AIBU to envy friends with wealthier husbands and easier retirements?

Comparison is the thief of joy and why weren't you more ambitious?

We don’t really have ‘positive discrimination’ in that sense, there are certain schemes like future leaders that have special additional routes for disabled people and minority groups, but if he’s coming in under standard recruitment it’s simply down to best person for the job. I cant speak for specific schemes like apprenticeships though.

Thanks - it does sound really good. I had a feeling that the CS was mainly prioritising recruitment for diversity - is that the case at an entry level? And sorry for hijacking the thread! I am super interested in elusive ‘unicorn’ jobs and wish I had been more aware of them when I was young!

@LittleBearPad well initially I had no choice as teaching isn’t especially family friendly. The primary school had no breakfast club & no childminders with space who could do an early drop off for us. So it’s not quite that simple. School holidays are obviously easier to cover, but there’s 39 weeks of term time.

By the time they left primary my subject was cut & so no it’s not been possible to pick up more teaching hours. So I took on admin role in school to get more money coming in.

The age I am it would be highly unlikely I would get another teaching job as I’m too expensive.

I’ve applied for other jobs outside of teaching with no luck.

As you said it was my choice to go into teaching - but that was driven by wanting to do a job that was interesting rather than for any financial gain. I wish perhaps I had been more savvy now.

I am not unhappy but it just seems unfair that some people hit the jackpot with money snd I never have.

You make it sound as if this money jackpot just fell into their laps, it didn't they made the choices, took the risks and did what was necessary to achieve it you chose a different path which you may now regret that is not unfairness.

Mortgage, bills, etc. I don't know, but we're not big spenders by any means.

You need to find out exactly where your money goes/has gone particularly in light of what your husband has said regarding cutting back when he retires.

@SundayMondayMyDay I thoroughly recommend it. Great paternity leave, they’ve paid for loads of my courses, a lot of flexibility and really interesting work. And one of the areas we tend to actively recruit in even when freezes are on elsewhere.

Thanks so much for this! I will try and encourage my ds (about to go into an MSc in Comp Sci) to consider applying to CS :)

Plenty of us are envious of anyone with a teacher's DB Pension.

Not remotely resentful of said pension - but its hard watching a DC pension plummet every time Putin or Trump do something heinous - and when you are at retirement age and can't bolster it any further - and OP, you will not be managing a house and all overheads on a single person's pension, as long as you stick with your poor DH about whom you are quite dismissive.

We're all a bit envious of everyone better off - but lets be happy and grateful if we are doing OK, and feel for those who envy us, especially if they don't have enough to manage.

Why didn't you get a more highly paid job op? Its on you as well as your husband that you don't make more money

She wasn’t even the most expensive! She is great though, years of teaching and tutoring experience and an exam board marker.

It's natural to be envious at times but life isn't fair. Everyone starts from a different place in terms of privileges and advantages. Some women specifically seek out men with well paid jobs. What I find odd in your post is your complaint that your husband isn't more ambitious. What about you? I'm happy with my home, my income and my partner's income, but we earn a similar amount. I never relied on him to give me the nice house I wanted. I had my own ambition.

I’ve had a variety of life situations within my long marriage OP and am now 64 - had money, not had money, had a business failure, built up another business- if I can just say the happiest times of my life haven’t been always when we’ve had ‘more’ - Having a really big house didn’t make me any happier as my H wasa totally stressed angry dickhead and constantly working whilst we were paying for it - and I actually didn’t much like working less and being around that kind of vibe and I like working too- - sometimes things aren’t just what you see on the surface - if you are happy and well and have what you need, then focus on that and enrich life in other ways if you can -

Online tutoring websites all seem to offer tutors at £75per hour +, with varying levels of experience. There are even some university students offering A level tuition via these websites, at around £40 + per hour! Online - doesn’t matter where you are located, so may be worth looking into!

Whaaaaat??!!! It's certainly not that much in Scotland. About £40 ph max.
If it was £90 I'd be all over it.

It will still be a lot more than someone in the private sector being paid an equivalent amount of money.

You chose to go part time. You could change that decision if you want to earn more

Sorry to hear that. What did they do?

I leant my family a large sum of money. They paid it all back but I did lose out in buying a house for years.

Is it right that OP’s DH’s pension would be £20k pa?

I thought it sound have been more if he was a full time teacher most of his life?

This is so true. And even if they pay the same or more as state, hundreds of them have left the Teachers Pension scheme now and to be fair the pension is one of the big perks of teaching. If the OP’s husband has been a teacher all his career, even though he’s not on huge money because he hasn’t gone for promotions, presumably most of his pension is protected from before the pension changes came in? And even since the changes, the pension is damn good by anyone’s standards. And as well as the monthly payments, I think the lump sum is about 1 and half times the salary so in the region of £66,000 for him? If that’s wisely invested it will help. Plus of course the OPs teaching pension when she retires. And of course the state pension on top when they reach the qualifying age.

Civil servant in the digital profession. Can get my salary as a G6 in technical fields such as data science, performance analyst, some pay even more such as technical architect. But G6 is a senior grade so need to have a certain amount of experience and leadership responsibility for this salary, there are lower grades for less responsibility/experience. Part of the salary is made up by an allowance that’s not pensionable, but the pension on the base salary is good enough!

Ooh - and the same question to you as well, please! What do you do, and how did you get the job (re: qualifications / experience / previous jobs etc)?! Thanks!

Ooh - please do share what you do, and what enabled you to get the job (particular degree or qualification, or was it a case of working up the ladder?)?

Similar, I earn £86k in the public sector. WFH, compressed hours, and actually not very stressful. Helps I work in an area that’s very well funded, so resources aren’t an issue (thus not terribly stressful, though has its moments).

I do appreciate my job is a bit of a unicorn though, I had been very ambitious up to getting it but I have no intentions of moving on currently 😂

People often assume private schools pay more. It certainly isn't always the case.

You sound like you are feeling trapped and suffocated, with your husband going on about cutting back when he retires making the feeling worse. Tbh, he does sound like a bit of an energy and enthusiasm drain, and you seem to be imagining that when he retires, the only changes will be that you personally will have to spend even more of your limited spare time working out ways to economise, and you will have to limit any remaining hopes and aspirations you had still further, despite the fact he will have more time to take on work you currently do for both of you, whether that be shopping for food or housework, which should therefore free time up for both of you to rediscover some enthusiasm for the life you lead together. If you see nothing but years of continuing drudgery ahead of you, you need to deal with your mindset, which is far more negative than the reality of your financial situation.