To say we cant take his child full time?

Haven’t read all the comments but have read everything from OP.
You can’t stop SS living with his Dad so the “it will work out” attitude of your DP is quite reasonable. It has got to work out, There no alternative to you making it work.
Having said that though, you do need more space - a bigger house, council or private - or two houses. A separate house nearby where DP can live with his son for a while would be my choice. It isn’t for ever. If SS is 14 then realistically he only needs looking after for another 4 years when everything can be reviewed. Also he might choose to go back to his mum when things have calmed down a bit. These teenage years are very important. Please don’t encourage your DP to reject/neglect his son at this important stage in his life as the long term consequences might be considerable.
Also please don’t think I am unsympathetic to your plight. I”m not, I know what a struggle a full house can be.

Hi op I know everyone is saying yabu but I wouldn't want it either with so many kids in the house already... surely his son is better off staying at mums assuming their house isn't full to bursting?

Maybe he isn't getting on with his mum and likes the OP better. Maybe he likes the idea of living with his half siblings. Maybe it has nothing to do with his dad at all.

And in this country, 14 year olds don't get to choose big decisions like this on their own. Lots of kids would likevto live somewhere else but the adults have to make decisions based on what is right for everyone.

OP does not owe this boy a full-time place in her home. There is novroom and it could lead to so many problems, affect all the other kids...

As the song says "you can't always get what you want"!

Seriously? I hope this is your attempt at wit.

Very sad that you think a court should have to “force” a man to take his own son in. The court don’t have to force him because he wants his son to live with him. Wanting to live with your own dad and siblings is not “calling the shots” 🤣 OP should not have entered into the relationship without thinking through the consequences knowing he already had a child. Or perhaps if they had no room for the kids they already had, they should not have had more children

But surely (irrespective of whether the 14 year old is there full or part time), the OP and her partner should be securing adequate housing for their children? They are already overcrowded and the toddler cannot sleep with them forever. 6 kids and 2 adults in a 3 bed just isn't feasible long term.

As a lot of posters have already suggested, a 14yr old can’t call the shots, and even if he had a preference to live with Dad rather than Mum, a court could not force Dad to take him.

Hi I am a bit late to this but you are not being unreasonable at all. I have been in your exact situation. In terms of practically and space it simply won't work. If he lives with you full time he also brings everything he owns so where does that go? Also a 14 year old squeezed in somewhere or on a sofa will become a 20 plus year old on a sofa...completely different. I think using emotional blackmail saying its his son etc is not helpful either. The house and the space available doesn't change x

Well said, this is exactly what should happen. You sound like a great mum 🥰 people should not enter into relationships with people who have kids if they are not willing to take on that child as their own. What would happen if the other parent for some reason was physically unable to look after the child. When you take on a step child there is always a possibility that child might have to come live with you full time. OP says her partner is a crap dad but yet she is literally encouraging him to be a crap dad saying he can only have his kid 2 days a week 🤷‍♀️

Yabu. His son has a right to live with his dad.

When me and my husband had similar circumstances . Lots of children in a small 3 bedroom council house with 2 more on a weekend . We used triple bunks and double bed bunks made for adults to created more space and we bought sofa beds and gave up our bedroom for the children .

Despite what some posters on here think, you can use a forum in any way you wish.

someone has also just cattily replied to a poster saying you should have read the replies…despite about 200 people before them already having replied and said the same. So the thread police get it wrong too sometimes ❤️

Just click read all of op posts if cba to read all replies

We don’t know why he only moved in a year ago. Maybe it was the OP that didn’t want him to move in earlier? Maybe it was benefits related? You are making an assumption that it was the partner who resisted living with his youngest 3 children.

That is not the child’s fault. The only person being punished by not allowing him to live with his father, is the child. Why should a child have to suffer as a consequence of bad choices and decisions made by adults? If the father is a shit dad then why does OP stay with him at all?? Cannot punish his son if she’s choosing to stay with this man who she claims is a shit dad 🙄 edited to add: he’s a total deadbeat lazy dad yet she continued having more children with this man rather than stopping at the 1. It would have been immediately apparent what kind of father he was after the first one, why then go on to have 2 more with him

I agree he probably won't move out he's got far too comfortable living with her and watching her do everything for all their kids. I bet he probably moved out of his mother's or something. He'd probably been there since splitting with his teen sons mum. He's then moved on to OP and had three more kids with her whilst living cushty at mummys not doing fuck all for those next kids he's created. I can imagine if his mother has grown a sense of decency she's probably chucked him out and packed him off to finally take some responsibility for the three kids he shares with OP. If she kicked him out he'd probably have nowhere to go. Wonder why his 14year old would want to go move into OPs house knowing there's no room for him though. If I was the OP I'd probably speak to step sons mum to find out why her son wants to leave hers to sleep on a sofa in an already overcrowded household

I genuinely apologise for not having RTFT. I was only able to read the first few pages as was dealing with some very traumatised patients at work, feeling v distressed myself by it, and just popped on here on a 5 min tea break in order to take my mind off things for a minute… But on reflection I shouldn’t have posted if I’d not had time to read the final few pages. It was poor judgement on my part, and I’ll consider your comment a learning curve for going forwards in the way I interact with the forum.

Something tells me he won't though, seeing as he's only lived with his other kids for a year and doesn't even bother doing anything like feed them or wash their clothes.

A decent man and father would leave if his partner said no, but I guarantee he won't.

I do think it's shit when stepmothers don't want the fathers kids moving in or to be there for more than they can tolerate, but that would mainly be in a situation where the father is a good dad and where he is involved in the actual parenting and cleans and cooks for them etc.

It's not admirable for a stepmother to take a child on when the father is a shit dad, then they're taking the child away from the mother for a different woman to raise them, when that woman may not be involved in his life in a year or two.

If there was abuse or major issues with the childs mother and he needed a safer and happier home then fair enough, but for all we know this is probably just a case of a teenager clashing with his mother like many of them do. OP has said he's not easy, so it very easily could be just the typical teenage stuff and it's still in his best interests to live with his mother, navigate through it and make it out the other side like most teens do.

OP has already stated there are 5 kids in their 3 bed house. 4 sons and one 2year old daughter. Theres 2 boys in each of the two bedrooms whilst OP, her partner and the 2year old are in the third bedroom. Partner's 14year old son already sleeps on the sofa when he comes to stay over so where will he sleep permanently if he were to move in if they can't even give him a bed for weekend stays?. OP is the only named tenant as her partner only moved in properly a year ago despite the 3 youngest kids ages 9 6 and 2 all being his kids too.

How do you know he has patented his son in any meaningful way up til now? It sounds to me like the boy's mother did the parenting and now he expects this partner to do it. He isn't lifting a finger by the sound of it.

Parenting involves much more than that.

Despite a 10 year on/off relationship and their eldest shared child being 9 he only 'took' his own children full time in the last year along with the OPs and has managed to avoid most of the childhood years living with the kids.
So I certainly don't think this man should be given much credit for what he's wiling to take on.

You're being unreasonable. When you enter a relationship with someone who has a child you take on that child as your own. Would you be ok if your partner said one of your kids had to go live elsewhere to make room for his son? Do you know how his son probably feels knowing he isn’t welcome to live with you but your kids are? His son has just as much right to live with you as your kids. If I was your partner I’d be planning to leave and find a place for myself and my son to live.

My bad as I missed the entire post giving all the kids ages and relationships. Its an entirely different story when you read that.

Stick to your guns. You are more aware than DH of family dynamics, and YOU will be shouldering most of the problems. Don't back down. Look after you!!

Pretty sure she said they are together about 10ish years on & off but only moved in last year.