My Dad told me I'm a shit parent. AIBU to just want to pack up and leave to go home right now?

Gosh how old are you? It’s 2026

Set Alarm for very early. Get all belongings in car first. Then prepare drinks for journey, put in car. Shepherd children into car ASAP after they wake up. Give minimal reason , very little conversation when you leave, just say you will phone them later. Then GO !!!!!!!! ...I've been in thus situation, but without children in tow. I just jumped out my chair and ssud " IM GOING TO THE PUB !!!!!! ".....I never went back!!!!!! ( for many months). Good Luck !! ..You dont need these TOXIC people around you.

Gentle parenting is not letting your kids do what they want, it’s actually very much about boundaries and consequences and following through.

telling a child off for fiddling with equipment yes, physically manhandling them no. And all this oh rough play is normal to toughen boys up is nonsense. If the dad hates it so much, he shouldn’t invite the op and her family to stay, it’s perfectly normal for grandparents to feel hosting with small kids is too much and just prefer visits!

I thought you were joking, but got to the end and realised, no… Anyway. As the OP has already confirmed a number of times, her dad has no mobility issues, there’s no mobility equipment involved. The child wasn’t playing.

So you can relax and stand down, no mobility equipment was harmed in the making of this thread 😊

Thank god you said this.
I totally agree. Oerhaos OPs children ARE feral little monsters and this presumably elderly or ar least much older man has had enough of them trashing his home?
Parents are far too precious nowadays and the family have probably tried numerous times to drop subtle hints regarding discipline etc and now he has finally lost it.
The whole strangulation play. Probably just a Grandpa playing rough with his grandson. Nothing sinister, okay I wouldn't do it but the older generation did this with their sons to toughen them up, a bit dated I know but my Dad did it with my brothers, hardly attempted murder!
All this rubbish about abuse and violence and 'flee to a hotel' show your children how to deal with an abuser...😂
Um no, teach your kids how to behave!!

If it was me, I'd be setting off first thing in the morning and going nc. No way would I tolerate my dad laying 1 finger on my babies. I'm sorry your dad treated you all like this. I hope youre OK, sending hugs 🩷

Goodness me! I can't believe you are still having any contact with a man like this, not alone staying at his house and letting him abuse your kids and yourself!

Did he abuse you as a child? He sounds an absolute horrible piece of work.Your child's reaction should have been enough for you to walk right out and not go back.

And your DH thinking it is okay for you and his kids to stay in such a toxic environment is concerning too!

I would leave in the morning . How often do you stay ? Are you invited by him or do you ask to go and stay ?

He sounds like he's had enough and is taking it out on you . Are you keeping the kids occupied or leaving them to their own devices ? Hecwill n probably phone you in a few days to apologise for the swearing etc but I think you have to be honest with yourself about how the kids are behaving . Saying that , he is totally out of line dragging the child off the sofa like he did . Pack up tonight so you have a quick exit tomorrow

Your poor children.
Make that the last time they are exposed to him.

You are both shit parents.

Your father manhandled your kid and neither one of you put a stop to it. I’m sure you thought your firm words were enough… but it wasn’t.

Then you stood there and took being shouted and sworn at while your kids no doubt heard all that 💩.

Then you put them to bed in that environment and they probably felt like they were walking on egg shells in order to not make the crazy old man angry again.

And you aren’t sure if you’re unreasonable to leave.

Are you seeking attention with your post or genuinely clueless ? It’s hard to tell with most people on here.

You and your husband need spine transplants. I hope in the future if someone put their hands on your kids you to more than have a couple words.

I hope you at least have the sense to never take them around your psychotic father again.

Glad to see you’ve left.

Was your husband there when all this was happening? If so, did he say anything to your father?

Depends how long you are planning to stay. But my opinion is stay for now and next time you visit rent an airbnb close to your dad when you visit and that’s it. It’s often hard work to be in the same house trying to balance your own routines, parenting, making sure you please the people hosting you etc.

Instead of apologising he's doubling down.

I'd go low/ no contact. As a parting gift I might tell him what I think and how I feel.

He sound like shit dad and and even shit grandad.

Leave in the morning. Do not disturb the kids in the evening . Horrible situation but do what feels right when you wake up.

If my FIL had manhandled a child of mine like your DF did OP, I'm not sure that I would have been able to keep my hands off him so well done DH.
In your position, that would be the last I ever saw of that abusive cunt. It would be a cold day in hell before he ever came near my children again.

My mantra is you never know who is pissing through a tube. It sounds like your dad is having a tough day/week/year. I guess you don’t hate him and he doesn’t hate you, so the situation, plus whatever else is going on, pushed him too far. Last year our son (5) knocked my father in law’s tv off its stand and broke it, and he said he didn’t want him to visit any more. He is 77 with fairly bad spinal pain, lots of medication and a moderate drinking problem. He’s not my favourite person ever, but he is my kids’ only grandpa left, when he’s on form he can be a great guy, and we owe him a lot, so we judge him on the good moments. Almost certainly your dad will be sad and sorry, even if he can’t articulate it. If he was an old lion he’d have eaten them, so it could be worse.

Glad you got out. His behaviour was unacceptable even if your children WERE being feral.

Were they? Are you a good parent? Do your kids generally respect boundaries? I know a lot of parents who think the sun shines out of their kids' backsides, and they are absolutely horrible guests. Don't be that family 👍

Absolutely this.
Explain to the kids, that behaviour was not acceptable and you are not allowing contact between him and the kids to protect them.
When theyre older make sure you explain in more detail and they understand that treating people like that is wrong and just as important - that they should not allow people to treat them like that.

This ^
I wouldn’t contact him for some time and definitely not for visits etc. Take your time to think about the situation.
Your Dad said that it’s how he was feeling and it’s up to him but it’s up to you to have your own opinion about what he said, what he did and what kind of parent and grandparent he was. Tell him this.
And please stay calm in possible conversations with him. Don’t give him anything, anything at all to claim that you are unreasonable.

We have one of those reclining sofas and my DGC love it. I showed them how to use it so they can do it for themselves (ages 8 and 5). If they kept putting it up and down unnecessarily they would be getting told off, but they mostly don't. We do have rules about no food on it as we are a bit worried about crumbs etc getting into the mechanism. I make the rules clear and they mostly follow them, if they don't they get reminded, but I most certainly never enforce them with physical violence. What the grandfather did in these circumstances was awful. The sofa has to be plugged into the mains by the way, so if his is similar all he had to do was unplug it - it's not rocket science.

God he sounds horrible. Even at the point of his daughter leaving he can't see any issue with his words or behaviour.

I’m not sure if this is a serious response, if it is it’s quite concerning, but if you read the OP, it was a reclining sofa (not a mobility aid) and he reclined it once. That’s what its intended purpose is.

Would the grandfather have chosen physical violence if an adult house guest had simply reclined the sofa? Probably not because he clearly has different expectations of a child and is a bully with those smaller than him.

If the children were being badly behaved, what does physically dragging them off furniture teach them? That violence is the answer if you don’t like something and to be scared of their grandfather, who had bizarrely just been ‘play fighting’ at strangling them?

Exactly this. Why did you stay when he physically touched your child?! I can't fathom that and saying a "day out is planned" f that! He assaulted your child. Unless growing up you have been conditioned to this behaviour I don't know why you are even still there?!

Voted you are being unreasonable because you didn't rip him a new one and leave immediately. I can't believe you or your dh are even contemplating staying near that c* for another second. I think my dh would have probably wanted to knock him into next week. Wtf. I know its an over used phrase but I'd go nc.

Leave. Block that abusive c*nt on EVERYTHING, and go NC.