feel my reserves of goodwill utterly drained as a result.

Lordy no, I just wouldn’t want to go even if o could afford it.

They are paying for drinks, apparently. Serve her right if the entire party gets shitfaced and a load of punch ups break out as a result.

Christ on a bike! 😵We went out for a meal at the local Italian for my parents' 60th birthdays. The whole thing sounds fucking ridiculous.

Philippa Perry says when faced with a choice between resentment or guilt always go for guilt as resentment is more damaging. So in this situation I think her advice would be to not go

Is it possible that something has happened like she's just received a bad diagnosis or something? If she's suddenly turned diva like this, is there any chance it's a sudden desperation to "make memories" and leave loads of photos for family?!

And you're expected to pay for food on the Saturday as well?!

What, exactly, are MIL and FIL paying for?

Because it sounds like their "guests" are paying for pretty much everything.

Fucking mental.
I’m 60 in July, DH and me are going to Paris, I wouldn’t expect any family to play a part in a poncy, showing off party but then I’m the furthest away from ‘look at me’ events that it’s possible to be < shudder > .
Any family party would have my Grandchildren front and centre.

Blimey, who does she think she is? The Queen of Sheba?
What a ridiculous amount of fuss for one persons 60th!

Im afraid I’d not be attending all that nonsense. One day is fine- a nice meal or an evening party, but not a whole weekends worth.

Maybe I'm jealous (I'm so not) because I turned 60 in the middle of Covid and couldn't even have anyone in the house, let alone a big party! I was just going to meet up with my kids for dinner out. All this fancy restaurant, big hotel, 'got to look cohesive in the photos'... bollocks.

I'd sit it out, OP. Send DH and if she moans tell her that it's too hard to get babysitting (she should have thought of that). Has nobody else in the immediate family got young children? She could have hired a nanny to take care of them while you ate, at the very least.

I pity this fool. To get to the age of 60 and not yet realise that true wealth is not this stupid circus she is putting on, but in having your family and GC right there to celebrate with.
stupid obnoxious woman.

Blimey, she sounds a nightmare-wouldn’t be going to any of it!

I would have the whole family down with covid

Wow, OP. I think you're being remarkably reasonable about this. Her demands are (IMHO) clearly ridiculous - looks like we're all agreed on that. The decisions you have to make are basically whether it's in everyone's best interests if you just humour her (at expense and hassle, but not end of the world) for the weekend or whether it's worth resisting. Not an easy decision to make. Good luck!