AIBU to feel quite put out about MIL’s 60th weekend?

It’s batshit. But unfortunately your DH doesn’t share that opinion so tread very carefully

It is her choice. But like any event where you choose to make it expensive, awkward and unpleasant for your guests she has to also accept her choices are going to piss people off and mean a lot of people won't come.

MIL wanted to have a family holiday for her 70th so that is what she did but it was all picked with everyone in mind so worked for the children as well as the adults and it was a lovely week.

Well if MIL doesn’t consider her own grandchildren immediate family, I wouldn’t be considering myself immediate family if I were in your position so I just wouldn’t bother going. But then I am 60 myself and give zero fucks about anyone else’s expectations.

I feel you, OP. My MIL does outlandish things too, and has crazy expectations for everyone. DH and his siblings scurry around, meeting the expectations, even when MIL changes plans on a dime. But they’ve grown up with it, so to them, this is normal.

Can’t lie OP, I was howling while reading this because it’s all so extra 😭

Has she been going through some sort of hardship, crisis, something lately? I’m just wondering why she’s going so OTT about a 60th.

It all sounds a bit overdone to me.

Why can't she do a family day and evening including, you know, the grandkids, and an adult only day if she's so fired up about an all weekend do. Also, she may not like it but times are tough and that was a a lot of money to go to a damn birthday party.

Is she always this bossy?

I'd slide out of organizing stuff for her. She sounds hard to please and nothing good enough and you'd end up paying for stuff. Be busy.

I guess she never heard the it's an invitation, not a summons line.

Whatever happened to a family meal out at a nice restaurant and some presents? Bloody hell.

My family are clearly short-changing me. I'm four years away from a major milestone. Right - a long weekend at the Ritz, dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant... Or maybe a long weekend in the Maldives? All the guests have got to wear purple... thinks, thinks.

This is going to be fun.

It's fine. Her birthday, her choice.
I wish I got to celebrating my sixties.

Is she always so high maintenance? And why do you have to pay for dinner to an event you're invited to?

This.
100% this!!

Absolute cheeky fuckery of the highest degree. If she's not paying for you, ( which I think she should) then I certainly wouldn't be spending £560 on a poncey hotel, but finding a Travelodge nearby. I cannot understand why so many people these days think it's acceptable to virtually force people to spend vast amounts of money on someone else's celebration, whether that's a birthday, a hen/stag do or a "destination " wedding. I love to party and entertain, love celebrating with friends, but wouldn't dream of that. In fact, I have simplified plans or changed restaurants in the past so that friends with more limited means can join in with a celebration.

Is her name Hyacinth?
Or is she in her own series of Succession?
I would go the Friday night, leave DH there to do the rest of it if he wants to.
I am not far off 60 and this is so demanding. And you organising and the DH speech?
Grim and performative.
I’ve just seen an episode of the reality show about Tyson Fury and they organise a 60th for his dad in Mottram Hall in Cheshire. It is rowdy as hell, the kids are running everywhere in the hotel causing havoc and now I just hope they book into your MIL’s hotel for another party when hers is on.
Not having the GC there? Wardrobe dogma? It’s a certain type of fresh hell.

MIL does like things done properly
Really? Because telling people they have to spend a massive amount on your birthday and doubling down on the rudeness by telling people what to wear are both terribly uncouth. The whole event is very far from doing it properly.

I’m 60 soon. We are having a family dinner my daughter is going with me to London for a weekend.
All your mil’s plans are over the top.

Wow . Just wow. " She likes to do things properly" . No she doesn't because otherwise she would realize how unclassy it is to invite guests to a party and then expect them to PAY . How trashy of her my dear.
Close family doesnt include grandchildren? Or does she want to pretend she's too young for them. And to want to celebrate yourself achieving 60 ?! Not that unique , not that special , and if she has to organize it herself obviously nobody else thought to do it for her.
Off you fuck MIL .😳

Say no and if your H gets annoyed he’s U. Unjustified and icky to side with his mum on this, even if his background was like Made in Chelsea.

If you piss MIL off by saying no, so what?

Her plan is shit and costly for guests. I’d not want to be associated with that and make small talk with them and have to be nice about MIL.

The nerve of her to ask ‘ if I can “help coordinate things on the day” so it all runs smoothly (apparently I’m “so organised”)’

When I was 60 my eldest of 8 grandchildren was 14.

DH or not, it's odd your MIL doesn't regard her grandchildren as immediate family. Imagine them grown up, looking at the photographs and questioning why they weren't invited to granny's 60th - especially as she's making it such a big event.

That's my point.

She's 60 now and being incredibly demanding. If they give in to this now, she is likely to get worse and worse as she gets old.

Jesus, absolutely this! Who does she think she is? Sounds like the kind of nonsense people demand for hen parties.

Does she have no shame?

Uh wow. My 60th was in my local church hall and I provided booze, hot meals and puds, posh cake and entertainment for the kids. My mind is boggling at the thought of demanding this from friends and family (actually I think if I tried it we’d be pretty short of company).

Sixty isn't old! 🙄I barely noticed my 60th and my 70th, though our son and daughter are insisting on doing something for my upcoming 80th, though they have yet to tell me what. 😉