To say we cant take his child full time?

If she puts her husband on the tenancy and they split up
he could quiet easily refuse to move out
he could challenge her right to stay there if they split up

in fact most HA/Council houses don’t like adding people to a tenancy unless they have applied together and it’s joint tennancy in

Single parents to 5 kids in a council house (partner and father to 3 of them has been living there on/off for 9 years) are statistically more likely to receive other benefits including housing and council tax. If she can show us that she has worked and paid for everything I will apologise. I have raised 3 kids whilst working full time and being responsible for all dependents, but that was only because I had free childcare from my mum. Perhaps the OP gets free childcare from her mum and works full time to pay for everything, but she has diasspeared form this thread because she didnt hear what she wanted to hear.

I suppose if SS moves in there'll be extra child benefit and maintenance payments will cease.
The DD will eventually get her own space when the older teens 'move out'.
I bet the SS mum doesn't want him to leave.
I think a sit down and proper discussion with the adults involved (does she have a new partner?) and then with the SS, to decide the best plan for all going forward. To simply say your son cannot live with you is unfair.
Good luck, but i can't imagine a 3 bed house with 5 children in it never mind 6!

It’s concerning that people add more children to a household that is already full.
Why go on and have 3 more kids when you really don’t have the space for them?

I know there’s nothing you can do about it now OP, but it fascinates me that people don’t consider these sorts of things when it’s something as huge as having children.

I agree though that there really isn’t space for another full time body in the house. I don’t suppose trying to move somewhere bigger is an option?

What a catch. And 6 kids to boot.

Got yourself a winner there op. Exactly the type of man that I’d meet and think… well, he’s perfect for fathering three of my children

He certainly needs to do more parenting and chores. We don’t know salaries so don’t know whether split is fair. If a woman moved in with a man I am assuming there would be more acceptance of her DC being able to live there full time, even if her name wasn’t on the tenancy. In fact, posters would be worried she didn’t have any security if not on the tenancy. Also there are many threads where stepmums don’t pay towards the step children, so maybe the contribution split reflects the fact that 2 of the DC living in the house are his steps. Hopefully, he is currently paying maintenance to his ex, which will obviously swap if the son moves in with them.

If he is such cocklodger why the hell did the OP have 3 DC with him. What is going to happen when DD is too old to sleep in her parents’ room?

He doesn’t pay his share, doesn’t parent, and doesn’t do domestic jobs. Not on the tenancy. That’s a Grade A Cocklodger, regardless of how many times he impregnated OP.

They have three kids together and been together “on and off” (obviously) for a decade. I mean - i think there does come a point when the ol’ ‘mumsnet favourite chestnut of “cocklodger” perhaps not not be relevant

she got herself 3 more shiny new kids with him, how is he the cocklodger? What will happen when the toddler is too big to share in with parents. Presumably then OP will be motivated to change their living circumstances or will toddler be out on her own like SS?

He won’t move out…he’s a cocklodger with his feet under the table, with a view to get his son moved in too.

@DuvetInTheDaytime too late now but I hope others think before making babies. You had 2, he had 1. You had bedrooms for the boys. But you thought it was a good idea to have 3 more children 🤦‍♀️. I had two children that each have their bedroom. We can afford to provide for them financially and on all other levels. If I were to have more children I know the quality of life that I could give my two children would be affected. I feel so sorry for the kids in this situation. And the 2 year old girl will never have a space of her own. Madness.

Her name is on the tenancy.

I don’t suppose anyone can find their own shoes in this household

I bet this man cannot even find his shoes without op’s help.

@dippy567 Why would you think this would be the same? Surely you understand by this point in the thread that the house belongs to the op, not this man, he moved into op and her children’s house. His name is not on the tenancy. He does not contribute 50/50 financially. He cannot house any of his children. He also does not look after the home or the children. Op is doing the lion’s share of that too. He is nothing more than a hobosexual.

He needs to move out and provide a home suitable for all his children, do more parenting and do more housework. The man has children with the same level of forward planning as a 7 year old wanting a puppy.

It is their home, he moved it, they are partners with children together. He doesn’t own it but neither does she.

Why would one of her kids move out when it is her house?

Did you read the tread? No, thought not.....

The dad is not interested in being a father.

What would you do if he said your kids couldn’t live there?

He can't say that as it is her house. Try reading the thread.

His shoes are doing nothing for his son and leaving it to OP.

Hs is not a husband. He is a partner.

She is not refusing to allow her partner to be a dad. She does all the school stuff, washing and cooking for him. The partner leaves it all to her.

Try reading the thread.

She can have as many children as a frog but would you agree that it is up to her and who ever fathered them to provide for them.

If not, who do you think should?

She wasn't overcrowded when she met this man? Do you applaud her for making herself overcrowded by having three more children in an on/off relationship and thus making herself so.

Nailed it. This is why I left my last relationship, we are still friends but realistically when his son moved in suddenly full-time with him (but we weren't living together yet) I realised it was not going to work long term. Me and him both agreed our kids have to come first and there's no ill feeling between us. OP I don't think your relationship can work, he's either going to prove he's a shitty dad by not fighting to let his kid move in (which should always be an option for his own child to live with him) or he's gonna resent you for not letting him.

Could one of your kids move out (with their dad?) to make space? No, thought not...

Well said and my thoughts exactly. Poor little chap.

DH needs to think about 1) the reason - is this a boy simply waning to liv with his dad at a crucial developmental phase or is he running away from something, a fractious relationship with his mum etc.

2)what is the room situation when he stays as your op is vague, yes you're squashed but is that because he's in a room with one of your DC or he's in the living room?

3. essentially a child wanting to live with a parent and being told there's no room is very difficult to hear for them and could be quite damaging long term.

4. behaviour is kind of irrelevant unless he's posing a danger to those in your household, normal teen pishback you're getting from your own teens isn't a reason to not welcome him.