AIBU to envy friends with wealthier husbands and easier retirements?

My 3rd or 4th comment on here as this post has driven me the wrong way haha. But yes I agree with this SO MUCH. I have the things OP mentions ( due to me, not my husband as I’m single). And I can’t imagine being in my 50s and still putting these things on a pedestal. I would happily have more “average” things in exchange for a stable and loving relationship. The lack of gratitude is shocking

I feel a bit like this in our small office ! One has a family trust fund left for her, one is married to a very successful businessman, one whose partner does well self employed and evading tax, manager is from a family clearly with wealth. With exception of my manager they all work very part time and I have to listen to constant tales of exotic holidays/ cruises etc.
I try to to get envious as I have so much more than others.

Life isn’t fair @TheAngryPuxie, I know people who are from wealthy backgrounds and have never had to work particularly hard to earn a living/have never worried about paying their bills.

Lol

I met my wonderful husband 38 years ago….he has always provided for us and I have never worried. I would quite literally LIVE IN A TENT as long as we were together….material belongings mean absolutely nothing. Just be grateful you have a husband, a roof over your head and a means of an income. You sound extremely shallow!

YANBU I understand where you’re coming from. I had 2 friends both worked for the same company doing the same job one married a guy who did the same admin job as them the other married a guy who had a high paying job.

Before marriage their lives were pretty similar after marriage their lives were very difference. The friend with the richer husband lived in a 5 bed detached house dc at private school, fabulous holidays etc the other lived in a terraced house kids at state school, little to no holidays.

It was very interesting to observe how differently their lives panned out depending on the financial status of their husbands.

For me it was a good exercise in watch and learn. Which friend did I want to be?

The pension received is many multiples of any private sector job. So not sure how their retirement is quite so “poor”

I have zero interest in a life provided for me by anybody else. Where are you in all this op? If you wanted a big house with loads of….whatever, what stopped you going and getting it? Not all of us are provided for by men…I am not and most of my friends aren’t!

Off the back of another comment - I did wonder why there was no ambition for a leadership role myself given the aspirations shown here. The salaries shown are not bad by any extent and fit the UK average, but if wanting the things mentioned there are many ways they could have or could progress

Should have picked a husband with a better income, or got a better job yourself. I reckon you'll be doing much better than most on your salaries in retirement, with two public sector pensions. Your friend's DH will have funded his pension entirely by himself, no employer contributions or generous final salary scheme.

I kind of see where you’re coming from.
My husband does a v worthy but low paid job and I have always worked full time in a much higher paid but more stressful role.
i do this because our pension/retirement savings would be terrible otherwise.
I do to some extent envy friends who have pootled along in low paid, part time roles but I also like being busy and using my brain and challenging myslef.
you’re only mid 50s what has stopped you being a bit more ambitious? Being a teacher is a great job with a great pension btw - but if you want to earn more could you move into leadership for a few years?

I guess the pay off is the pension.

Very difficult to be wealthy with a public sector job. Fact is you can work hard and in fact work harder than others and your finances do not and will not ever reflect this.

My friend is a NQT and earns 35k, why is your salary 32k if you’ve been working all your life?

Presuming he has been a teacher since you met, you knew that whilst yes being a teacher is a highly respectable job it is never going to result in an enormous salary. So firstly, if a man making a high salary is important to you then why did you stay at the beginning? And secondly, there are many women who have the high earning careers you mention. I am part of the latter and work with many others similar. It requires a vast amount of work though and so I don’t enjoy seeing others expecting the same financial rewards for simply being with someone. That’s meant to be due to connection, not the “retirement and luxury holidays” received as a result.

When I read the OP I thought the poster must surely be 18. It's hard to believe that at 57 someone sees another person's house, hears they're retired and suddenly wishes they were rich and retired as though the thought had never crossed their mind before. Then to cap it all they don't think, blige, I wish I'd thought this through, their answer is to blame their husband for not being richer.

@TheAngryPuxie also I don't think your friend bought that house without some other source of income.

Not a criticism, just an observation.

We have equality.
Make your own money.
Poor husband.
Maybe he will find someone who appreciates him one day.

So you want your DH to run the business but not yourself? Is becoming a teacher not an ambition? What do you earn missus?

I wonder if your DH is down the pub moaning to his friends that he wishes he’d married a more ambitious wife who he could live off.

I think it’s OK to feel jealous. But just keep the feeling locked away and accept that your friend is very lucky that her husband worked so hard.
We would all love to retire early, but most of us can’t. Try to make your life worthwhile and be happy. Retirement will soon come and then you will wish you were still 10 years younger.

Envy is a horrible trait.

Why don't you wish you had been more ambitious?

my mother imparted the wisdom that you can only feel envy if you’d take the total package, and it was good simple advice.

It’s easy to cherry pick the ambitious wealthy husband and big house, but would you have been prepared and equipped to be a ‘trophy’ (not meant disrespectfully, it’s bloody hard work!) with a partner who was often absent and distracted by work etc.

Basically, all you know is the choices you chose. You don’t know what choices or sacrifices your friend made, so don’t worry about the comparison.

Can I ask what you have done with all of your money, do you live in a very expensive part of the country?
DH and I both only earned average salaries so about £35k each. However by the time we were close to 60 our mortgage was paid off and the kids had left home and living independently. As a result we certainly weren’t wealthy but had a decent lifestyle.