To say we cant take his child full time?

YANBU blended families seldom work out in the long term.

I'm assuming your DP moved into your house? To be honest, I'd be worried that i'd been targeted for the house and potential domestic/nanny advantages.

Has he thought about getting a house big enough for all of you? What is your current housing situation.

Need ages and sexes - and size of house/number of bedrooms, where they all go to school - for more of a clue as to whether this would work or not.

In principle, yes, kids should be able to live with either parent. But if it's going to be an absolute shitshow then that might not be in anyone's best interests.

I understand not wanting to do it but your discomfort doesn’t outweigh the issues it would cause to turn him down. Just think how he’d feel being told no when your children live with you both (presumably that’s what you mean by a full house).

@DuvetInTheDaytimeif you can’t house all of your shared children then you either need to all move somewhere larger or you need to live separately.
Who owns/rents the house you’re currently in and where does he stay at the moment when he’s with you?

If his son would be happier living with his dad or staying there more then that needs to happen.

You are being selfish and if your partner allows you to block this then he’s a shitty father.

Who’s in the house? How many bedrooms? How old is your partners child and how old are your kids.

It is probably just a phase. He’d most likely miss his mum and his home. If it even came to it. His mum might not let him. Again hard to know without knowing his age.

I think we need more info

• How many kids do you have, ages and sexes
• how many kids does DP have, ages and sexes
• how many bedrooms in the house
• whose house is it
• what is the bills/rent/food split

YABU, you are expecting your own kids to live in your home so his should be able to too. You knew this was a possibility when you decided to live with someone with kids.

Your DP should put his child first.

If you’re not ok with that you should end the relationship.

You know this could be a possibility when you enter a relationship with someone who has children. Anything could happen meaning that the child needs to come and live with his other parent.
If you don’t want this to happen then you need to have seperate homes. I hope your partner is a good dad and prioritises his own child here.

You're missing lots of context here - ages of children, who owns the house you live in, how bedroom arrangements work when he does stay - it would help if you could fill in those details.

That said, ALL of the children need to come first (presuming they are all children and not adults) - his child and your children. This is where you need a family meeting to check how viable it is for everyone concerned. If there is broad agreement then it's your job as parents to work out the logistics.

If there isn't broad agreement, then you need to talk about how this child can live with his father - which inevitably means either him moving out to live with his child or vice versa. I accept the latter might be more difficult as you doubtless don't want to uproot your children, but as I say, as a parent, it's his and your job to find a way to make it work so that ALL of the children are being treated equitably and have a roof over their heads where they are safe and looked after.

YABU. Your DC live with you, his DC wants to live with him. Why do your DC take priority over his?

YABU and if you can't make this work then separating is the only fair option.

Exactly this. You can't pick and choose which children you allow to live with you.

YABU. He lives with your children. His son should be able to live there if he wants.

This about sums it up. Possibly the two of you won't be able to continue living together, which is unfortunate but that's how it goes sometimes.

Well if there’s not room then maybe one of your kids should move out and just stay on weekends so there’s space?

Unless the son is an adult then I think his Dad is as responsible for housing him as you are for your kids - you either move or split up or budge up and make space.

Why is his relationship with his child less important than your relationship with yours @DuvetInTheDaytime , as that is basically what you are saying . I assume his child has a mother so the likelihood is the most he would get is 50/50 and you should be supportive of that or split up and let him be the parent he wants to be .

Yabu

It’s a bit rubbish that you can have your kids around full time, and that’s ok and yet he isnt allowed the same right……

Exactly this.

There’s a lot of info missing here but ultimately you can’t expect to be in a shared home with a bunch of your kids and no space for his. So from the info you’ve given, yes you’re being selfish and it’s not just his issue to solve. If you don’t want to participate in finding a solution you need to both get your own separate homes, which it sounds would be best for all the kids

This. It’s your partners home as much as yours and he has as much right for his child to live with him as you do for yours.

YABshockinglyU

Your partner will need to step up and deal with the behaviour if that's an issue. You can't stop his son living there though, assuming that it's not your own house. You'll need to find a bigger place, will the mum be paying child support? Will you get extra benefits if claiming them, eg child benefit?

Bit thin in info OP, how many kids, how old, whose are they? Whose house is it? Do you both work? If any shared kids is childcare split evenly. In other words does your DHs ‘itll work out’ actually mean you’ll work it all out?

Yabu, this is your partner's child who is just as important as your own. It might have been helpful to explain your objections based on space and rooms