AIBU to envy friends with wealthier husbands and easier retirements?

Comparison is the thief of joy. You've made your past life choices because they suited you at the time - no point combing over them now.
Also yes life can be unfair and some people are simply luckier than others.
For me health is everything. Now life gets really unfair when it comes to health so if you are in good enough health to do the physical stuff you want to and make some future plans you are lucky!
Sometimes it's difficult not to compare but zone back into to your own life and try to think of some things to be grateful for.

No, they are paid through them but not for them.

You only need to observe how miserable Melania Trump always looks, with all the trappings of wealth and a husband worth billions but one of the most unpleasant human being who ever walked the earth, to know that wealth really doesn't equate to happiness or peace of mind. And she clearly hates his guts for having to be in the same room as him and breathing the same air,

Imagine having to wake up every day married to someone like that. I'd rather be on the bones of my arse!

be careful what you wish for OP

No they aren't. Think of it like a 10-month contract that the bank automatically stretches over 12 months so they can still pay their rent in August. They are paid for some holidays but not all.

The OP doesn't actually want to change things, they just want to be bitter about the bad hand life has dealt them, including a husband who isn't an ATM, a friend with more bedrooms and a career that hasn't entitled them to the lifestyle they deserve.

They see people in terms of what they own and what they earn, which at their stage in life is really sad.

No, teachers are paid for all holidays.

Some people aren’t ambitious but have other qualities. Teaching is a great job, not everyone can start a business and be successful, it’s also very stressful, takes a certain appetite for risk.

In the grand scheme of things you’re doing well too.

@BootMaker

Money as a definer does not bring joy, and the pursuit of wealth is tricksy as a life choice.

Exactly. This is why wealth does not equal happiness, which is an altogether more complex and elusive state of mind. People spend their lives chasing money but in and of itself it is extremely low value. What makes you happy is what you do with your time and with whom

Just moaning....

Also op ime people who owns their own business often work all the hours god sends them! They can be very difficult people to be married to, often inflexible, taking very little holiday etc. It can pay off longer term but can take a long time to get there and the journey is not a bed of roses. Also for every successful businessman there are 5 failed ones who lost everything or worked like a dog for years to barely make ends meet.

Why is this your husbands fault? Why haven't YOU had more ambition and provided a dream home / life for yourself? Why do you have high expectations of him but not yourself?

A bit late at 57 to seague.

But not too late.

There's time @OP if cash has suddenly become king.

I suspect it hasn't though.

Owning your own business comes with huge uncertainty, risk, no pension contributions, no holidays, no sick pay. But it can (but more often than not isn’t always) be very financially rewarding. But most people quite sensibly don’t want to take that risk.

Didn't you aspire to earn your own money? I have a cracking house, because I wanted it so a chose a somewhat dull, unglamorous, rather stressful career because it is lucrative and affords the lifestyle I want.

I actually find the whole idea of retirement ridiculous.

Retirement from what?

The best people I know kept 'working' until they died, because work wasn't a chore. It was what gave shape to their lives.

I put YANBU because you can be envious. However you and your husband made the choices that you wanted for your career and should be happy with your path. You both could have ‘gone higher’ or diversified in some way in order to increase your salaries.

I like you have had the meaningful jobs whilst my husband, who has his own company, has worked to grow that. We now have the big house and nice car. However, our lives have been dominated by his company and his commitment to it. I am lucky if he takes a week off a year and even then he is never far mentally from work. He works from 530-630 every day and a Saturday morning as well. Now our 3 children all work within his company so at least it is a family affair, but family life has always taken second place to work.

What you ‘see’ your friends having isn’t necessarily what the reality of their lives is. For someone to have the money, I would suggest the hours have been put in.

This isn’t to suggest that their careers were better or more important because I’m not, but we know teaching is not going to make you a millionaire! I like you chose nursing and foster caring as my career (again long hours, stressful and poorly paid), but that was MY chose to do, my motivation.

Our kids have long moved out and I can’t wait to downsize to a much smaller house and garden!!!!!!

Why is this on your husband? Why couldn’t you have been more ambitious and set up your own business? What would you think if your dh said he was cross with you for not earning more?

I do get the desire to wish your life was a bit different. A lot of my friends don’t work at all. Their husbands earn very good money, often due to having their own companies. But I wouldn’t want the stress of being self employed and the worries which come with that. I think it takes a special sort of mind set to be able to do that. It’s not for me, it’s not for dh. And just because he’s a man doesn’t mean dh should be the one doing it. So we both plod along being wage slaves. 😁

Well, yes. But we are not paid pro rata and we get our pay spread across all twelve months. To all extent and purposes, we're paid through the entirety of our time off.

Months of paid holiday? I'm pretty sure teachers are only paid for 5.6 weeks holiday, which is the same or near to that of most employees.

You still have a mortgage. Most people pay off the mortgage before they stop working so cash flow improves.

@TheAngryPuxie I understand being envious of other’s lifestyles. I find myself feeling like that too at times.
My oldest friend is same age as me (57) and has just retired.
Shes enjoying her less stressful life and I’m pleased for her but also know that I will have to keep going with work until I’m 67.

So I do understand your feelings but I would say, try to be less bitter and angry about it. Blaming your husband won’t help.
Try to think about what you have got and also how you might be able to make life a bit happier for each other.

Yes you are being unreasonable. You need to count your blessings what you do have. Comparison is the thief of joy. There are people in a lot worse positions than you are. I choose to stay single and if i did have time to meet someone I certainly am not looking for a meal ticket.

That's not true is it though?

Money as a definer does not bring joy, and the pursuit of wealth is tricksy as a life choice.

But money? It's pretty neutral. It's the why and the what that makes money an interesting question.

Nobody is teaching as a hobby. It’s a gruelling job.

There is no point in being envious. Do what you can to improve your own income if a big house is that important to you.

These “friends” might have suffered traumatic loss and inherited early. They might have had above average luck, or have generous wealthy families. It’s none of your business so focus on your own life and all the blessings you have.

A PP suggested you have a joint income of £70K and you didn't correct them @TheAngryPuxie . If your DH is on £44K, that would mean you are on £26k. That cannot be right if you are working full time.

Why don't you change job now? You have another decade until state retirement age to do something else. You would be able to get a local authority job aligned with your experience, which would likely be a hybrid role, mostly WFH for £35-40K.