My Dad told me I'm a shit parent. AIBU to just want to pack up and leave to go home right now?

He knows exactly what you want him to say. "Im sorry. I overreacted. I said some awful things that I didnt mean. Im completely in the wrong here and I totally understand why you need to leave. But, if you do ever agree to see me again I will never behave like that again" but he can't say any of it. He is a weak, pathetic, bully and its good your kids have a mum who is breaking that cycle.

It's good that you decided to leave @PoppyBlunt Your dad was in the wrong to behave like that towards your child and towards you.

He sounds like a horrible man and clearly has zero ability for self reflection, accountability and to offer an apology for his appalling actions.

Be prepared that he may never apologise and your relationship will not recover from this. But you can rest easy in the knowledge that you removed your children from any future harm from your dad, and you're no longer a target for his vitriol. You did the right thing by asserting a boundary and leaving. This is on him, not you.

💐

So glad you had the courage to leave early, especially as he couldn't bring himself to apologise when you left.

It sounds as if he has form for this type of behaviour. Try and put it to one side for the moment, at least in front. Of the children. Take your time.

I must admit, I do admire your restraint when he called you a shit parent. I would have been straight in there 'I know what a shit parent looks like, you were barely around when I was growing up'

He then shouted at me to stop DS playing. Before I had a chance to do anything he dragged DS off the sofa by his arm and his leg. This was half an hour after he'd had his hands around DS's neck 'play fighting'.

Your kids will know that his abusive behaviour is not acceptable.

Your families are not compatible and it’s not a good situation for any of you. Leave and maybe only socialise out of the house from now on.

You did the right thing - it’s a boundary for your family and your children and only you could have set that boundary in place. Well done. Look sorry to be so blunt but ur dad verbally attacked ur family and then he attacked you all again in the morning by not apologising. This person is not a friend to ur family unless they can apologise. Blood ties do not automatically give anyone the right to behave badly. You need to rest, recover and move on. Do nothing. Don’t call. Don’t write. Just focus on your recovery. And well done again.

100% this. (I only got this far so you may have left by now).

My mother's parents were violent and abusive. My mother still insisted we see them and stay over several times a year. It taught me that my safety did not matter. That she did not care for my safety. That her priorities were appeasing them at all costs. That carried over for decades where i felt that in order to be safe, loved, protected i had to appease abusers. I am 52 now and it has had a very real impact on my life.

Yeah, glad you are getting the hell out and going home op. Totally unacceptable way to treat your child. I’d be going LC and not visiting again any time soon. Maybe stick to calls, emails etc if you can’t trust him around your kids.

Your dad sounds awful, and frightening.

I’d have packed up ready to leave first thing this morning. I’d also not expose my children to him again.

I’m glad you’re leaving OP, your dad sounds awful. What was he like when you were young?

What was your DH doing when your dad was shouting at you like this?

You're right to leave. And really consider if you visit again. No way would I stay somewhere my child was treated like that, let alone being spoken to like that myself. Get away and have a nice day yourselves.

Was he like this when you were young?

Focus on the behaviour towards your DS.

I hope you’re about to leave and head off for an early breakfast somewhere.

What he said to OP wasn’t a “telling off” though, was it?

It was an angry tirade from a terrible person that has absolutely no self-control. If he mentioned the chair not being a toy, what his own child heard and remembers was “you’re a shit parent”, “we’re glad when you leave” and “your family is not normal”.
Perhaps you can reflect on that if your own style of correction is similar to his, and ask yourself whether it might be difficult to maintain a relationship with someone for whom such an attack is an acceptable standard of interaction.

No child should be dragged off a chair for misbehaving. No one should put their hands around anyone's neck - even while 'playing'. Why are people minimizing this?

OP protect your child and leave. Let your child know that his safety is more important than keeping an abuser happy.

Pack up in the morning and head home and do something nice as a family on Sunday

With abusive men The Accusations are Admissions. That’s all you need to remember. Presumably his outburst was completely in character.

I absolutely would leave as early as possible tomorrow and my parting shot would be to tell her “if you ever need help to escape your abuse we’ll be there for you”

He thinks that he can’t possibly be expected to keep his temper when a child touches his stuff. Actually YES he is expected to cope with minor things with good grace and not have a tantrum. He’s an absolute disgrace and a total baby. At some level you think that he can’t be expected not to get angry,

Your husband is kind to want to preserve the peace, but he should have no interest in staying. He should also quietly explain to your father that he is protecting someone he loves from repeated abuse, and you won’t be coming back until he can apologise properly to you and get anger management help.

Kids are asleep, DH there and you feel safe so stay put.
Msybe see how the outing tomorrow goes. But also reflect on this - are your kids a bit rowdy, out of control? Is your Dad suffering some kind of stress or just being a bit of a curmudgeon? What he said was horrible
But try not to blow things up - a lot of the mumsnet advice is very oriented that way, but it’s the path to relationship fracture and not repair

I’d be getting up early and leaving. No way i’d be going on a day out so he can pass more judgement. There’s no way i’d ever be staying there again. He has crossed a line and i’d be no or very minimal contact.

OP you are a shit parent if you stay. You are focussed on the angry tirade at you and not the physical assaults on your son.
You need to leave and you need to only ever see him on 'neutral ground' again, if at all.

Mobility wasn't bad enough to stop him assaulting this 5 year old multiple times was it?!

What an obscene defence of child abuse.