AIBU to envy friends with wealthier husbands and easier retirements?

In what universe is teaching a rubbish job where you earn pocket money? That's such an insult both to teachers and some of the rest of us earning a minimum wage but none the less doing the best for their families.
Welcome to the real world!
I very much respect teachers, it's a good, worthy career and the money isn't terrible.

There always be richer people than you, count your blessings they are much poorer people too.

You only know what you think you see. You don't know their heartbreaks, their joys, their struggles, their sacrifices or anything else. You're viewing their lives through your materialistic lens and then, even worse, punishing yourself and your husband for these things.

Gratitude for what we have, instead of resenting what we don't have, goes a very long way. Do you have your health? A husband that loves you? A beautiful home to live in with everything you need?

Yes. We have a big house, everyone thinks I have the perfect life and husband. He’s an abusive shit and I’m just about to divorce him. Everyone I’ve told irl is gobsmacked because they thought he was the ideal husband. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.

You're earning and will be getting a lot more pension than a lot can dream of. Be grateful for what you have instead of wanting more.

So you’ll have c £35k from teaching pensions and then c £25k (current amount ish) in state pension at your state retirement dates?
I don’t think that’s too bad?

We all have choices to make 🤷🏼‍♀️ My aunt once said to me ‘you didn’t marry exH because of money…?’ I had to correct her. It definitely was a factor. I think part of the attraction WAS that he was ambitious, high earning and I knew that I could be a SAHM if we had DCs.

I would definitely like more money and a bigger house, but I wouldn't swap my DH for anything. He is the absolute light of my life and I would rather live in a hovel with him than a mansion with anyone else.

I was the main earner until recently and now DH out earns me. Ambition breeds ambition and I think we’ve both pushed each other by being ambitious which is why are where we are now.

We live in a nice 4 bed, surrounded by people who
live in massive 5 beds and ours looks like a bit dropped off in our cul de sac, but I love our home and, rather than a big house that needed more cleaning and maintenance when, at most, there are three of us living here at any one time, we preferred to have nice cars in the drive, pay our mortgage off as soon as possible (way to go yet, but easily achieved before retirement) and enjoy ourselves at the same time.

Never really understood being jealous of people, surely you make choices to work towards what you aspire to in life?

You should have married a rich man.
Simple as that. No use crying over spilt milk.

This is just a very silly post!! If you love your husband and you are both fit and healthy , you should be grateful. If you don’t love him no amount of money will compensate!! I’m single and have very many ( most!) married friends with significantly “ better” ( ie wealthier) lifestyles. Some are v fortunate- others have health issues, are in unhappy marriages, or have had serious difficulties with their children/ family . It’s impossible to know what goes on behind closed doors - but the grass is not always greener. If you are a genuine friend you should be glad for your friends enjoying a good lifestyle. I’m nearing retirement and will be working way longer than my friends due to lots of challenging circumstances- but I’d never ever begrudge my friends enjoying their hard won earnings!!

It’s not unreasonable to feel envious. But your husband’s pension is more than double mine. When you both retire you’ll have a lot of money to live off as retirees. I envy you for that.

Don’t forget that big houses and fancy cars can be obtained through businesses, in trust etc, which mean the couple don’t necessarily ‘own it’ in the traditional way. Comparison steals joy. I love a root round the charity shops. My £37k wage was once looked upon as high, but it does not go far any more. I just enjoy the simple things now. 🙂 chin up x

You know, you're right. I did buy my first flat in 1996, at age 24, so got on the property ladder. It's wild that it was achievable on one teacher's salary. It was one bed, but was mine & I loved it. It gave me the basis to buy 2 more flats before I bought the house I'm in now.

My big regret is not speculating & buying a 2nd flat with a friend to perhaps rent out. But I was working class & had no-one to advise or suggest it. Friends who were middle class & did get the advice to do this are far better off due to rental income & property to pass on.

For people in their fifties, a large determiner of people’s wealth is when they got on the housing ladder. House prices were rock bottom in the mid to late 90s and banks would give out mortgages with a very small deposit. You would have been about 30 which would have been the ideal time to buy your first home. I’m guessing you didn’t as you say you’re still paying a mortgage now and there may be good reasons why you didn’t, but you can’t begrudge your friends for making shrewd financial decisions. It’s likely to be shrewd financial decisions that led to their earning more too. I am a similar age to you, actually slightly younger and our generation had it easy with low house prices and free university.

@Newyearawaits I think @CinnamonJellyBeans is being facetious. Despite my pension not being as amazing as people think I am hopeful to be able to buy some of my food from M&S food hall 😉

Good point about the tps too @crossedlines

Chose a 'typical working class career'?????
Is it, really????
Professional degree led career isn't typical working class Imo.

I don’t think anyone just ‘has it all’ though… or at least not without hard work, often risk-taking and making tough choices. Even if you’re fortunate to not have childhood trauma or poor health, things don’t just fall into your lap.

I also don’t agree that being a manager is about having a ‘bossy’ personality. In fact that’s a downside in my view. I manage a team and I wouldn’t describe myself as uber confident at all. I’ve at various times felt imposter syndrome and I’ve really had to work to push myself to go for promotions and take on the responsibility that comes with them. Interestingly part of my motivation is that I would hate the responsibility of being married to someone who wanted me to earn a fuck ton of money so that they didn’t have to carry the load so it made me realise I shouldn’t expect it of my dh either! We’ve always aimed to both earn decent salaries and have good careers without grinding ourselves down in the process. Share the load.

the OP has chosen a different dynamic, she admits she wanted what she describes as an ‘old fashioned’ set up where her husband took the major responsibility as breadwinner. It’s really not reasonable to now complain. She was obviously equally well qualified as him because they’re in the same profession.

Yes - appreciate teaching is a challenging job and should pay more.
I guess my point was about if you’ve made a conscious decision to approach things in a ‘traditional’ way - you can’t expect the same lifestyle as someone who had really gone for it and made a lot of sacrifices.
My feelings are admittedly coloured by my experience with the person I mentioned in my post. They have been quite judgemental about others’ ‘less traditional decisions’ ie full time work for a Mum, with very little awareness of their own privilege but now have no issue demanding support when it’s needed to enable their lifestyle.
Not saying that’s you at all op though - my point was more about expectations.

...BECAUSE....(and I'm not saying this is op) but not all of us have the confidence, self esteem, or personality to get promoted or be anybody's boss. Your face has to fit. Mine never has. Some of us are not naturally bossy in real life. Some of us are introverted.
Also - some of us have had or are still experiencing health issues such as CFS and/or mental health issues (depression). Some of us have experienced severe childhood trauma. Some of us are just grateful to have survived and got out of an abusive relationship, and married a lovely man and have children (over and above getting a super high paid job)....and to still be here and have worked through and healed from so much crap is in itself is a huge accomplishment. Having the confidence and self belief to go for a job with a high salary would take another lifetime of growth (that might be wrong, but it's how I feel at this moment in time). .....but I can still feel envious that some people appear to have it all. I don't think OP is being unreasonable to feel envious. It's a valid emotion in the moment...

That, plus his relatively low salary for someone who’s been in teaching his whole career, will be the reasons his pension is relatively low. But as has already been pointed out, it’s a Defined Benefits scheme, so there’s none of the risk of the value plummeting because Trump does something else crazy or due to other world events. You know the pension will go up in line with inflation. You know that both being teachers, if your husband predeceases you, you’ll get half his pension as well as yours and vice versa. Plus of course state pension on top once you reach qualifying age.

it’s really not all bad. I think one of the issues which unfortunately impacts on a lot of women is they spend too long out of the workplace or only working part time and then seem surprised when their pension is so much lower as a result. IMO it makes total sense to work full time, at least from when the kids are in school. I get that with preschoolers many families want one parent at home some of the time, but I’ve seen a lot of women end up just being part time for a decade or more and it impacts massively on their financial wellbeing long term.

Your example Hoppity doesn't sound anything like the OP or her husband - what nice wee jobs?
Quite a reach!

This does feel quite an entitled thread.
I realise you are not one of the boomer gen but your thread does remind me slightly of a relative in their 70s who got degree did a v low paid but lovely job for a decade, then had kids and didnt work until they were both and secondary school and again in a lovely but low paid, part time role - living on partner’s salary. And retired bang on 60.
They are now on limited pension but fully expect they can enjoy nice trips and holidays that a working family would struggle to afford and demand handouts to pay for it.
it feels v much like there is a mismatch in expectation between generations. Older people expecting to work part time and then getting upset that full time work eventually pays out.
Not saying that’s you op but £2k a month, plus state pension is an absolutely brilliant result for a career of part time work. People today in private sector would really struggle to meet that.Honestly you’ve hit the jackpot!