AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

I love seeing unworn jewellery redesigned into something that someone wants to wear everyday. It’s not destroying an heirloom, it’s repurposing it for someone else to love.

My DD has her DGM’s engagement ring for when she gets engaged. I thought she might want to redesign it but no she wants it just as it is!

Good plan

Yanbu he shouldn’t tear apart a family heirloom
if he wants to pick apart rings he can get other real diamond engagement rings really cheaply as their resell value is so low

As the saying goes, “Diamonds are forever” but fashion and humans are not!

I get where you’re coming from.

A ring was left to me by my Nana (mum’s mum) when I was 18 with instructions that my future husband was to propose with it. It’s a beautiful ring but not really my style. My partner and I have been together for a while now and my mum and cousins have access to my (private) Pinterest board which shows how I’d like the ring to be jazzed up a bit. My mum would love if I used the original ring, but also appreciates that I’d like something different and to make the ring my own and breathe new life into it. L She also knows my Nana would do the same (she really would!).

Maybe try and view it as the next generation of the ring and diamonds?

I love this.

Id ask dc not to destroy the ring. To have one made up or buy one.

I had a pearl necklace left to me by my grandmother. It was originally her mother's. I would never wear a strand of pearls so I had earings made for me and my cousins. Each pair were designed for the wearer and are different but we all have my great grandmother's pearls.

It is very normal in history to redesign family pieces. The memories are still there but they are more suited to the person wearing them. I think it is lovely.

Could you not suggest that he keeps the ring intact as a heirloom to wear on special occasions, and uses it to propose, and then she could choose something for herself in her own style for daily wear? That way the ring stays in tact but it still holds sentimental value.

So funny.
Hideous ring.
She's a real trooper!

I think a lot depends on the relationship between DS and his grandmother while she was alive. If he never got to know her, then there is no connection.

The OP is the one with emotional ties to the ring. If she wants to decide its further use, she can offer to buy it.

I own 2 engagement rings. The one on my finger will go to DD when I shuffle off. The other (DGM’s, passed down through DM) will go to DS if and when he wants to get engaged, to do as he pleases with. Sell, remodel or keep.
I’m the last person who remembers DGM, so it will be free to start a new life.

OP do you think your DM would like part of her ring to be reused or for it to be sitting in a box in a drawer for years?

There's a bit of a tradition in our family of old jewellery being reshaped for the next generation. For a few generations back, my dad's side of the family all worked in the jewellery quarter, so repurposing bits and pieces was all a bit like the alteration challenge in Sewing Bee.

I understand your sadness, OP, but if it's inevitable maybe the way to view it is that the spirit of the ring remains.

You are a woman though… so it would have gone to you. Then you could pass it to one of your sons daughters if they had them. Obviously if there really is nobody then of course a man gets it but I meant preferentially women should get it.

Could the gold from the old ring form (part of) your son’s wedding band?

Can you offer to buy it off of him?

Very tricky. I would feel similar to you. Perhaps your son feels pressure to use the ring he was gifted. Sounds like his fiancée isn’t keen on the style so he’s trying to make the best out of it rather than not using it at all. Doesn’t sound like he’s using it for sentimental reasons per se- or am I wrong about that?

I know you can’t go back in time but if the ring was precious to you I would have asked to keep it yourself, then perhaps down the line you might have a granddaughter to pass it on to. That’s by the by now I realise.

If it were me, I would say something to him before it’s too late to be honest. If he’s redesigning the whole ring he must have a decent budget as it’s not necessary the cheapest option. If he doesn’t perhaps you could offer something towards it to cover the fact he won’t be using the diamonds any more? Not sure if that is feasible for you of course.

I have my DH's grandma's engagement ring, which i love, but just wear it on my other ring finger, as it's better as a single ring. I don't think I could've remodelled it if I didn't like it though. I would've felt bad.

On the fence. I value family history and heirlooms highly. But is this destroying family history or making it?

Maybe the ring would otherwise just go in a drawer and within a generation be meaningless to anyone.

Is he using it because he feels he has to? Perhaps you could as someone else has suggested, get the ring valued and buy it off him if it holds no sentimental value for him? That way he could put the money to a ring of his choosing,
Personally I would rather it was repurposed/redesigned and worn, rather then lie in a drawer never to see the light of day.
My Mum has some very expensive rings, but I think they are hideous as I prefer minimal jewellery/nature inspired themed rather than large showy clusters.
I’ve only got boys and I’ve told her that she would be better asking my brother if he will keep them back for his daughter then leaving any of it to me. If my niece wanted to break apart the clusters into something else her style, then I’d think it was a great idea. Things like that should be worn otherwise there is no point in keeping them.

I think you need to gently let him know that some might not like the destruction of an heirloom piece, and that might include his hopefully-fiance-to-be. As it sounds like she's unaware of his plans. She might be horrified. I would have been.

What’s your relationship like with your future DIL?

@Cathrube Unless it’s a name manufacturer it’s probably not very valuable and was a high street purchase. I’d not advocate altering a signed ring or decent jewellery that’s Art Deco or Edwardian but a 60s cluster of smaller diamonds is probably not fashionable - halo rings are. That’s why she wants it changed. (Meghan changed the ring Harry gave her!). Can he just not buy the sapphire ring? Although lots of people do reuse gems and incorporate memories that way.