To say we cant take his child full time?

Oh come on. Are we really supposed to believe that the children in this chaotic setup have desks in their bedrooms, go on residential school trips, have swimming lessons, or go to Scouts? The stepson and daughter don’t even have their own dedicated sleeping areas.

You need Stacy Solomon. She’ll sort you out.

You're wasting your time. That poster lives in amongst stereotypes and will defend it to the death. No matter how daft it makes them look.

She isn’t Mystic Meg of course but there’s always a chance a child will want to swap and live with their other parent. Plus he was staying over at the weekend but had nowhere to sleep as it was, which isn’t fair at all.

I don’t know why they decided it was ok to not just have one child together but three when they already had three to different relationships. If they could afford the children, they’d move into a bigger privately rented property.

And I don’t need knowledge of OP’s personal circumstances to back this one up to the PP who said that earlier in the thread, I just need baseline data. Someone living in an overcrowded council house with six kids almost definitely claims UC. If they earned enough to get off UC all together, as I say, they likely wouldn’t live in this overcrowded council house.

This too.

Honestly, don’t people THINK before procreating…

Me too…

And his dad should make sure he can live with his son by making appropriate arrangements.

Its your house you have the final say. Your partner will have to find somewhere for both if them. You don't need to split up.

Yeah that’s an unfortunate set up. Hard for DSS to see his half siblings and your kids living with you but him not ‘allowed’.

More of a case of got a load of prejudiced, officious answers about council houses and larger families and left.

You are so fucking ill-informed. Not all council houses are subsidised, far from it. Go and educate yourself.

You are right. There is not enough space for the DSS to move in with your family full time.
For the times he visits you need to improve the set up.

Apply for a larger house.
Look at ways to make more space ... park a campervan in your driveway? Ask your parents to have one of your children over to stay for a treat once per week.
Buy a tent.

Arrange for DH to stay with DSS14 and another of his children for one night per fortnight at his parents or camping. Make it a fun adventure. If camping, he could also offer to take one of yours for the trips.

Find positive ways to find more space for the boys.
Do they belong to a football team or do Scouts?

Perhaps he found some other off/on mug to house him in between being on/off with OP? Cocklodger.

Your dp needs to make it work. He needs to find a place where there is space for his ds. Your dp can’t just expect you to make it work and cram his ds in on the sofa. That’s terrible for the ds.

So he moves out to a place where his ds can live with him and have his own room.

I have read OPs post and replies and some of the other comments. It is hard to blend a family at the best of times. I'm wondering if there is a reason why the boy wants to move fulltime with Dad. He knows it's crowded, but he must have a reason. Is something happening at Moms?
Is it possible to have the 3 older boys use the bigger room? (I assume that the bedrooms are different sizes) The 2 younger boys have 1 room and you and your partner have the last room with the toddler. This would work until you can maybe get a larger place.

The only way I can see this working is by putting DSS in with the two oldest and keeping the two youngest boys together. When the time comes give your shared daughter the smallest room and the two of you in the living area on a sofa bed because your daughter can’t go in with the boys. Don’t have anymore kids.

This thread is everything that awful about MN now in a nutshell.

people with a council tenancy do not have to put their partners on that tenancy. In fact, many councils now advise against it incase of relationship breakdown.

Not having a partner on the tenancy, does not equal benefit fraud. Jesus Christ.

I suggest some people on this thread pull their heads from their arses and give it a wobble!

OP, I would put a sofa bed in the lounge for you and partner and toddler.
Juggle kids in bedrooms.
OR
Contact the council about moving due to overcrowding or look for a mutual exchange.

but you definitely need to have a conversation with DP about pulling his weight about the house and with the kids.

I don’t think there is actually an answer to this problem. The house is too small and cannot magically be made bigger and councils have extremely limited numbers of 4 beds available. Her partner has demonstrated that he simply won’t take on enough of the heavy lifting so her load will become unbearable and all the children will suffer if SS moves in and in many ways there is no compelling reason for him to do so. Obviously, in an ideal world if he wants to be with his dad full time he should be able to do so but the world is not ideal and sometimes unfair outcomes are the only option when multiple peoples different interests are involved. A few of the practical suggestions might be worth pursuing but most proposals aren’t workable or affordable. Criticising past decisions is pointless she is where she is. I’m sorry OP but unless society changes and starts to value children and families people in your situation will just have to suffer through. Just do what you can practically for all the children involved and hope for the best but the status quo is at the moment the best you can do no matter how sad for SS.

It is possible and if you can't make it happen then you shouldn't have the kids. I don't necessarily hold this view that all kids need a royal parlour each. There are worse childhood adversities than sharing bedrooms or having a small bedroom. However a bed at least is a basic necessity.

Incidentally I do know a couple who have 3 very different aged same sex children sharing one bedroom. They built a sort of triple bunk bed. The kids are the happiest, most polite kids you could wish to meet because they've been raised with love and respect. I don't think it's ever loving or respectful to not even provide your own child with a bed in this day in age though. That's indefensible.

You can roll your eyes all you want. There is a kid in this who is 6th priority after 5 step siblings. His dad and stepmum don't even care about him enough to provide him with a bed and yet he'd still rather be with them than his mum so I dread to think what's going on there.... Everyone involved needs to do better for this poor lad or he doesn't stand a chance.

I realize I’m in California.
I studied world history.
I studied about the Tudors.
I know about Elizabeth I.
Heck - we fought a war against one of your kings.
But we made up.
Elizabeth II was my only Queen too almost all my life. I admired her so.
Now we have a crazy man who thinks he’s a king running amok all over the place. Yes, a great many of us agree with you - dude’s gotta go.

I watched Charles III coronation.
I’m just startled to learn that there’s currently two Queens.

1. Camilla, and
2. The Queen of Mean, you

I don’t know how anyone could say no to a defenseless little boy, except a real-life wicked stepmother.

Come on people this is clearly a rage baiting post.

The OP hasn’t posted a thread before, tick

The OP states she has a million kids, tick

The OP states she has a council house, tick

The OP states her partner doesn’t share 50% of the bills, tick

The OP states her partner doesn’t help 50% with their joint kids, tick

The OP states that she doesn’t want her stepchild living with her, tick

Dont buy into these threads.

You chose to have a relaitionship with someone with a child and the fact the child may need to live with you ever crossed your mind? children are not disposable

YANBU.

If he wants his son to live with him then you’re not stopping him - he’ll just have to move out and sort out his own housing, rather than expect you to provide it. That’s his responsibility, not yours.