AIBU to envy friends with wealthier husbands and easier retirements?

Being a teacher you’ll have absolutely no idea how stressful it is running your own business. He won’t have had months of paid holiday a year, paid sick leave, an iron clad pension for life ect etc etc. And his wife won’t have had the security of a husband with all those benefits.

You think your job is stressful, and I’m sure it is, but imagine living your life without all the benefits you get, often not knowing if your business is going to continue being profitable during recessions, covid, Brexit etc etc etc.

You have had many advantages as a teacher, so please cherish that rather than making wrong assumptions about someone else’s life.

You shouldn't be working for the minimum wage though ? Protect your time, use your union. You still have another 10 years left of teaching. Also have you got some pensions advice ? Your pension may be worth more than you think.

But you've chosen not to work the silly hours in a high pressure environment. You've had the time with your children, the holidays etc. You've taken the safe, secure route and that comes with a cost. Enjoy what you have, which is more than most.

Are you joking ?? Why don't you be more ambitious and earn more money ? Also for all you know she could be unhappy at home and you in marriage bliss. Money isn't everything and in all honesty it doesn't matter what you have you always want more.

I think in today’s world one of you gets to be the one who chases money, while the other picks up the slack has an equally stressful job and does the child care etc.. I am a teacher (it’s hard) have 2 kids but husband is the high earner.. it’s me and my career that takes the hit if kids are ill or one of us has to say no (work related).

Money/being wealthy does not = happiness. In fact, often the opposite

Can they actually afford these things? They might be mortgaged to the hilt and buying holidays on credit.

Welcome back to the 1950s! Why should women feel they have to marry to be where the money is?

I feel marginally sorry for the OP looking back on their life and regretting what they don't have because their husband doesn't earn more.

I feel very sorry for the DH being married to someone who just sees them as a meal ticket. I wonder if he knows what a disappointment he is.

Wow op, just wow. Many women, myself included, can have babies and careers that earn good money, it’s a choice you make. Take some personal responsibility.

If you had a big house, you would envy your friend with a castle. If you had a castle you would envy your friend with a palace.

You should be proud of your husband as he is and not resentful because he's not as rich as some other guy.

Ever increasing material things don't mean anything

But you are only 57. You have years left to save or make changes. No one i know is retiring at 60ish... You have a good month off at least in the summer can you make more of this ? You had time off with your children which is invaluable. I would focus more on what you have and how you can improve things.

You are presumably in your 50s.
Nicely - you have lived at a time it was easier to make money. Those husband's (and you if you'd done it) went through their early career in boom time when it was easier to climb the corporate ladder. Those in their 20s and early 30s are not going to have that. I am early 40s and my husband cannot move 'upwards' easily. He's just had to accept a 25k paycut just to get a job in a new location. We live in harder times now. They were luckier.

You feel what you feel and your feelings are legitimate. But… it’s important to balance those feelings with the likely facts. Running a business can be 24/7 and carry a lot of risk. I run a small one and I can’t tell you the last time I had 3 days off in a row let alone six weeks every summer. Your choices had upsides and downsides, so will there’s have had. You can regret some of your choices of course, but the more valuable process is to count your blessings and focus on what, if anything, you’d like to change in your own life.

Ah, ok. That's not bad at all for a non senior teacher, and in-line with what you should be paid.

I always wanted teachers to be paid a decent wage, that feels right for the people that hold children's future in their hands.

Yes just checked. We go up to £54,500ish as of August. Standard classroom teacher, state school.

Most of the teachers I know are on under 40k for full time. That's mostly those who have completed the extra ect years so those who are fully qualified with 3-5ish years experience. For slightly more experience (if they make it that long) I think you are lrobably about right. I think that is quite low really, especially for the hours expected.

Quite. DD's 27 and on £42k plus an extra £200 a week from tutoring. Idon't understand how a tracher with decades of experiemce is on £44k. Caveat, DD is secondary.

No, in Scotland at top end of the pay scale. I do think Scotland pays its teachers better though.

Is that at an independent?

I always intuited teaching salaries to be about 45k (when I thought about it, which I only do when threads like these pop up).

The numbers also seem low. I'm just a classroom teacher and I earn £53k a year, plus the thirteen week's holidays I can be off with the kids, earn money marking for exam board etc

But you're in the generation that would've benefited from rocketing house prices. How much did you pay for your house when you bought it? How much is it worth now?

You can't compare. My friend and her dh are teachers and live in a bigger house than us, all because they got a massive handout from their parents to buy a bigger house. So outside looking in, it looks like they have more money than us. But they don't. But they'll probably get a massive inheritance and still look like they earn more.

And 30k plus a full state pension isn't touching poverty, its a decent end-game for a working life.

But people who do this must understand that their lives will always be comfortable-ish. But never lavish.

No-one goes into teaching for the money, surely?

Well she won’t have a great lifestyle if they were to divorce, so I wouldn’t be too jealous if it’s the husbands money.

So women's goal in life is to marry a bank and not go out and make their own money ?

So people in your dept only work part time, or don't have kids?

I'm an English teacher. Work FT, have three kids. It's what you do if you want your pension pot to be healthy and benefit from a larger take-home pay.

It's saddening to hear how you talk about your husband's contributions.