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AIBU?

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Original poster

I come from a Romany gypsy & Irish traveller family. General chat…

184 replies

TT0107 · 11/04/2026 23:31

Just as the title suggests. I’ve noticed how travellers have become more accepted and tbh a bit idolised over social media (The people who are watching and liking those particular videos). Anyway my mum was raised in a horse drawn wagon moving around, my dad moved around with horses too but was staying in trailers (Caravans). Dad is Irish and mum is Romany. I don’t really interact with people nowadays and no matter the ordinary life I live I still feel deep inside that I’m just different no matter what. Not in a bad way, just that the way I was raised will always be there. My youngest child is mixed race, her father being black and my dad has never met her and has no interest to. I guess I went against the grain although to be quite honest my mother raised me very very well. Respect was always standard there was no time for disrespectful children when it came to my mum. I’d never walk into someone’s home with shoes on. Never help myself to food or drink. Never just get up and use the toilet without asking. Don’t touch anything, ornaments and anything tbh wasn’t to be touched by children. Don’t dare use the show plates. My mum never allowed anyone in her place ever. She had a hate for anyone who drank or smoked, well til this day you’d never see her sitting or standing with anyone drinking or smoking. I wasn’t allowed to go round friends houses as a child or teenager apart from 1 girl who only had a mother and sisters at home. This is just a light hearted chat if anyone wants to contribute. My mum never went to school as a child so therefore couldn’t read or write but she’s taught herself little bits along the way. She ended up with my stepdad over 30 years ago now who has provided her a lifestyle most can only dream off. Her life up until a few years back was just horses and cleaning the home. I do feel that the way my mum raised me has made me a very over protective person which I’m glad about. My mum would never steal from anybody (Just addressing the stereotype), she’s a very holy woman and even if she didn’t have a pound to her name and she saw someone unknowingly drop money she’d stop and hand it back to them. I’m a carer by job and everyone I visit and care for i can guarantee nothing, absolutely nothing will be trivialised with me. I do take extra time and effort to do the little things for these people and I care for them as if they were my own family and if I ever saw or heard anything untoward whether from their family member or even other staff carers I would take it upon myself to protect and I wouldn’t stop until something was done. (That should be standard for all carers but it isn’t always unfortunately) Again my mum raised me a very empathetic way and to see the things that people regularly overlook in life. She is a deeply compassionate woman more than I’ve ever known anyone to be in this life.

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 11:27

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway Again I did not say that, that is what non traveller children do. I was giving a insight into my childhood and the norms. I never once compared. Please tell me where I expressed travellers as being superior considering I’ve said several time clearly the opposite. As for my dad being a racist… yes he is but am I denying or defending that? I take accountability for myself I believe everybody should be held to account. How people come to the conclusion I’m judging negatively against the different cultures is beyond belief when I’ve explicitly said I do not put travellers on a pedestal or hierarchy. It’s very clear there are differences in both cultures and I was simply explaining what was the normal in my upbringing. I didn’t say this is how I was raised and you wasn’t and then i emphasised on my mother in particular regarding her values also saying that she was more so than other travellers we knew and family members. So please do tell me where I’m speaking negatively of your people.

OP posts:
SadTimesInFife · 12/04/2026 11:19

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LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 12/04/2026 11:18

SergeantWrinkles · 12/04/2026 00:35

I find it interesting that you talk about wanting to dispel stereotypes and yet you’re also talking about non travellers as stereotypes. You’re making assumptions that non travellers don’t take shoes off, or go and help themselves to good in other peoples houses, or have ‘bad habits’ that you don’t want your own kids exposed to! I e never had anything but respectful relationships with travellers I’ve known but the way you’re talking about non travellers is just as bad. How does that help?

This exactly. I know you probably mean well, and want to present an image of travellers that is positive - and not all are bad of course, but in doing so @TT0107 you are putting down other people. Implying that you and the way you were raised is somehow superior, and children in your community would never do things non-traveller children do etc....

Like others on here, I'm baffled that you think non-traveller people would happily spread mud all over someone's home/refuse to take off their shoes, and that they and their children just walk around peoples homes messing with things, and taking anything they fancy, and just generally act like absolute dickheads. None of the behaviour you talk about is familiar to me at all. Not something I recognise (from anyone) in my world.

Also, I have several mixed race children in my family - cousin's grandchildren - and no-one refuses to have anything to do with them because they're mixed race (like your father does ...)

Bit of a weird thread.

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:55

@SadTimesInFife It’s not really on me to police what other people within my culture do just the same with yours.

OP posts:
SergeantWrinkles · 12/04/2026 10:52

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 10:22

One thing that I think is good is when you mentioned that travellers teach children to behave in other people’s houses. Those kind of rules were drummed into us in the 70s and 80s but sadly died off.

I watched a programme, I think it was called ‘Gypsy Kids’ and I was very impressed at how well brought up the children seemed.

I agree - and my own kids were also told to behave themselves in other peoples houses but I’ve been shocked at how many kids came to mine and thought nothing of jumping over the furniture and being gobby/rude. Thankfully I’m past that stage now but I can only imagine it’s got worse based on the decline of public behaviour in general!

SadTimesInFife · 12/04/2026 10:51

This reply has been deleted

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OneMagentaViper · 12/04/2026 10:41

TT0107 · 11/04/2026 23:31

Just as the title suggests. I’ve noticed how travellers have become more accepted and tbh a bit idolised over social media (The people who are watching and liking those particular videos). Anyway my mum was raised in a horse drawn wagon moving around, my dad moved around with horses too but was staying in trailers (Caravans). Dad is Irish and mum is Romany. I don’t really interact with people nowadays and no matter the ordinary life I live I still feel deep inside that I’m just different no matter what. Not in a bad way, just that the way I was raised will always be there. My youngest child is mixed race, her father being black and my dad has never met her and has no interest to. I guess I went against the grain although to be quite honest my mother raised me very very well. Respect was always standard there was no time for disrespectful children when it came to my mum. I’d never walk into someone’s home with shoes on. Never help myself to food or drink. Never just get up and use the toilet without asking. Don’t touch anything, ornaments and anything tbh wasn’t to be touched by children. Don’t dare use the show plates. My mum never allowed anyone in her place ever. She had a hate for anyone who drank or smoked, well til this day you’d never see her sitting or standing with anyone drinking or smoking. I wasn’t allowed to go round friends houses as a child or teenager apart from 1 girl who only had a mother and sisters at home. This is just a light hearted chat if anyone wants to contribute. My mum never went to school as a child so therefore couldn’t read or write but she’s taught herself little bits along the way. She ended up with my stepdad over 30 years ago now who has provided her a lifestyle most can only dream off. Her life up until a few years back was just horses and cleaning the home. I do feel that the way my mum raised me has made me a very over protective person which I’m glad about. My mum would never steal from anybody (Just addressing the stereotype), she’s a very holy woman and even if she didn’t have a pound to her name and she saw someone unknowingly drop money she’d stop and hand it back to them. I’m a carer by job and everyone I visit and care for i can guarantee nothing, absolutely nothing will be trivialised with me. I do take extra time and effort to do the little things for these people and I care for them as if they were my own family and if I ever saw or heard anything untoward whether from their family member or even other staff carers I would take it upon myself to protect and I wouldn’t stop until something was done. (That should be standard for all carers but it isn’t always unfortunately) Again my mum raised me a very empathetic way and to see the things that people regularly overlook in life. She is a deeply compassionate woman more than I’ve ever known anyone to be in this life.

Hi Op, haven’t read the full thread yet, will come back later and do so.

Just wanted to touch on the rise of the traveller influencer and settled people ‘idolizing’ them
I live and work somewhere with a large community of travellers and I would say in general most settled people just want to be friendly and show that they’re accepting of your culture and lifestyle.
I know that the travelling community have had a bad rep in the past, through bad press etc but I think this generation of settled people are a lot more accepting of difference and so do as much as they can, with trying to engage with social media or in real life, to show that the predjudice views that previous generations may have held aren’t as prevalent today.

User33538216 · 12/04/2026 10:33

My grandfather (still living at 95) is Romany, but does not live that way of life these days.

So I too have Romany heritage. I find it fascinating the amount of people on facebook groups desperately trying to find genetic links to potential Romany ancestors. It seems quite desirable! My mum (not Romany side of the family) hid our heritage from us until we were adults. It was shameful in her eyes 25-30 years ago - now everyone seems to want a piece!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 10:23

TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:22

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I’m also not trying nor want to change peoples opinions of travellers. It honestly doesn’t affect me personally. I don’t really get offended by anything and I keep myself to myself. I just believe everyone should be respectful of each other regardless if you don’t share the same beliefs or don’t wish to associate. I have been defensive only when people have taken what I’ve said out of context. I’ve stated many times I don’t do this and that ect but I’m still being accused of it. My youngest child’s father is black he’s clearly not a traveller so to say I view non travellers beneath myself it really doesn’t make sense. I am a peaceful person and don’t interject myself into people’s business in the real world. I treat people accordingly based on their manners and respect not because of where they come from. There’s plenty of travellers myself and my family wouldn’t associate with

I’m sorry if i have given you a hard time - I realise you are talking culturally not necessary personally.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 10:22

One thing that I think is good is when you mentioned that travellers teach children to behave in other people’s houses. Those kind of rules were drummed into us in the 70s and 80s but sadly died off.

I watched a programme, I think it was called ‘Gypsy Kids’ and I was very impressed at how well brought up the children seemed.

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:22

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I’m also not trying nor want to change peoples opinions of travellers. It honestly doesn’t affect me personally. I don’t really get offended by anything and I keep myself to myself. I just believe everyone should be respectful of each other regardless if you don’t share the same beliefs or don’t wish to associate. I have been defensive only when people have taken what I’ve said out of context. I’ve stated many times I don’t do this and that ect but I’m still being accused of it. My youngest child’s father is black he’s clearly not a traveller so to say I view non travellers beneath myself it really doesn’t make sense. I am a peaceful person and don’t interject myself into people’s business in the real world. I treat people accordingly based on their manners and respect not because of where they come from. There’s plenty of travellers myself and my family wouldn’t associate with

OP posts:
Obeseandashamed · 12/04/2026 10:21

I find it fascinating how many similarities Traveller ways of life and traditions have to South Asian communities. It’s not always a bad thing and is simply different ways of life which is ok. Those who want to break tradition, can and I think that’s important. If there was a lack of choice element then that’s different of course.

Boudy · 12/04/2026 10:17

You sound like a fantastic carer. I have worked with loads and your attitude is increasingly rare..( in my experience..in case there is a pile on!).

WeeDote · 12/04/2026 10:15

@TT0107 I've always thought the stereotype around stealing was more about the Irish travelling community than Romany, and you've mentioned that your Roma mum doesn't fit the stereotype, but haven't mentioned your dad. Just wondering if that is because he does fit it? Are there a lot of differences between the two communities?

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:15

@thefloorislavayes No my mum isn’t Romanian. Romany gypsy is also different to Romanian gypsies.

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:14

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta Well I’m certainly not someone who throws around the word racism just because someone has an opinion different to mine, in this thread there is very clearly racism though.

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:11

@Greyblankie I mentioned my mother never stealing and then put in brackets about the stereotype surrounding that or did you miss that part? Chose to purposely miss it I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:09

@Greyblankie I’ve never once said that. Nor do I think that.

OP posts:
Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:09

@Sartre The ones who were pulled from school can then choose to complete higher education if they wish. Just like my son left school in year 10 albeit not due to my cultural beliefs, yet he’s starting college in September. I also didn’t do my gcses but have completed higher education. I wouldn’t pull my child from school simply because I am a traveller and don’t want them to associate with non travellers, I done it because of the way my son was suffering. I agree the children who are pulled for cultural reasons are essentially being denied the right to education if they were a child who wanted that but it still doesn’t mean they can’t then go onto achieve those goals once they reach the age of 16. Yes it pushes them back a few years having to sit gcse and a levels at an older age but it is still something they can do if they wish.

OP posts:
Greyblankie · 12/04/2026 10:03

Anewuser · 12/04/2026 09:41

You’re getting a hard time here OP because in the majority, travellers have a bad reputation.

I work in a school and we’ve had lots of traveller children here. If I were to generalise, then I’d say they are mostly independent and confident, with lovely manners (please and thank you, holding the door open etc).

It’s like anything, people only remember bad bits or shocking events, so people think all travellers must be dishonest.

You sound like a compassionate carer and I’d be very happy for you to look after my disabled family member.

I’d be interested to know how travellers view disability. We’ve seen a few traveller cousins marry which has caused their children to have some profound disabilities, that hasn’t stopped them from having more children. Do they see the connection or choose to ignore it? I’m not judging, just curious.

It’s not due to traveller hate - it’s because she’s come on basically saying that her upbringing was better than that of a non traveller - that their kids have better manners etc etc

In trying to dispel the stereotype OP you’ve actually enforced it. If I was describing my childhood I wouldn’t think to mention that my mother didn’t steal as that’s pretty standard!

Original poster
TT0107 · 12/04/2026 10:03

@Anewuser That’s nice to hear. My son is the same he’s a really kind and gentle soul. Well one of my sons has a learning disability and the eldest he has adhd, a speech stammer and a motor and vocal tic disorder. I believe it’s still fairly common for some traveller to marry cousins whether that’s 1st or 2nd I can’t really comment because it’s not something that’s been done this side of the generations. My grandparents were 2nd cousins but the 8 children they had didn’t carry on that tradition. I don’t agree with it and don’t understand why cultural beliefs trump the probability your child will end up disabled from interbreeding. Aside from that it’s not something I would approve of personally.

OP posts:
Sartre · 12/04/2026 10:02

I’m interested in you saying traveller girls can go into HE but most don’t want to when you also acknowledge most traveller kids leave school at 11 still. How would they be able to if they didn’t sit GCSE or A Level exams? They also statistically have the highest level of school absence. I’ve just checked the stats and 3/4 of traveller children don’t finish secondary school. I don’t think they have a choice at 11/12 when their parents pull them out of school and insist they learn cooking, cleaning or a trade for boys I guess…

Numbers of traveller children going to uni has increased in recent years but it’s still only around 3-4%. So I think it’s a little disingenuous to say they can if they want but most don’t choose to when many don’t have the opportunity to finish school.

Viviennemary · 12/04/2026 10:01

Has your mum got second sight?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2026 10:00

You won’t change people’s minds about travellers because there is hostility from both sides. When non travellers express it, it is seen as racism but not the other way round.

The cultures are fundamentally incompatible, and travellers clearly don’t want their culture sullied while accusing others of racism.

Any time anyone posts about a negative experience (not just on this thread) it is taken down as being racist.

So there will never be an open discussion or an understanding of the cultures in real life

thefloorislavayes · 12/04/2026 09:56

i’ve always wondered what Romany gypsy is, do you mean your mum is Romanian?

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