To lose interest in seeing friends after I had kids

Sad that you think spending time with adult women is "behaving like a teenager".

But then she'd miss out on the "family staycation" (which is assume is just hanging out at home with the same people she sees all day every day)

No, it's normal to want to be with your family. Some friends will try to make you act like a permanent teenager, but you shouldn't feel bad about your natural wish.

Are you for real?

"I’ll be mildly bored after hearing for more than 5 minutes about their annoying boss or the stress of organising a hen do"

Sounds like you think your life is more important than theirs so maybe you're doing everyone a favour by not going. Shame though. It's nice to have friends. Staying at home all day with your nanny and your kids might get boring after a decade and don't expect your friends to want to listen to your problems (your life will not be perfect forever. Noone's is) when you couldn't be bothered with them.

But you could leave the kids with your nanny housekeeper or your two sets of parents and go for a quick coffee with your friends so they don't have to endure your toddlers, no?

Be careful you don’t look up one day and realise that the world of work and all your friends and your kids and maybe your husband have all moved on without you.

I think you should be very careful in defining your entire life around your husband and children and immediate family.

It might feel it fulfills you at the moment but it won’t always be like this and you might regret it.

I also feel quite sad for you that you don’t see the importance of good friendships and sharing your life with people other than those you live with. I have new and old friends. My oldest close friend has been in my life for more than 30 years. Yes I’ve had friendships break down but most are so special and so important to me.

Yes that was pretty obvious I think. You've become a bit institutionalised within the family unit. Are you planning on going back to work? That might help.

You actually sound rather insufferable so I don’t suppose it will be a loss to these friends

Yep. One of my former best friends missed a big birthday of our joint best mate because she went away for a weekend in UK with her "perfect little family" (booked it knowing they'd be a clash) and same friend barely checked in with me when I lost a parent. We don't see her any more, although she's tried to join back in. Fuck that.

And I absolutely do not agree that only family endures! Look at all the MN posters who are NC with parents. How do you know that won't be you?

My Ds was a holy terror when young. I was exhausted with lack of sleep. But I still kept meeting my friends, maybe not as often but as much as I could manage. I am glad of them now my DC have grown up and have no time for me. Female friendships are a great joy. Especially in middle age.
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Just don’t expect to pick up where you left off with them OP. God, I would be bored out of my mind with such a small circle. But you do you!

Ive seen this happen many many times.

Some of my friends were like this. All very ' my husband is my best friend" and ' I am happy with my little family". Then the husbands moved on, the kids moved away and they were like " let's meet for lunch!"

But I had moved on too.

You have a strange attitude to friendships! The type of life long friendships that you describe absolutely do exist. I love my girlfriends and I care deeply about them. You talk about your friends as if they are there for your benefit alone and can be picked up and put down at your leisure. Yes of course it’s great that your partner is your best friend and you live spending time with your DCs as most people do. But as others have said. Be careful. It’s sounding like you are losing your identity. Do you work? This is a period of time. The poster earlier said she became widowed unexpectedly. Ok so it’s not common but it does happen. As does divorce. There are no guarantees. I think you or being pretty short sighted and I think you are lucky to have the friendships you do.

Be careful making your husband and children your whole identity. They’re all their own people and your children will grow up and won’t need you as much and your husband could leave you tomorrow.

I have little ones the same age and it is all consuming at the moment and I do love spending time together as a family, but this won’t last forever. There’s a lot of life left to live once kids have grown up and although I do love my OH, there’s something special about female friendships and i think there a really valuable relationship to invest in.

I’m sorry you haven’t had fulfilling friendships. My husband is my best friend and I love my children, but I have very strong friendships with others and I love going out with my friends.

You sound like quite a bad friend so maybe it's no loss to you or them then. But just a word of warning, my friends (those who had children are mostly in teens now) remember those of us who couldn't be bothered with us when they were in their little bubble. We don't see them any more. 50% of couples divorce, all children grow up, parents (and partners, and siblings) sadly die... do you want to just have your sister and noone else when you're 50 because you couldn't be bothered?

Don’t be the person who always cancels at the last minute.

People will stop inviting you, whether you say no every time or say yes & always cancel. But the second is much more annoying & unfair on the inviters.

I’m the opposite - I really valued socialising that didn’t centre around kids all the time. You also need to be careful, this all consuming stage won’t last forever and when kids have a bit of independence you’ll need your friends again.