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AIBU?

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Original poster

I come from a Romany gypsy & Irish traveller family. General chat…

184 replies

TT0107 · 11/04/2026 23:31

Just as the title suggests. I’ve noticed how travellers have become more accepted and tbh a bit idolised over social media (The people who are watching and liking those particular videos). Anyway my mum was raised in a horse drawn wagon moving around, my dad moved around with horses too but was staying in trailers (Caravans). Dad is Irish and mum is Romany. I don’t really interact with people nowadays and no matter the ordinary life I live I still feel deep inside that I’m just different no matter what. Not in a bad way, just that the way I was raised will always be there. My youngest child is mixed race, her father being black and my dad has never met her and has no interest to. I guess I went against the grain although to be quite honest my mother raised me very very well. Respect was always standard there was no time for disrespectful children when it came to my mum. I’d never walk into someone’s home with shoes on. Never help myself to food or drink. Never just get up and use the toilet without asking. Don’t touch anything, ornaments and anything tbh wasn’t to be touched by children. Don’t dare use the show plates. My mum never allowed anyone in her place ever. She had a hate for anyone who drank or smoked, well til this day you’d never see her sitting or standing with anyone drinking or smoking. I wasn’t allowed to go round friends houses as a child or teenager apart from 1 girl who only had a mother and sisters at home. This is just a light hearted chat if anyone wants to contribute. My mum never went to school as a child so therefore couldn’t read or write but she’s taught herself little bits along the way. She ended up with my stepdad over 30 years ago now who has provided her a lifestyle most can only dream off. Her life up until a few years back was just horses and cleaning the home. I do feel that the way my mum raised me has made me a very over protective person which I’m glad about. My mum would never steal from anybody (Just addressing the stereotype), she’s a very holy woman and even if she didn’t have a pound to her name and she saw someone unknowingly drop money she’d stop and hand it back to them. I’m a carer by job and everyone I visit and care for i can guarantee nothing, absolutely nothing will be trivialised with me. I do take extra time and effort to do the little things for these people and I care for them as if they were my own family and if I ever saw or heard anything untoward whether from their family member or even other staff carers I would take it upon myself to protect and I wouldn’t stop until something was done. (That should be standard for all carers but it isn’t always unfortunately) Again my mum raised me a very empathetic way and to see the things that people regularly overlook in life. She is a deeply compassionate woman more than I’ve ever known anyone to be in this life.

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:55

@WeeelokthenI didn’t realise there would be this much hate straight up and openly. No I don’t move about anymore nor live in a trailer. I’m not with my youngest child’s father but he was most definitely accepted by my mum. It was my dad that had the problem so I cut contact with him way before I got pregnant, when he became so vocal about his views it pushed me away and I just didn’t want to associate with him. X

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:52

@marmite123456 The weddings which were on tv is more associated with the Irish traveller community. It’s not my cup of tea tbh. I’m not about the dramatic and over the top displays like that but that’s just me

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:50

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I actually said not every carer does the job with compassion, for some it’s just a job and they go in and do what they need to do and are gone so I was simply stating that I as a person am not like that, that I am very empathetic and then I went on to say I don’t know whether that’s because of the way my mum raised me or I’m just this way naturally. I don’t think it’s a secret that there’s plenty working in the care sector who lack empathy. It can be said for some doctors/ nurses too ect and I’m not one of those. I also never said my cultures children behave better. I said no child was disrespectful around my mum. And I’ve already explained why some travellers choose to kid their children from mixing with outside of their own. Again I’m merely stating reasons rather than arguing that’s the way I am. I do not treat anyone badly or push any views onto my children.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:41

You have said you are more compassionate than your colleagues, your culture’s children behave better, they are more likely to be bullied, they are kept away from non travellers.

Whether or not you intend it, there’s an undercurrent of judging non travellers as unpleasant. Lots of people are picking up on it.

Anewuser · 12/04/2026 09:41

You’re getting a hard time here OP because in the majority, travellers have a bad reputation.

I work in a school and we’ve had lots of traveller children here. If I were to generalise, then I’d say they are mostly independent and confident, with lovely manners (please and thank you, holding the door open etc).

It’s like anything, people only remember bad bits or shocking events, so people think all travellers must be dishonest.

You sound like a compassionate carer and I’d be very happy for you to look after my disabled family member.

I’d be interested to know how travellers view disability. We’ve seen a few traveller cousins marry which has caused their children to have some profound disabilities, that hasn’t stopped them from having more children. Do they see the connection or choose to ignore it? I’m not judging, just curious.

Weeelokthen · 12/04/2026 09:41

Hi op, I knew it was going to descend into these comments you are recieving 🙄
Do you still live in a trailer, do you move about? Are you still in a relationship with your youngests dad? If so, are they accepted in your wider community? X

marmite123456 · 12/04/2026 09:39

Do you agree with the weddings as featured on tv? Did you get married like that? Also is your son bullied for a particular reason?

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:34

@LiviaDrusillaAugustaIt’s quite the norm for traveller women to use sunbeds and be “turned out well”, lashes and nails done ect. I don’t have that desire at all. I’m pretty standard and couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of sunbeds, lashes, nails ect. I prefer the natural appearance.

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:32

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I accept people will have had negative experiences with some travellers. Again you are misunderstanding me. I’ve not generalised non travellers once. I’ve stated that there’s bad just as much there is good.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:31

TT0107 · 12/04/2026 07:51

@RoseField1 That’s why I said the people who watch those videos. Do you watch them? Do you want some links? Do you want some gypsy friends that could probably teach you some manners

But okay I have a genuine question about those videos.

Why do the women in the videos always look very very orange with such over the top makeup etc? Is that just a thing?

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:29

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I really think you’re misunderstanding what I’m saying. I don’t have negative opinions about non travellers and not once have I said that in this post.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:27

What about the people who have had negative experiences of travelers? (Because some people have).

Is it okay to make generalisations about your entire culture? Is it okay to judge the trouble at things like Appleby Horse Fair?

Because you seem to see all non travellers as having the same values,

godmum56 · 12/04/2026 09:27

TT0107 · 12/04/2026 00:19

@Ribbonwort The reason my mum didn’t allow me to go round friends houses is because no one knows what goes on behind closed doors in others homes. She didn’t trust anybody with her children and she didn’t want me to be exposed to parents who drink, smoke, do drugs and she was especially concerned about sexual abuse. I am the same with my children. I never have and never will allow them over friends houses if I’m not there. I would never allow sleepovers. I don’t care if the dad of her friend was a doctor, lawyer or a teacher I view everyone as a potential predator to my children. I don’t trust anybody at all. I will sleep well knowing I’m not taking that risk with my children and every time this topic has popped up in conversation in person, every woman or her mother has experienced sexual abuse- yes I am aware it’s mostly done by close friends and family members.

every female you know has experienced sexual abuse?

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:26

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta But people have been racist here. It’s clear as day. Of course I’m ok with people choosing to keep their kids away because they don’t have the same beliefs as a traveller family. That’s fine, it’s just not ok to be so disrespectful about it for either party. You can respectfully decline someone’s company. Theres no hate in my immediate family, I don’t tell my children to keep away from certain children. My child can have whatever friend she chooses at school.

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:22

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta No clearly there’s only “hostility” directed at the posters who were openly racist. I have answered genuine questions. When I’ve made a comment about I don’t allow my children round peoples home, I was accused of saying around non traveller homes when I actually said anybody traveller or not, just when I’m not there. This entire post has been lead by racist posters.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:21

TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:17

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta Yes if someone chose to not allow their children around travellers then that would be fine it’s their choice who they want their children to be surrounded by. It would also be fine if both families had a conversation about concerns and the stereotypes of travellers but at least in a respectful manner. The option to build on a friendship should be there I believe. Once concerns and stereotypes are addressed it would be reasonable for both families to integrate if they wanted to. I’ve said, there’s a lot of stereotypes about travellers but a lot of it isn’t true and certainly isn’t true for every traveller. Not every non traveller lives a lifestyle opposed by travellers.

Okay well if you are okay with people avoiding travellers because they don’t want them picking up their ‘habits’ then that’s fine.

Either you want a discussion or you don’t. Accusing people of racism is going to close that down

SergeantWrinkles · 12/04/2026 09:21

TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:03

@SergeantWrinkles Yes bad habits some of which are displayed in this comment section. I did go on to further explain it, it’s a clash of different cultures and travellers choose to keep their children within their own. That isn’t every traveller, more go to school than don’t nowadays. My eldest son picked up a lot of bad habits from when he started high school. It’s not a racist or double standard view it’s more about protecting your own culture

I understand what you’re saying but if non travellers were to say ‘I don’t want my kids mixing with travellers because I’m worried about them picking up bad habits’ do you not see how prejudiced that would be? Or is it only ok to protect a culture if it’s the traveller culture you’re protecting? As I say I’ve never had any negative interactions with the travelling community that I’ve known personally but I find your unwillingness to see that your words are potentially hypocritical quite interesting.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:17

Cross posted,

I wouldn’t stay away from people who are of a specific race because I’m not a racist.

I am sure traveller kids are just as capable of bullying,

There is a hostility about some of your posts which means people can’t ask you genuine questions because you just kick off about how racist we all are.

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:17

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta Yes if someone chose to not allow their children around travellers then that would be fine it’s their choice who they want their children to be surrounded by. It would also be fine if both families had a conversation about concerns and the stereotypes of travellers but at least in a respectful manner. The option to build on a friendship should be there I believe. Once concerns and stereotypes are addressed it would be reasonable for both families to integrate if they wanted to. I’ve said, there’s a lot of stereotypes about travellers but a lot of it isn’t true and certainly isn’t true for every traveller. Not every non traveller lives a lifestyle opposed by travellers.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/04/2026 09:14

I don’t hate any race or culture. A few years ago thought I took my best friend’s fostered daughter who is black with her older siblings to a local
funfair. She went on a high crocodile ride but she was only 9 and wanted to go on it. When she got off she was scared and crying so I comforted her. The fairground operator was really nasty with his friend laughing openly at her. I now know he was being racist. I fired off a few choice words at him as I was angry (no swearing) but he ignored me. That’s disgusting behaviour towards a child though and is racist. She only wanted to have fun.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:12

Or is okay for people to ‘protect their own culture’?

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:11

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I don’t project hate or racism. I explained why some travellers remove their children from school. It’s not just the clashing of different cultures it’s also that traveller children are bullied. I didn’t choose to take my son from school because of my culture, I done it because of what I mentioned with the bullying, the way my son was struggling and how it impacted his mental wellbeing. He’s actually going to college in September. School wasn’t working for him. As an adult I’m sure there’s people you choose to surround yourself with and others you don’t, just like me. I wouldn’t keep certain company but I would do it respectfully. If I don’t agree with someone’s views then I just wouldn’t be around them it’s the same with travellers and their children.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 09:09

TT0107 · 12/04/2026 09:03

@SergeantWrinkles Yes bad habits some of which are displayed in this comment section. I did go on to further explain it, it’s a clash of different cultures and travellers choose to keep their children within their own. That isn’t every traveller, more go to school than don’t nowadays. My eldest son picked up a lot of bad habits from when he started high school. It’s not a racist or double standard view it’s more about protecting your own culture

And if someone didn’t want their children associating with travellers because of the clash of cultures and because their child picked up bad habits, presumably that’s okay?

You have said some very negative things about non travellers then accused everyone of being racist. That is why you are getting hostility.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/04/2026 09:08

The Romany woman I know I think her sons have faced discrimination in the past but all 4 went to secondary school and college, one to dance school (he’s gay).

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/04/2026 09:06

I don’t know much about travellers in real life. However, I got to know a Romany woman who lived as a single mother with her 4 boys after she agreed to adopt our family cat after we couldn’t keep him due to my DB’s allergies. The cat was doted on and lived to an old age, we were invited to see him a lot. She rarely spoke about her Romany past.

Near where we live there used to be a Romany fixed camp. Never any trouble with them, they had to move when developers redeveloped the land for a big supermarket and car park. The most you’d get was a woman coming to the door reading fortunes for a small bit of money.

There are Romany or traveller communities in a certain area about a 20 minute drive away. Again never any bother as far as I know, just used to see burned out caravans on industrial estates when one died and you’d see the odd woman in the town centre selling lucky Heather and offering to read fortunes. I came across the latter recently, thought they’d disappeared! She wanted more money (had a phrase for it) and told my fortune and gave me crystals. I could only give her change and then she got a bit arsey with me but was fairly polite and friendly. My brother did get into a scuffle with one Romany man in a supermarket car park in above place, apparently the man just was unpleasant. But can happen anywhere.

DB used to play in a homemade playground on the Romany camp locally as a kid so he’s fairly used to them in a social way.

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