My Dad told me I'm a shit parent. AIBU to just want to pack up and leave to go home right now?

You've done well here OP - keep it up. When relationships change like this its really important for kids not to blame themselves.

Stay as casual and age-appropriate as feels reasonable during your conversations with them, and keep in mind the risk of them internalizing blame (e.g. not "grandad didn't like your behavior but we think he's wrong", rather "grandad seems to have forgotten how to interact with kids").

Go well OP, many of us have been here. In a way your dad has done you a favour by making the situation so obvious.

I would leave in the morning.

BollyMolly: in my family, kids playing in the mobility chair was a normal part of family life. My father encouraged the children to sit on the chair and taught them to use it. Every family has different rules.
The OP’s father lost it, went right over the top, and now the OP is quite rightly upset. He manhandled her son. It doesn’t matter if the child was being a shit or not, there are appropriate ways to deal with children, and Grandad did not.

Don’t stay if you are upset, OP. If your dad can’t communicate his frustration/problem appropriately, you don’t have to put up with that. I would only stay if he apologised.

People in my family would find it rude if someone allowed a small child to play with buttons on the mechanical chairs that have been bought for older family members with mobility problems, so I would expect to be told off if I let my child do what yours did without saying anything.

Obviously kids are going to want to play on the mobility chair, scooter or stair lift, but they are not toys and parents need to teach them not to press buttons whenever they feel like it. They will get a go on those things if/when the person who needs them
chooses.

Theres a possibility that you do let your children do things that others find unacceptable. It’s not uncommon nowadays with all this gentle parenting nonsense. Sometimes children just need to be told no, but if you think it’s fine for your children to play with someone’s mobility chair then it may be that as a family, you are hard work as guests.

Leave quietly in the morning. Your dad behaved very badly and your kids need to be away from him, perhaps long term. But consider too whether your children are being parented well enough when you visit his home because he sounds at the end of his tether.

She said her husband is also there, and saying she/they should stay put for now and see what things are like in the morning.

I’d be more worried about what your children will think about you staying in a house with someone who has physically assaulted them. I’d say it’s important to show them that you will make and defend their boundaries around violence and respect.

Go for the day out if your children are looking forward to it (minus your awful dad) and then head home.

Yabu to leave in the night.
your dad is vu about the physical stuff.
do you think your kids act as bad as he says? It’s quite extreme to say what he’s said.

I don't really get why your husband is staying? If you are going and thinking of taking the kids?

Your kids do not need this minimising. They need to see that someone (family!) Crossed a line and you acted on it. You do not need to pretend to your children. You keep it truthful but age appropriate.

Grandad behaved in a way that really upset me and as a result I can't be around hime right now. No one is allowed to be physically rough with you kids, even grandad. So we're going home. Via another fun activity without him.

Fuck making it all ok. Masking. Minimising. Show your strength, resolve, boundaries.

They won't think anything, they're young. Sometimes you have to change plans.

You didn't cause this situation. It's ok to respect how you feel and step away.

Show your children how to set boundaries and how not to tolerate such nasty behaviour. Leave first thing

I would go now - find a hotel and get out, never expose your kids to this again. I have a similar family - be the change and stop the cycle.

I would tell the kids the truth - your family cannot be trusted and they will never be abused like that again.

I would pack up, wake the kids and load them into the car in their pyjamas and head to the nearest hotel.

@PoppyBlunt it’s sad but you have to leave in the morning, you could have the day out first if it’s just you 4 going and then head-home.

The kids hopefully won’t remember if you said Sat or Sun but you could make-up an excuse anyway if they do, that you all need a day at home to get ready for the week-ahead.

would leave at the earliest opportunity and never set foot in the place again!

Leave in the morning. You cannot stay any longer after he physically and verbally abused your children and yourself in that way.

Fuck what an awful man. You have to leave tomorrow morning. You can’t tolerate his physical abuse of your child or his emotional abuse of you.

Don’t ask your DH for permission, let him know it’s what you need to do.

Your children need you to leave, so that they learn that it isn't acceptable for them to be treated like that and that if you are in an abusive relationship, you leave. That's what they need to get from this now.

I would have left when he put hands on my child.
I packed my children up and came home when my dad had a vicious racist rant at the television in front of them. They were in pyjamas ready for bed, but absolutely no way was I letting them think that I tolerate or excuse racism.

By staying your teaching your kids that his behaviour is ok. Protect your kids, set some boundaries and leave

Go in the morning.

Has he been like this before? The uncontrolled anger, I mean.

@PoppyBlunt this!

💐

Your dad is physically abusing your 5 year old.

WTF putting his hands around a little kid's throat? Crush injuries there can be lethal. Then dragging him off the sofa by his arm and leg, he could dislocate joints or break bones. Is your 5 year old ok?

Pack up and get the hell out of there. If he tries to stop you, call the police.

You need to think very seriously about going no contact with him and never letting your kids see him again. There is no good to be had from you and your kid being around an adult who physically abused them and had a rage fit with you.

Strangulation as play. WTF.

I absolutely wouldn’t entertain a day out with him and on further consideration if you can get the kids to the car now and all your stuff without waking him up then I would just go - how far from home are you?