To lose interest in seeing friends after I had kids

That's interesting.

Will you encourage your children to make friends when they are older?
Or do you feel that it will be for the best if their only friendship will be with their parents and their sibling?

Ok that's basically irrelevant though are you going to engage with the vast majority of posters who are warning you that putting everything into your "little family" at the expense of any other aspect of your adult life might be a bad idea?
Or did you only come on here to have people agree with you?

I think this is really unhealthy and enmeshed. And a bit weird.

the key point is the final 3 words "at this stage."

YANBU to feel how you feel, in exactly the same way as someone without kids would be U to find the family life you love boring and insular. Horses for courses. But it won't be long at all in the scheme of things until your kids are old enough to not want to do the full days out, and then soon after that they'll be living completely independently. If I was your friend I wouldn't be up for meeting up in 15 years once you feel at a loss again.

It's completely fair to think that blood relationships are stronger. But your parents are very likely to pass away before you, and even if they live for years, there may come a time when they aren't healthy enough for theatre trips or whatever. Relationships don't always last, and kids move away. It's wise to not put all your eggs in one basket, and, for most people, more fulfilling to have a variety of different relationships - romantic, familial, friendships.

It's not an absolute - perhaps you feel like this because your friendships weren't that close to begin with. Lots of friends are there for a reason/season rather than forever, and you might make new ones. But if you do value your friendships, spending a few hours once a month to keep that connection going is worth it.

I do understand to a degree because I’ve always enjoyed family time BUT as I’ve got older my friendships have come to mean more and more to me and they are incredibly precious to me. Life is full of stages and seasons and I think not investing in friendships now, could leave you regretting it later. It’s hard to make new friends so maintaining friendships is actually easier. Plus that shared history over time, I love that my friends have experienced so many different versions of me and grown with me.

You feel like things have changed since starting a family, but that won’t be your last change so just keep that in mind.

I would be careful, OP, especially as a SAHM (one one myself). You don’t need to go to every gathering but keep up with important ones like 30th, or I think you could regret it in years to come

Meanwhile, if I’m honest, I’ll be mildly bored after hearing for more than 5 minutes about their annoying boss or the stress of organising a hen do.

You can't help how you feel but I find this insulting and rude! You were a woman with friends and a social life before becoming a mother. Personally, I like to remember that from time to time, even though obviously my children and family are my main priority and is where I spend most of my time.

Most of my friend group have kids. Some people in the group have zero interest in what's going on in anyone else's lives unless they are pregnant or have had a baby and I find it so rude. To me, that's not a friend!

Just cut your friends off if you are going to continue to cancel plans, there's nothing worse than a passive member of a group who's keeping their "foot in the door" but has no interest of engaging with the group for the foreseeable future.

I remember one of my friends I met through work became a mum of two fairly quickly and she still made time for the odd catchup. She was beautifully presented and engaged in conversation about both her family life and non-child related topics. She had a lovely close family and siblings to help her too with the kids.

Now I’m a mum and have DH, but sadly not with any family support or a nanny (I wish!). With full time work it’s not easy to make time to socialise outside the family unit but I do.

If I had the endless support from inside the family and one of four siblings - maybe I would be more insular though like you, OP and put my nose above it all.

I agree with PPs saying words of warning thigh - people, even family or husbands, can turn.

No not normal, friends are important and you'll need them. The "my little family" stuff doesn't always last and you'd expect friends to be there if it all went wrong. Also rude to cut friends off for a 'better option'.

It sounds like you’ve grown apart from these friends and don’t have much in common. If you don’t enjoy spending time with them, it could be time to make new friends you actually look forward to seeing. On the text thing, I had one mum friend that only wanted to text to keep in touch. I personally hated it. Over an extended period it really made me think she wasn’t very interested in my life/I didn’t feel I knew what was going on for her. If you’re only interested enough to text, is it really worth trying to maintain the relationship?

You're wrapping up your own identity in being a wife and mom and letting everything else go.

Not having an independent identity is going to come back and bite you when your kids are getting older and more independent themselves. They'll be wanting to go out with their friends and you'll be clinging because your identity is being mom. It's not healthy to turn your kids into your only friends. You need exposure to people outside your husband and kids to maintain a connection with the community and world outside and frankly, you'll get boring as fuck if that's all you care about. You're going to end up socially isolated and that's bad for your cognitive function, and your mental and physical health.

I'm completely the same op

I don’t get this attitude at all sorry OP. I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old whom I love to bits and spend alot of time with. But I love seeing my friends without kids and I love doing non kid things. Honestly who wants to talk about weaning all day long? I don't even want to talk about weaning with my Mum friends.
Long lasting female friendships are one of the most sustaining things in life.

I have always felt this way but I have also gone to the events and usually had a good time! My children are now 6 and 4 and I think if I hadn’t I wouldn’t really have many friends left now. I have a 5 month old now too but dh is more than capable to look after the 3 when I see my friends .

It’s normal to want to spend most of your time with your family. The kids are so young and need you both.

You don’t indicate any curiosity about how your friends are doing though. What if one of them is going through a break up or bad time at work?

I think friends are so important in life and there are ways to maintain it however busy you are. You can still meet for coffees and say that you’ll be more available for weekends/nights out when the kids are a bit older.

This 100% Interesting people are interested and you seem entirely self absorbed . Hopefully your husband continues to find this attractive but I know I wouldn't if my husband had no interest in anyone outside our immediate family and no life outside us. I'd find it too co dependent and a bit of a turn off but thats me I suppose.

You sound incredibly smug. I doubt your friends are missing you at all.

You know, friendships aren't just for talking about yourself or your kids.
You could talk about books, music, the theatre, Artemis or this great big world rather than weaning! 🙄

To be honest, the way you're coming across the other friends are probably better off. Your life isn't superior to your friends without children just because you now have children. See them or don't see them but you can't complain when they want nothing to do with you later down the line.

This might seem harsh but I've had years of being the friend who gets ditched once someone has kids and being the one who always prioritises the friend with kids with no return on that (years because I've suffered years of infertility) and it's fucking shit!

I suppose you can't help how you feel but I'm also a sahm and love the chance to skip a bedtime every so often! I don't meet up with my child free friends that often (due to distance) but when we do, there are plenty of places that are both adult and child friendly - NT properties, museums, walks, even just sitting in the garden.

I have a very clear (and possibly unfair) picture of the OP in my mind and it’s unpleasantly smug.

Doesn’t come across like that to me. Friends without kids dont ask and about you because they think your life with a family is dull. Hearing about travelling and partying is tiresome when conversation and interest isn’t reciprocated.

IMO, YANBU to feel this way but it’s worth making an effort to keep these friendships. It’s hard to make new friends as an adult, you’ll regret it if they stop inviting you, OP.