To think there are more adult children left behind like this?

Yes, although this situation is not ideal, he will get pension credit as you say and if his mother goes into a care home the house won't be sold if there is an adult dependent still living in it. I think that's the case.

Trouble is that for many people, if they don't get married, buying a house or flat is an impossibility.

Doesn't sound a life id like to live TBH

I'm not at all convinced that this is always worse than the alternatives.

Obviously there are individuals who could do more, with support and maybe even tough love. Equally, there are plenty of miserable, isolated, homeless, addicted, criminal men without the benefit of family networks.

I'd walk a mile in the shoes of any parents concerned before criticizing them, and I'd remember that the assumption that adults should live apart from extended family is far from universal, historically and culturally.

Contact Adult Care Services regarding sheltered/assisted living

I think its a good point that there are now very few jobs that don't require social/soft skills. Increasingly, any form of career entails the ability to market yourself and network. I'm naturally quite introverted and find this sort of thing an effort, but I can do it, and I don't hate it. Conversely, any casual job I can think of requires a lot of in-person interaction: the job only exists because there isn't a programme or machine to do it yet.

... which costs money. If an adult is unable to get and hold down a decent job, and is single, how are they going to be able to afford their own home? That's before we even start thinking about how some of the people we're talking about could look after their own home.

I worked in a community based job, visited houses where I often saw adult (usually) sons still living at home into their 50s. Some had left, then returned, some had never left.
most weren’t working and not claiming benefits either. It’s a hidden issue .
And several friends still have adult sons with autism living at home, one in particular has told me how she would enjoy just living in a quiet house with her DH , but she can’t ask her son to leave

I have a child who will never be able. I haven’t failed them. They are just disabled.

Obviously if their severely disabled need full time care then Obviously but otherwise adults need their own lives.

You may not be but I’m bringing it into the conversation because I think it’s relevant.

I happen to have a cousin who is the classic lives with elderly parent, will never leave, probably on the spectrum character.

At the same time I can see that the culture of enabling young people to stay with their parents years, and even into decades longer than they used to, could result in a lot more older adults ending up stuck like this. It doesn’t necessarily happen overnight.

No one is saying they can't. But they're not for various reasons. In the case of my best friend's brother, mum doesn't believe he has a disability, won't get a diagnosis or support and won't help him get a job or be independent. He can't do it alone and friend can only do so much. It's so sad.

Is it more likely to be men?

I can think of several friends in their seventies who have children in their late thirties who still live at home. The children have never been encouraged to fledge the nest and do cash in hand part time types of jobs which mean they would be unable to rent or buy anywhere if they wanted.

@OwlsDontGoToSchool same, I just thought every family/street had one!

Quite a few of these at my exes old work Engineering firm - men who came to work with their Dads, but never left home. When the parents died another sibling ends up caring for them as they couldnt cook or care for themselves elderly Mum's had done everything.

No, it was a feature of many of my extended family's houses when I was young - at least two or three great aunts had adult sons living at home, so that would be my parents' cousins, they were very shy or antisocial or awkward, they either didn't have jobs or had very low key part time ones, they spent a lot of time on mysterious hobbies (Airfix, meccano, train sets etc, segueing into computers/gaming as the 80s went on). It just seemed normal to me growing up that some people -men - were like that.

I’m not sure it’s more common now just that our opinions on it have changed. My Great Uncle never left home and stayed with his Mum until she passed away, he then moved in with his sister and her family
He was quite a quiet chap, didn’t have any friends and worked as a gardener, my Mum said he would have done anything for family and was much loved, just struggled I think with people that weren’t his immediate family.
Now people would probably think it was super odd, but as one of 7-8 siblings no one thought much of it when he didn’t leave home and everyone else did.
My eldest would probably very similar if not given the encouragement, he struggles socially and is a real home body.
He is Autistic and sometimes finds life just a bit too overwhelming, I suspect my Great Uncle was the same and just relished his smaller world, with less hurry/stress with his hard but quiet work.
One of my friends has never left home, she is married with children and her parents live in the same house and they all have their own areas but are one big family unit.
She works and has a busy hobby, some people would think that it was abit odd to have never left home but her Grandparents before passing away had lived there as well when she was growing up so she has always lived in multigenerational way.
In other cultures I think it’s probably more normal for people of different generations to live together, especially if unmarried.

There’s a girl on TikTok that’s like this, lives like a teenager, collects makeup she never uses and makes videos complaining about her mum knocking on her door. In her case I strongly suspect learning disability.

My dh has a few older relatives like this. Unsurprisingly autism is very prevelant in his family tree. I know one worked as a grass cutter etc for the council, he lived with his parents until they died, he inherited the house and still lives there. It's falling apart around him now. I'm in Ireland and I remember growing up people who lived with their parents forever, usually on the family farm, they would keep a few cows for money. I don't think it's a particularly new thing. Some people find life hard.

When I was doing OLD I met a man who had never left home and never had a girlfriend. His last surviving parent had just died, so presumably he was looking for a mother figure to replace deceased parents. On our only date, he told me all this and I asked him why did he think it was that he had never left his parents' house. He looked at me for a moment and then replied 'I don't know'. How can one be so self unaware?

He also picked his nose in front of me but that's probably for another thread.

its way nicer to be cared for well in your own home than being shipped off to a shitty nursing home for sure! And multi generational households not uncommon in other parts of the world.

Pretty clear @Ilikewinter doesn't belief that autism, ADHD and other problems actually exist. These people just need to pull their socks up and get their finger out and they'd be fine! If their parents had pushed them a bit harder, of course they'd have got a job and a partner and been able to live independently!

Those of us with direct experience of bringing up a child with a diagnosed neurodevelopmental disorder may beg to differ. There's nothing cushy and enviable about living on the margins of society, unable to cope with full-time work, watching your peers pair off, make their own homes and have children and knowing you'll never be able to do the same.

I had an uncle like this. He lived at home with my grandma and actually died first (smoked himself to death on woodbines). As a child growing up in the sixties it seemed quite common - older, very quiet adults (yes, possibly autistic) staying home, with Mum and Dad.
I have a work colleague with a bright very capable daughter. The daughter is 26 - I can see her 'working on her daughter' - holding her back, keeping her home. Telling her she won't cope - its sad and seemingly working.

I've wondered this, and while my children are still young (primary age), with no additional needs, I do wonder what I'd do if I was in this kind of situation. Obviously I hope they both launch ok but I think the only time I could leave them to sink or swim would be if I was sure they would swim. If I was sure they would sink, as I am sure the man I mentioned upthread would (he already has, really) then I don't know if I could abandon them.

But of course we all leave the world at some point, whether we want to or not, and what happens then?