To think there are more adult children left behind like this?

"Sorry", with Ronnie Corbett, was on BBC 4 tonight. I don't know if he worked though.

In other countries families live together unless there’s a genuine need to move out. I don’t see the problem myself. Extended family is a positive thing.

Maybe they like it? Maybe very lazy and lacking work ethic? If the parents don't mind (presumably that's the case) then there isn't really a problem I don't think.

I knew a couple of adults like this, the parents were very odd and controlling, the adult kids in their 30s were quite incapable as a result. Someone should have intervened much sooner, it was basically terrible patenting which caused it.

If that's really all it is, nothing but laziness, don't blame the parents. Laziness is most definitely one of the things you don't get to blame your parents for your whole life.

What goodwill

Isn’t this also a result of our modern society? Few people have supportive extended family, or live in small communities eg villages where people know each other and lend a hand. So individuals who struggle in new situations/ around strangers basically just have the nuclear family to fall back on ( if that).

The goodwill was going to run thin at some point.

They didn't have all this Neurodivergence on the 80s

What's the point of a diagnosis.

These are the undiagnosed Neurodivergent kids of the 80s. Unsupported, unable to fully access education, unable to function independently despite seemingly being relatively capable in some areas.

The very reason those of us with Neurodivergent kids want support, want education access to be improved, want services and opportunities for our children is so this isn't their future. It melts my head that people cants ee that

Ewwww, aren't you a fucking peach!!!!

Or more likely they're just bone idle and their parents have facilitated this all their lives. Not every personality defect can be excused as a MH problem.

Many years ago, when I was a young civil servant (now retired), there was a scheme to employ a percentage of people who could work but who did certain jobs eg messenger, filing, photocopying etc. They all lived at home with parents or other family - sometimes, they were in a sheltered housing situation - many were ND and/or had other MH or LD issues. Working and being part of a team was great for them and their families, they were included in social activities and managers ensured that they got home safely after nights out- they were always treated with respect in the workplace. I remember them with fondness and hope that they had good lives. This thread has made me think of them and how much schemes like this would help some of the parents on this thread and their AC.

My BiL was like this. When MiL died, DH gifted him his share of the family home on the condition that BiL started working and paid for the home's upkeep / bills. After a rocky start he found a job in a warehouse and doesn't earn much, but it's enough for one person in a small, mortgage-free home, and he is so much happier now he has a regular income and sense of purpose. So many wasted years, though...

I hope someone replies to you with something useful. I really worry about how my brother will cope and would love to know if there was anything I could do to help make his life easier for him to cope with eventually.

I actually don’t know anyone like this. I know people who live with their parents - but as part of fully functional multi generational households where all the adults hold down jobs and can socialise. No one in my extended family does this. So am quite surprised to hear others say it’s commonly occurring.

Yes I have family members like this.

It’s the parents failings and emotional invest in my family.

They may not get a pension but currently they would be entitled to pension credits.

I don't think they can sell the house if he is still living there, I don't think they can make someone homeless to pay for the care if the adult child is incapacitated. He should probably get a diagnosis to ensure he isn't made homeless and also apply for benefits.

Our next door neighbour was like this. He was mid sixties when we moved in and his parents had died a few years before. He was still sleeping in this childhood bedroom in a single bed and his parents bedroom was empty, basically a shrine to them. Very sad.

Why did you change it just out of interest?

My uncle is like this - now lives in my Nan’s house. I have a cousin who seems to be going the same way. She is 35 and works (as did my uncle) but still lives at home. Doesn’t live an independent life at all and seems to only go out with her mother. It’s quite sad.

How did this happen, do you think? A case of someone who does very well somewhere like school where it's quite regimented, in the sense that the rules are clear and it's obvious what you have to do to succeed, but then couldn't make it work in the adult world where you need to be more proactive and self reliant and the path isn't always clear? I know a few people like that.

I have a sibling like this in his 30s and it's an on-going bone of contention. He has no autism, is a perfectly capable adult and holds a steady job yet has never been pushed to move out.

My mum thinks she's doing him a favour letting him live at home but he has no life skills and I have absolutely no idea how he'll cope when my parents pass on and he'll have to eventually move out on his own out the family home.

I've tried to discuss it with them but it's an issue my mum buries her head in the sand. I think the expectation is me and my other sibling will look after him which absolutely won't be happening at all.

Those of you blaming parents, what exactly do you expect us to do? My son has a diagnosis of autism & ADHD, was forced into a special school as he was six years behind academically, we were told he had a mild learning disability. Well, guess what, he doesn't. He's of mainstream ability, he just got there much more slowly than everyone else. He never leaves the house, except for college (where he's catching up on what he missed by not being in mainstream education) . Every week me & my husband find clubs for him to join & and every week he refuses to go to any of them. He's too anxious to do anything, has no friends. What help is there for us?

Because the ons says so

Totally agree with this.

Some people have no interest in joining the rat race or having a busy social life and actively choose to stay on the periphery of society. It’s an easier life, and most of the examples given are of people who don’t claim benefits so they’re not a drain on the taxpayer. I don’t see what the issue is and why everyone jumps to the conclusion that it’s ’terribly sad’. I’m the opposite of these people - a classic type A who loves being busy - but even I can see the appeal of a quiet life where one can read, watch TV, listen to music, and see family every day, and not have to deal with the bullshit of modern life.

I'm 34 and this could have been me but I'm trying to turn it around. I was an obese child who went through puberty really early, hated it, got teased a lot and became very withdrawn at around 10/11 ish. Both parents (divorced so in different households) also babied me to the extreme and it became something of a perfect storm.
I did an artsy degree but lost all the weight through what almost escalated into an eating disorder and spent most of my third year barely leaving the house and most of my twenties unemployed.
Got a job in a supermarket in my late 20s and have been there since. I passed my driving test last month and am surprised at how much I love driving and quickly I took to it.
I'm currently torn between trying to retrain into better paid work (and potentially a career) or to pursue art again (very, very risky, I know). Am also paying attention to pensions and making sure there won't be any more gaps when it comes to my ni contributions.
Neither of my parents earned much money (both have more coming in now from their state pensions alone then they ever did in their working lives) and are both pretty hopeless when it comes to financial matter so I wasn't taught anything. Again, when coupled with me being so withdrawn in adolescence and my early to mid 20s, it became a perfect storm.
I still live with my mum but would like to live alone one day. Unfortunately, she doesn't really have enough money to live on her own at this point in time either so it's a bit of an awkward situation.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I just hope I can turn things around and not waste anymore time.