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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I come from a Romany gypsy & Irish traveller family. General chat…

184 replies

TT0107 · 11/04/2026 23:31

Just as the title suggests. I’ve noticed how travellers have become more accepted and tbh a bit idolised over social media (The people who are watching and liking those particular videos). Anyway my mum was raised in a horse drawn wagon moving around, my dad moved around with horses too but was staying in trailers (Caravans). Dad is Irish and mum is Romany. I don’t really interact with people nowadays and no matter the ordinary life I live I still feel deep inside that I’m just different no matter what. Not in a bad way, just that the way I was raised will always be there. My youngest child is mixed race, her father being black and my dad has never met her and has no interest to. I guess I went against the grain although to be quite honest my mother raised me very very well. Respect was always standard there was no time for disrespectful children when it came to my mum. I’d never walk into someone’s home with shoes on. Never help myself to food or drink. Never just get up and use the toilet without asking. Don’t touch anything, ornaments and anything tbh wasn’t to be touched by children. Don’t dare use the show plates. My mum never allowed anyone in her place ever. She had a hate for anyone who drank or smoked, well til this day you’d never see her sitting or standing with anyone drinking or smoking. I wasn’t allowed to go round friends houses as a child or teenager apart from 1 girl who only had a mother and sisters at home. This is just a light hearted chat if anyone wants to contribute. My mum never went to school as a child so therefore couldn’t read or write but she’s taught herself little bits along the way. She ended up with my stepdad over 30 years ago now who has provided her a lifestyle most can only dream off. Her life up until a few years back was just horses and cleaning the home. I do feel that the way my mum raised me has made me a very over protective person which I’m glad about. My mum would never steal from anybody (Just addressing the stereotype), she’s a very holy woman and even if she didn’t have a pound to her name and she saw someone unknowingly drop money she’d stop and hand it back to them. I’m a carer by job and everyone I visit and care for i can guarantee nothing, absolutely nothing will be trivialised with me. I do take extra time and effort to do the little things for these people and I care for them as if they were my own family and if I ever saw or heard anything untoward whether from their family member or even other staff carers I would take it upon myself to protect and I wouldn’t stop until something was done. (That should be standard for all carers but it isn’t always unfortunately) Again my mum raised me a very empathetic way and to see the things that people regularly overlook in life. She is a deeply compassionate woman more than I’ve ever known anyone to be in this life.

OP posts:
TT0107 · 11/04/2026 23:50

@Greyblankie Hence why I put stereotype in brackets! I wasn’t suggesting the majority of people aren’t raised to be respectful, I was stating that in my case with my mum it was very very extreme if you will, far more than other travellers we knew or in the family which is why I emphasised on it

OP posts:
user946372 · 11/04/2026 23:49

I think you're getting a lot of bad comments here! I'm interested in your life and it does sound like you were raised well to be very polite and you are caring towards others. There's a lot of prejudice against gypsies and travellers still. It's interesting to hear from your perspective. Do your children feel the prejudice of their heritage?

StrictlyCoffee · 11/04/2026 23:48

Don’t know why you have had sour responses, you sound a nice person OP

TT0107 · 11/04/2026 23:46

@Ribbonwort I don’t see how raising children to be respectful is weird. Would you let your child walk into someone’s house shoes on without asking if thats ok and then run into their kitchen helping themselves in the fridge and cupboards. I would still never do that now. I would never get up and walk straight into another room of someone I’m caring for without asking/ making them aware first. Just a simple “I’m just gona pop to the toilet quickly” I’m just going to take this clean washing into your bedroom to put them away ect instead of just going about my business without making them aware of what I’m doing in their home. That is respect to me and I wouldn’t change it for the world. A lot of the people I care for get overwhelmed when carers come in and start touching their things or follow the care notes example doing cleaning without actually asking them if it’s ok to do first. My dad is racist, I didn’t actually mention much about my dad and how he raised me because I don’t share the same views as him obviously. My mum isn’t.

OP posts:
Greyblankie · 11/04/2026 23:45

Also the fact that your mum didn’t steal isn’t something to be especially proud of - it’s normal!

custardlover · 11/04/2026 23:44

I expect the OP meant ‘raised well’ in terms of good core values such as respect and care.

OP, your post is warm and vulnerable full of love, thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you always feel like an outsider. My family don’t have traveller / Romany heritage but for other reasons I also always used to feel like that. Nowadays though, as I am old, I have come to realise that the vast majority of us feel like our - outsiders or imposters - it’s ironically very normal, and once you realise that, the feeling really starts to melt away…

Dontlletmedownbruce · 11/04/2026 23:43

I'm intrigued how your parents met? Is there an acceptable connection between Roma and travellers, like more acceptance than settled people? I've never heard of someone being both before!

Greyblankie · 11/04/2026 23:42

All your “rules” which supposedly show how well raised you are tend to be pretty standard manners to be honest! Not sure what point you’re trying to make.

Ribbonwort · 11/04/2026 23:39

I don’t really understand why you’d think you were ‘raised well’ when your parents are an illiterate woman who instilled weird habits in you about not touching things and wouldn’t let you go to visit your friends, and a racist who hasn’t met his own grandchild because he’s mixed race.

Both my (non-Traveller) parents were illiterate. It was very difficult being more literate than your parents aged five and having to fill out forms for them and read the instructions on medication etc, and they never engaged with school, avoided parents’ evenings, tried to get me to leave school early.

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