To say we cant take his child full time?

Very true, and I'm surprised more posters haven't picked up on this. DP is showing zero indication that he's prepared to take on an equal share of the work of managing the situation. Which is quite rich for someone whose tenancy it isn't.

So imagine your DSS is living with you full time. What steps would you need to take to make it work for everybody? Can you carve your house up differently so everyone has their own space? Can you move to somewhere bigger? Are there aspects of having your DSS there all the time that you would actually enjoy? Do you need to work on building your relationship with him so you can get along better? These behaviour issues - if all behaviour is communication, what is he trying to say? Are you actually struggling to cope with things as they are and it would feel like one more thing to break the camel's back?

It would depend on a lot of things.
how old is your ss
how Will your partners work be balanced around his son
what part of the extra load are you expected to pick ip
where will he sleep
is school close

this came up with my sd once and I was prepared to make it work but the sacrifice was all
mine not her parents. It was decided by her not to move in the end which I was thank ful of and the next time it came up I was very much do what you like but don’t involve me ( dh was never involved in the day to day of my 2)

Surely HE should leave if he wants to put his child first? I'm willing to bet if it's him having to manage behaviour and childcare, DS would be instantly 'better off with his mother'. It's astounding how much men more men want to parent when they have a partner to do most of the hard bits day to day.

That's why he can't say more than 'we'll make it work'. He doesn't KNOW how. He has no idea WHAT he's 'making work'. He's never done it, and he isn't going to do it now.

I don’t think this DP should ever have moved in and that is on him. He has a dc to look after and he isn’t able to provide accommodation at moment for temporary visitation let alone full time. It is definitely your DP’s problem to sort it isn’t yours. He needs accommodation with more space.

Why did he move in if space was already an issue?

Omg - no!

he needs to find a two bed place and provide for his son - he’s in her house!

Yep, and the reality is that people who live in their partner's home when they're not married can't be choosers.

The solution is he moves out then. You can't just say sorry no you can't live with your dad because he's living with me and my children now. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with a man who would put other peoples children above his own.

she still made the choice to move someone in knowing that it was making a situation where all the children couldn’t be housed though.

He can’t because it’s her house

So it’s your house, does he contribute to rent / bill?. If you boyfriend wants to have his son live with him he needs to either move out and get a two bedroom for the two of them, or you need to move to a bigger house together?

It’s her bloody house!!!

This

I actually agree, you need to know how it's going to work. Where will DSS sleep for a start? Will he have to change schools? Will DP be doing extra childcare, school runs,housework, cooking etc? Until he can address these issues the answer has to be no. If DP really wants to live with his DS then he needs to get his own place.

I don’t get how everyone on these sorts of posts says you must you must- it’s easily explained why he can’t - it’s actually your j house and your tenancy - so the answer is “it’s not possible because I don’t have my own place”

I think people that say you must at any cost are u realistic - those people
also say don’t be a nanny with a fanny!

if you feel also your dp will leave you to do the parenting work it’s a definite no no

and yes his current behaviour does matter!!

your dp needs to be realistic and clear about how it may work - he could always go and rent somewhere else to accommodate him

YABU. How would you feel if he told you how often your children could stay in the home?

Hopefully his son is important enough that he's making plans to move out, so he can live with him🤞🏾.

yes, and I edited my post accordingly.

She posted her update while I was in the process of typing my post.

the council housed you and your own children in this house with a sole tenancy. If you’ve chosen to over occupy the house that’s a choice for you. However to add another full time teenager to the mix would be detrimental to your own kids I imagine. So partner moves out back to wherever he came from or to somewhere new and takes his son with him

How can any of us “say how” as you’ve requested, if we don’t have all of the details needed? Sex, number of kids, ages etc. how long have you been together. Is he the father to any of your children?

Living in overcrowding makes a huge difference to your question.
But it is still hard to offer thoughts on your situation practically, without crucial information (how many people currently live there, are they family, are they children, is it permanent or temporary).

Nailed it!

You are saying your kids matter more.

His child is just as important and if you aren’t willing to see that he should leave so he can provide a stable home for his child.

Your partner needs to find his own tenancy so he can accommodate his son.