To think there are more adult children left behind like this?

Does it really matter? I lived at home with my dear mother until I was 52 - I loved being there with her. Then I met my husband! I prefer the life I had with my lovely DM.

My brother is 45 and still lives with our mum. He has had one job in his entire life but hasn’t worked for about ten years. I think he expects to be able to live in the family home when my mum eventually passes away but I don’t know how he’s planning to pay the bills or for food. If she has any savings, they will be split between the three children, even if he is able to keep the house for himself. I find it utterly bizarre. My other brother and I left home as soon as we had finished university.

Both of my brothers live with my mother, they are 36 and 30. I don't think any of them, mother included, has any intention of them ever moving out.

This
It can be ND or MH issues but its also a symptom of toxic family abuse in which parents " fail to launch" their children and fall into severe co dependency
They cant bear to see their children being better than them
Its appalling

I have a relative by marriage similar.
He's a very reserved, gentle person and I think possibly ASD. He's also been raised in a conservative religious family and I suspect may be gay but would sadly feel shameful about it.

He has always worked in office based jobs where social interaction was minimal and lived with his parents till his late 40's, his dad has now passed away and he has his own flat nearby to his mum and still spends most of his non working time with her, holidays with her etc.
He seems happy in his own way but I don't know how it will play out when his mum passes away, his work will hopefully keep him from becoming completely isolated.

His brother is completely different, outgoing and married with children. When he got his own flat his brother's wife who was always very scathing about his 'sad' lifestyle was furious because he was 'abandoning' his parents. Poor bloke can't win!

Very weird. But some people love their own bias more than facts. Anyway despite all the posters on here sharing there experiences of people like this in their 30s/40s/50s/60s etc @Oldglasses has determined covid lockdown is to blame. So that's that. 🤔

Yep... My DH had a school friend who lived with his parents until just before he turned 30. He told his friends his plan was just to stay there and he would then inherit the house, but he then moved into a random house share and was dead by suicide two months after his birthday.

At the funeral we found out from his parents that he was autistic (with the hindsight of now having an autistic child, it was very obvious and I imagine he had been diagnosed as a child), so the diagnosis had not been in any way preventative.

I think the problem isn't some people with autism who cope best that way still living with their parents, it's there not being the jobs or support for as many as possible of them to get out of the house every day and build some skills and independence that way.

Multigenerational living in itself is not automatically a problem. It's realistically sometimes the only way an extended family can care for all its members when the state has limited resources.

It might be wise to help your sister get a diagnoses, obtain pip and possibly if appropriate get a POA sorted for her so in the future you can help.

its possible the autism could exclude her from paying council tax due to SMI - reducing her bills further if living alone

If his mother has to go into a care home, the house will be sold and he'll be homeless

might not be the case https://www.ashberry-care-homes.co.uk/articles/can-my-daughter-continue-to-live-in-my-house-if-i-go-into-care

the council can’t be seen to actually create a homeless person and especially if they’ve never lived anywhere else

Good idea to look into the rules around funding for care. If there is an adult dependent living in the house when the mum dies, it may be that they can remain living in the house.

I have a cousin and like that. Cousin was a very bitter woman, hated, I mean really hated children and disparaging about her cousins who had careers and partners and enjoyed life. Her mum died about 25 years ago and I have no clue what happened to her. She did try and "come and stay for a bit" with my mum, but she wouldn't have it.
We lived rurally and is pretty common. A daughter or son, is the one who stays to work on the farm, never marries, is old before their time. DH used to work with one such man, isolated so much he really doesnt know how to function in society-his taste is that of his parents, so stuck in the 60s and 70s and can say something inappropriate things.

Two relatives on my DH's side live at home with their ageing mother. Both in their 30's and she does their laundry, buys & cooks their food, they don't pay rent or upkeep, so they have no overheads & they don't work. All while DH over here is working his butt off to earn money for his family!!

In a very similar situation, middle aged sister never left home, probably undiagnosed autism, has low paid work with not many hours, 80 year old mother pays all the bills, no mortgage on the home, mother not made a will or protected the house in any way if she needs to go into care.

what will happen to my sister? Would she be entitled to housing?

How are you so sure that it's "definitely " become more common? Do you have links to any studies?

“Nice if you can get it” 🤣 whaaaaat? You must have a truly miserable life because this to me sounds like a very sad way to live.

I was worried about my oldest ending up like this. He flunked his A levels and then didn't do much. He had a very part time job, which was the only time he left the house, otherwise he'd be in his bedroom.

In the end I told him he had to get a full time job because i couldn't afford for him to live with me otherwise- I'm on benefits as I'm a carer for my other son who is disabled. He eventually found a full time job when he was 23. It's minimum wage, but he loves it. He's on the waiting list for a council flat, so hopefully he'll move out soon. He does help around the house, good at cooking, washes his own clothes etc, I wouldn't let him get away with doing nothing. It just took him a while longer to launch.

My son who is disabled will be living at home for the time being, I will be looking into supported living for him in the future as he won't be able to live independently.

We have someone like this in our extended family too.

Stopped going to school around 14 or 15, and voiced intention to harm himself if parents intervened, so they didn't. School truancy officers managed to get him back in now and again, but he refused to sit any exams and left school aged 16 with no qualifications at all.

That was 14 years ago and since then he has done nothing. He is not claiming benefits so is on nobody's radar. No qualifications, no skills. Rarely leaves the house except to walk the family dog. Entirely supported by his parents.

No idea what will happen to him when his parents are no longer around. His parents I'm sure know they have failed him and should have acted when he was a "child" and got him therapy/medication/support but they didn't and he is now 30 and and adult making his own decisions. The parents are very very defensive about the whole situation and just shut down all discussion about it.

Exactly this, social worker here & it is fairly common & it is a higher proportion of men. I think it comes from an era of the parents knowing something isnt quite ' right' but being scared of asking for help. It's rather sad really as potentially a missed opportunity for that person to build friendships & relationships away from their parents.

I have a brother like this. Definitely from an era where things/conditions were not diagnosed.

Really struggled to keep jobs but always managed to work in minimum wage retail until recently where he was let go from a high street clothing retailer as wasn’t able to met certain targets and cannot find another role. Such a shame as on his customer satisfaction surveys he would always get the highest scores. He is properly depressed and it is heartbreaking.

I don’t think my mum did him any favours when younger with constantly coddling him though.

My sister is like this. Severely autistic, has tried to hold down a job and failed, now lives with Mum again. She's physically violent at times which Mum struggles with but there's no support available for her. She accuses Mum of abusing her on almost a weekly basis and often reports her to the police, she's on a warning now. Mum doesn't help by making excuses for her and seems to enjoy the company so I see it as a failure to launch

Mum did ask me if I would take my sister on when she dies and I've refused. It's further complicated as Mum doesn't own a house or have any assets, so my sister really won't have a home to go to. But I just can't put myself through it, life is hard enough.

My cousin is like this. She is 27. When I was 27, I was married, had two kids and had bought a house. My youngest is 14, daft, yet is still more grown up and independent than her.

She is the product of her upbringing.

Edited to say, she's on benefits and doesn't work. My auntie talks about her and her best mate (who is very similar and has moved in) as if they are teens. They share a room but it's innocent. My cousin is asexual.