Staying in touch with adult children

Can you go visit him?

As someone 25 living at home I would never dream of doing this to my parents if I lived out. When I lived out for a year for postgraduate education I called my family every day.

My mum calls her mum everyday.

Get a family WhatsApp group. That's how we communicate more frequently. It allows contact at more convenient times for everyone.

Could you start a family wattsapp for an online daily puzzle or talking about sport / news / whatever common interest?

It works well for my 3 (all different mixes of ND). Some days they don't engage, most days they do the puzzle and post their time. A few times a week it sparks a bit of a chat between everyone.

I agree with PP about 'out of sight, out of mind' may be a thing. Also, unless there is a reason for the contact he may struggle. So a general chitchat about "how's things" may feel pointless and a chore.

My guess is that he still loves you all and is glad to speak if it happens, but otherwise, out of sight out of mind.
Don't ask him to speak on Mother's Day or your birthday, that's putting on pressure, and it's meaningless if you've made him do it. Instead you could ask him what the best time of the day/week is to catch him in and regularly ring him at that time, weekly or maybe fortnightly. If he doesn't pick up or call you back, try again the following week or fortnight. Leave a nice message each time saying you'd love to catch up with him and gf soon.

And cultivate a friendship with his partner

Could you go and visit them?

You should be glad that your son has successfully launched, established a relationship and begun a family of his own. As a parent your job is now done. He has other priorities.

I can honestly say that once I moved away from the city of my birth I forgot about my family for weeks/months on end. Fortunately there were only landlines in the 1980s and even when mobiles arrived I never admitted to having one. It was not so much that I hated my family. More that I was first studying and later working at a job which involved travelling so I never thought about them until they contacted me..

Similar situation with my ds, just let him grow.

I only speak to my mum once every three months. We have a lovely relationship and spend hours on video call when we do connect. No, I don't wish to forget that she ever existed. I have no idea if she wants us to speak more often, she certainly never brought this up. We both have full lives, full time work, travel, hobbies which take up most of our evenings.

Sadly I think it's a boy thing. Try to be happy that you've bought up an independent young man who is happy with his life.

How old is he? Do you go to visit him?

I wouldn't do either of those. Just call him at regular intervals, and if he doesn't answer, leave a friendly message.

If you want someone to spend time with you, it has to be a pleasant experience for them. In this instance, any sort of comment will make him feel pressured (rightly or wrongly), so just be breezy and never mention how long it has been since you spoke last.

I say this as I am a son, although I do have a fractious relationship with my mother. There is always some barb about how long it has been since we spoke, and yet she rings me every blue moon, and always with something she wants, never just to say hello.

How often do you speak to him over WhatsApp?

If he's on the spectrum as you think he might be ... it could be a case of "out of sight out of mind" ... I've been reading quite a lot about this in relation to one of mine and her relationship history.

I'd raise it in a 'i would love to talk to you more often' rather than 'you dont talk to me enough'. Maybe a set day and time every 2 weeks or something?