AIBU to feel quite put out about MIL’s 60th weekend?

Me too. I had a lovely dinner with my children and partners. A homemade cake was the highlight😃

Perfection.

If 100+ guests are coming then yes it’s quite normal in their circle and plenty of others. It’s a hotel at £280 a night….it’s not the Ritz. All her children are coming and can easily afford to attend. The OP will look like the arse end of donkey if she ‘makes a point’.

She wants immediate family there but not her own grandchildren? I’d say you’ve been let down with childminders and not bother going to be honest. She sounds insufferable x

The mother-in-law behaves like this because people let her get away with it. I can't imagine acquiescing to her ridiculous demands... why do people do it? 🤷🏼‍♀️
Someone needs to take her down a peg or two, she is ripe for the picking and it would be very satisfying I'm sure.

Exhauating. Sounds like the wedding she thinks she didn't have. Nightmare!

I guess the question is has she always been like this and did you know what you were marrying into. Personally if someone told me my dress was too much, I would wear it anyway if I liked it. I would do me with the gift also. I guess it’s down to what you are happy with. I would not be happy dumping my kids though.

Just thinking of my 60th. We had a party in the back garden. Just DH and five DC and six DGC. We hired a bouncy castle, had a paddling pool and a bbq. No dress code. It was lovely.

What circles do you mix in where people are expected to pay a thousand pounds to celebrate someone else's birthday?
I think the over the top celebrations are bonkers with photos for social media but if she wants it she should pay for it herself .and not put expectations on other people to not only pay but be on call to help throughout the whole affair!
It's self centred and very strange

Haha, love this!! She sounds absolutely mental and controlling, I'd be sending DH without me. Someone needs to make a stand against this lunacy.

You think it's normal?

Did you read the post?

A whole weekend, Friday to Sunday, all arranged.
They have to pay a grand
And an expensive present
DIL will be given tasks to do to help organise
They are told what colours to wear so msy have to buy new clothes as well

I don't think this is normal at all. A party, yes, absolutely. A night away at a nice hotel, again yes. Presents, yes. The rest of it, absolutely not.

I wouldn't be going at all. She can suck it up. So she's 60, big deal for her not for anyone else.

I was 60 last year. Went for a meal with my dh, and my three children with their partners.
I totally agree with you, it over the top and pretentious.

It’s not ‘normal’ for guests to spend hundreds of pounds on a hotel for a 60th! (2 night stay plus £95 meal)

It’s fine and normal but you knew Mumsnet would rip it apart. Your husband wants to go and wants you to go to support him. You can afford it. You have childcare. Just go. You’ll look like a right twat being the only one to show up for one night.

OP, you sound lovely and I’m sympathetic that you have to deal with a MIL like this for many years. Highly selfish behaviour, and these “landmark birthday” celebrations are ridiculous. I can’t get my head round the fact that she expects people to devote this much time and money to Fabulous Me. I’d be pondering DH’s role in enabling her behaviour.

She’s a total diva and l would be quietly seething, but it’s sounds pretty unavoidable so l’d probably chose to reframe it in my mind and have a sense of humour about it ! Thank goodness for your parents and childcare and it might actually turn out to be a nice weekend away with your DH in a posh hotel . What l would do though, is be completely missing when any “duties” are allocated or just not do them .. be awol and stay under the radar so your husband can take the strain and you can enjoy yourself . Make a decision to mix and enjoy the people there and you might find even have a good time .

I agree.
Come to this hotel (pay for it), wear clothing bought to fit my specifications, (buy something new as I don’t like that dress you suggested), come to dinner,(pay for it) and make speeches about me and then give me an expensive gift. (Don’t bring the grandkids as they might take some of the attention). Thanks x

I'm 60 this year too, I think it will be a trip to the pub.

There might be a get together later because a relative turns 40 and we are fed up of only meeting at funerals.

I’m all on for celebrating milestones (or anything else, really, I tend to not need convincing!). The expectations here, however, particularly around guests paying for the meal, are a bit crass. If you invite people to a celebration, you at least pay for their meal, right? Leaving grandchildren out of the entire weekend feels distinctly odd.

Both sides of our family love to celebrate and milestone birthdays are as good an excuse as any. For both my mother’s and MiL’s 60th birthdays, there were big celebrations at posh hotels. Our parents/ PiLs really wanted us to be there, and did put gentle pressure (we didn’t need that much persuading!). But my father and FiL respectively paid for their children (plus partners) and grandchildren to stay for the weekend and for the entire meal. Grandchildren (not many at that point) were guests of honour, but hotel babysitters were also hired for later in the evening so parents could relax.

More recently we celebrated my mum’s 80th. This time around, her children and their partners covered most of the costs and made sure she was well pampered. There was no pressure to be there (but, again, very little persuasion needed!), and people chose themselves how long they’d stay. There were more grandchildren there than anyone else, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

It sounds absolutely intolerable.
My mum had a big do for her 60th too, I didn't go, but that's a story for another thread.
Just blame childcare issues and say you can only do the Saturday night. Let DH do what he wants.

It sounds like a joke. I can’t imagine having such a sense of self-importance.

Im glad she changed her tune about the grandchildren. Odd to do such a performative stunt around family without them.

I think the £95 for dinner is incredibly rude and tacky! She’s either throwing the party or she’s not! Guests should not be paying for dinner! SIBU!

Final note, my uncle had a big do for his 60th. At the time it seemed odd and a bit out of character. It turned out he had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and wanted a final hurrah. He disclosed his diagnosis in the following weeks.

My inlaws did lovely celebrations for their joint 60th, but arranged and paid for it all and we just had to turn up, with the kids as they were invited too. This just sounds like a right pain in the arse and a Fortnum and Mason do on a Sainsbury's budget. I would go for the dinner and stay a night if we could get childcare. For us family were childcare for a night away so it would have been impossible if they were all involved.

She sounds insufferable. I guess just have a few extra drinks and realise it will be over with one weekend and then that's it

My 60th was spent alone because it was COVID and lockdown. no bubbles or anything