To say we cant take his child full time?

Theres an awful lot of benefits dodgers on here defending the lady and her man. The man decides he can’t be bothered to be a present father to his kids so he just pops in and out as suits him over 9 years whilst she lets the welfare state cover the responsibility of raising the kids.

And? What matters is that it’s her name on the tenancy. Not his. As such, it’s entirely up to her whether his son moves in or not.

If that doesn’t suit him then he’s free to make other arrangements regarding housing. He doesn’t need OP’s approval.

Leave her own house how does that work?

Yeah, this.

Sorry, OP, but his son came first.

I'm not sure there is an easy solution to this predicament. There are too many people wanting to live in a small space and whilst DSS can be accommodated for a number of days, a permanent move could cause emotional difficulties. Have you spoken with your DSS mum? Perhaps mediation and counselling could help the repair their relationship. There are a number of mediation organisations that provide the service FOC.

Why did you both have so many children when you don't have the room to look after the ones you already had?

They don't HAVE to inform the council. The council will likely know.

I know of someone who had five kids living in a 3bed. One boy, four girls but one of the girls and one of the boys had autism. The girl goes to a special school and is non verbal. She was supposed to have a room of her own as a result.

This obviously doesn't work if the boy also needs his own room.

To cap it off she decided to marry a foreign national and then applied for him to come over.

The council were not happy as she was already classed as over crowding. He was allowed to come because she had an income of 18k just from benefits.

But the point is she was not forced to move. The authorities are well aware of her living circumstances. She could have applied to extend the property at her own expense (she is allowed to do this and although councils don't tend to like this, due to a lack of larger properties, shed probably have been allowed it). But she hasn't.

So lots of agencies knew and still know. I don't actually know where all the kids sleep now. I suspect someone is sleeping downstairs in the only living room in the house because there's no where else for them all to go.

She's not a awful person. The kids are good. But yeah she could make better decisions.

In the OPs case she needs to find a way to make it work. Swapping houses, DP and son moving out, her two moving in with Dad... The poor kid obviously has a lot going on and needs support. This isn't his fault. The adults in his life need to sort their shit out.

She's already said he moved in a year ago not that he's been there for all of their 10+ years relationship. You do realise people can have a partner who doesn't live with them? Even for UC purposes the definition of a live in partner is someone who permanently resides in your home as if you're a married couple. A woman having a boyfriend stay over a couple nights a week isn't classed as living together. And if she is committing benefit fraud it's not you she has to prove anything to you nosey cow, it's a job for the DWP to determine whether or not she's claiming money she isn't entitled to. Your attitude is entitled thinking you can tell this lady to show you proof of her financial and tenancy information. Wind your fucking neck in

Just because her name is on the tenancy, doesn't mean he isn't contributing financially. And actually, further back in response to that exact point, she said he couldnt 'just move out' becuase they have shared children, so it wasnt that easy.

Yes, she’s the one whose house it is, and as such she gets to make the call as to who lives there.

If OP’s he wants to live with his son then he’s free to move out and sort out his own housing. She isn’t stopping him.

Well, they should BOTH look into a bigger house to accommodate all of their children no matter how often they stay in the house! All 6 of their kids (hers, his, theirs) should have a place to sleep comfortably.

Even without the DSS living there full time, the house is overcrowded which is the fault of both parent continuing to have kids they can't house properly.

What the fking hell?!
"If she can show us that she has worked and paid for everything I will apologise..."

Why on EARTH does @DuvetInTheDaytime have to prove a single thing to you? Especially when everything you are saying you have completely made up in your (bigoted) mind. You're outrageous!

I think dp should get his finger out and look into buying a bigger house then.

Neither of those things change the fact that she is the one refusing. She might be justified in doing so, but I was replying to someone who said "you created the family" and the sarcastic response of "yeah she created it all on her own"

She didn't create it on her own, it took two. But of the two, one party is refusing to fix it. Perhaps if him not helping with his son is an issue she could tell him when I start seeing you step up with these six children, then we can think about combining them all full time.

But ultimately if you create a blended family, you have to be prepared for the change in dynamic at any point.

The only place where the OP is claiming as a single parent is in your head dude. Your comments have been utterly outrageous on this thread. Shame on you.

She owes you absolutely nothing.

Council house does not = being on benefits. Maybe write it out 100 times to make it stick.

It is the OP's name on the tenancy.

The dad also leaves all the care of the son to OP. .

Well she's the one refusing, the dad also created the family and wants to say OK to the boy moving in.

To be honest your house is overcrowded

as a council house resident, are you abiding by your terms by having so many people living there? It’s a 3 bedroom house with 2 adults and 5 children - potentially 6 children now. I doubt a 3 bed council house was intended for 8 people to reside there. Presumably you’d need to inform the council and apply for a larger house.

But as it stands, the council has a duty to house you appropriately ie without overcrowding. Your current house doesn’t meet the needs, let alone if you moved another child in. It’s at the point where it totally impacts quality of life for all children involved.

I think you need to get to the bottom of why he wants to live with you in the first place. Is mum being hard on him because he is getting up to no good? Does he think your house is busier and a bit more chaotic so there will be less focus on where he is and what he is up to?
Regardless of the wrongs of rights of finding room for him you need to understand why and address that first.

I do wonder where dad lived the past 10yrs when op got preg with joint child and the last 9yrs before he moved in

and why on earth op kept having his kids when not living together

"DP does contribute but not 50/50 and no he doesnt do equal with kids if im honest I do most of it which is why im saying “it will work out” worries me because that usually means me sorting it "

As usual you have a DP problem!

You have all boys in the household and they need your DP to step up and direct the melee!
I understand your reluctance to assimilate another disruptive male into the household if your partner is already absolving himself of parenting so you need to address that first.

I know its a council house but rather than moving, could you afford to add a conservatory type structure or an insulated garden room to accommodate your 14yr old dss.

Absolutely, I moved to Ireland in 1983. My neighbours had a farm, the farmhouse had 3 bedrooms and for many years no bathroom. 5 children...Again absolutely lovely kids.
My new farming neighbours reared 12 children. They began with the standard 3 bed farmhouse then added a fourth bedroom. The grown up kids are all terrific adults. There is way more to parenting than the space available in the house.

Unless it's changed LCW doesn't lift the cap

The cap won't apply if you have a disability or health condition that stops you from working (so you get LCW/LCWRA), or care for someone with a disability, or you earn £881 or more a month. The vast majority of people on UC are not subject to the cap (I think it's around 98% but don't hold me to it).

Cap? What cap? Maximum you can claim? That cap?
Or are you talking about Maximum you can earn? Which doesnt exist.