AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

This! All rings in our family have been passed down to the females in the family. I wouldn’t want to be proposed to with a ring from someone I’d never met. Much better for the ring to o go to a granddaughter who’s more likely to treasure it. And it doesn’t have to be her engagement ring, just a nice family heirloom.

I completely agree. You wouldn't say a house that you inherited had to stay the same because of the memories, it will be creating memories.

Not that the o.p can't feel sad about it

@Cathrube Did your son consult with you on this decision before making it? Whilst it was given to him if he made this choice without even running it past you I think that is just as hurtful as changing the ring. I think it’s sad to change the ring but at least something positive will come from it.
But I do wonder if some of your upset is from the fact that he didn’t check how you would feel about the idea.

So why would you give it to him?

Here you go store this item for me and never ever dare change it or sell it.

Not much of a gift tbh.

I think it sounds absolutely lovely too.

My husband proposed with a family ring. It wasn't the kind of ring I had indicated I might like, so when he proposed he said we could get a different one if that was what I wanted. But it was a beautiful ring and it means so much to know it has come from his family. I also now think it's much nicer than what I would have picked!

My point is that your son's girlfriend might actually love and appreciate the ring as it is, even if it's not what she has said she would like. Could your son propose with your mother's ring as a 'placeholder' in the same way, with a choice to keep it as it is, redesign it, or choose something else?

I have my mother’s rings - there is no way I would let DS alter it. Was he willed it or did you pass it down to him?

I think it’s his ring, his choice. If he hasn’t specifically asked you for advice don’t weigh in, I think it’s lovely he is designing it for her/with her in mind.

I think the ring likely means more to you than it would to any of the younger male generation so I would agree with previous posters that I would offer to buy it from him so he can put the money towards the ring they want and you can treasure the original ring.

Completely agree. If the OP has a daughter or niece, surely it would mean much more to them to wear their grandmother’s ring?

Op why didn’t you get the ring?

A ‘peach’ sapphire, in yellow gold? Really?

this is about money ultimately, he cannot afford to buy her the ring she would love hence the redesign. If you do decide to intervene I would at least expect you to buy it from him so he can still get her the ring he wants

i think yabu, jewellery can still be sentimental when redesigned, they will both still know where the stones come from. Much better than never wearing it at all.

Also, it seems dangerous territory to change the ring before proposing. Even if he thinks he knows what his girlfriend wants, he might be missing the mark. If they are going to change the ring then she should be involved.

Could you encourage him to propose with the ring as is and discuss with her what they do with the ring. I think it would be really beautiful to propose with an item with such sentimental value. But absolutely awful if she didn't actually like what he changes it to.

Resale diamonds have little value unless they are quite large, and diamonds are down right now.

What is his motivation? To save a bit on the cost, bc it my not save him any if at all. If it's sentimental, that's a bit more understandable, but also harsh bc your left with a brutalized ring.

I would talk to him about leaving it intact.

I must say he sounds lovely op. Wanting to make sure this ring is perfect down to the exact shade.

Suggest he buys a different ring and leave that one to pass to his eldest child

You are absolutely entitled to feel however you want to feel.

However, your feelings don’t trump his entitlement to choose what he does with the ring that he owns.

Smile, tell him how beautiful it is, and how happy you are that he’s proposing.

I think it’s really lovely have a ring incorporating the family ring! Honestly OP.

Have you tried talking to him and asking him if he even wants the ring? It sounds like he is trying to incorporate it into his engagement but it would probably be cheaper just to buy the ring he wants. Could you offer to buy it maybe? Although you need to make sure you actually use it then.

My daughter inherited a very large dress ring from my MIL worth more than any ring I have owned (not that I am bitter!). She very graciously suggested making two rings out of it, one for her and one for her sister but when we looked into getting two rings made it was prohibitively expensive and meant working around the dress ring which wouldn't have been her first choice. I would say to your son that he might be best to at least look into this before doing anything - you could always offer to get the ring valued and pay him what it is worth? His fiancee might get a lovely new ring and since she presumably has no attachment to the ring, that might suit her?

I'm about to have my paternal grandmother's engagement ring made into a pair of earrings (with the blessing of my aunt, my grandmother's daughter - the ring was originally left to my mother, who left it intact but never wore it).

I also have my late MIL's engagement ring - she died before DH and I met but it was important to DH I should have it. I wear it on my ring finger on my other hand.

Tell him how you feel, but be prepared for him to go ahead with his plan anyway. And do not ever hold that decision over him, one conversation and it is done. Never mentioned again.