To think there are more adult children left behind like this?

This isn’t new though

My first propee boyfriend never moved out of his parents house ,he died last year aged 51 he was a raging alcoholic and died from liver failiure
It was just very sad he had no life to speak of no job, no reltionship no kids
.

My ex has family like this. They're full time carers to their parents now, so I guess it worked out

What, you’re jealous. Why don’t you do the same then?

What a sad state of affairs that adults face the unknown with no life skills, no job, no home……..what were their parents thinking in allowing matters to escalate so!

This really isn't what we're talking about.

I know someone like this and though he did work, it was a job where he sat at a computer and didn't really have to talk to anyone. His father died very young and he stayed with his mum until she died in her 90s. He's in his mid-60s now and is one of the most unworldly people I've ever met. I've had to show him how to do very basic things, such as threading a needle, how to sew on a button and how to cook veg in a steamer.

The amazing thing is that from being so quiet and retiring he's come out of his shell quite dramatically. This started after he began going to dancing classes and he's now entering competitions and dancing in public, wearing sparkly suits, which would have been unthinkable a few years ago. It's been fascinating to see the change.

I agree, it's not 'nice'. It's sad and lonely and a waste.

My ex's brother and sister do both work, but they are a bit like this, especially the brother. He went to university but dropped out in the first year and since then he's had very low-paid, often part-time work, often odd hours. He doesn't socialise and doesn't have any friends, and he has absolutely no social skills. He can't make conversation and comes across as rude because he will only reply 'yes' or 'no' without elaborating. There is absolutely nothing in his life. He doesn't particularly gel with his parents or his sister. He won't try to move out because it'd be a one-bed flat and he doesn't want that.

Years ago, I realised that once his parents died, they would probably not be able to pass the house on (because it's a council tenancy that's already been passed on from a relative), but he is complete denial about that and he doesn't know how to cook for himself or do laundry.

I think there comes a point where someone just can't re-integrate into society. They're too much on the outside of it. But it is miserable.

No one would want that.

They’ve had no life have they. It’s sad x

And yet the prevailing sentiment on MN regarding young adult children is that they dont earn enough to move out, they’d be wasting their money on rent, they can live “ at home” indefinitely saving for a deposit…
It might sound harsh but sometimes it’s essential for young adults to endure some hardships in order to gain independence and self reliance, and not leave it too late.

He has a job which is brilliant!

Where I grew up next door but 1 to us are like this 3 adult children lived with their parents until they died. Now you don't see any of them the front and back gardens are overgrown and they only get food delivered.

I have known multiple people through life who have siblings or cousins like this.

I agree. Most went to the factory or mill where their dad worked, with the rest of their non academic classmates. Girls got pregnant and either married or got a council house and benefit.

Not nice really though is it?

That sounds brilliant! Best of luck for your DS. ❤️

There will always be people like this. If MIL had her way that would have been DHs life.
my friends BIL was like this but he has met a woman and moved out with her, it’s one parent
replacing another though.

I know a few people like this. In one case, his mother is so unwell and disabled that she needs to enter residential care but that would leave him homeless. She's already lost all her money/assets bar the house from keeping him afloat. He has various conditions including mental health ones (obviously) and he has all his diagnoses but that doesn't really change anything. He's not her carer, he can't even look after himself and he's an enormous strain on her (he's very hard to live with and doesn't contribute financially or at all). It's really sad.

There are others too.

I agree. And when you hear stories of NT young people who have applied to hundreds of jobs, multiple interviews, and unable to get work, what chance does someone have who is unlikely to pass an interview?

This.
I had 2 great uncles like this, they lived together with my gran after she was widowed. At least one of them was on the spectrum, they fought in WW2 so maybe had some PTSD, who knows?
I have DS1 who is struggling to launch, he does have a job but his ADHD means his executive functioning is poor.
I dread the idea of having to live with him until I die 😫

Really ? What is “nice” about a life like that ?

it’s sad and lonely and a wasted opportunity and a bit of compassion wouldn’t be amiss.

I've got two friends with sons like this (it tends to be sons not daughters doesn't it?). One of them suffers from anxiety and depression herself and I think has set a trajectory for her (only) child .

The other is a friend of mine who is a school headteacher. She has three adult children. The two daughters are hard working, focused individuals. Her son (now in his 30s) has only held down one part time job in his life, in his late teens, and then gave that up.ascbeinh "too stressful" even though it was a part time minimum wage job. He lives at home and my friend pays for everything for him, cooks and cleans etc even though she is out at work and he is sitting around on his arse all day, gaming. She is divorced and I think she likes the company in the evenings! It drives his sisters up.the wall.

The problem is (I have a friend whose son is autistic, lives at home with his widowed mother and is facing this future) - benefits will be paid but they aren't enough to cover all the bills for the upkeep of a house. Added to the autism and social anxiety and, even if the house if mortgage free, it's likely to fall into disrepair through a combination of lack of knowledge of what to do and an ability to pay for anything to be done.

So they might be living on benefits, but it's far from a nice life as the house falls down around them.

Yes my df has a neighbour where all three kids live at home and are in their late fifties and early 60's. One has severe MH problems, one has been reasonably well functioning in that he has always worked, did move out for a short time but now back. Younger one ( daughter ) has never moved out, always worked very part time and now seems to have drifted into being the carer for both parents as they age.

I’m exactly the same with our young lad he is encouraged forced to take on some level of responsibility but DHs family have had a few generations of failure to launch as the OP describes. There is ND but there are other issues in the family too that lead to that over-dependence in adulthood.