AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

I think it’s lovely what he’s doing

I think it’s one of these cases neither of you are unreasonable really. I understand you wanting the ring to be kept
as is but equally I understand him wanting to repurpose it into something that will be reused

What if they also don’t want the rings or will just sit dusty in a draw till eventually one day a home clearance company takes them.

There is no jewellery in my family I wish to inherit.

I hate the "eldest" getting everything. Why are things always passed to the eldest and no others in the lineage?

And what if there isn’t any female family? I’ve got two sons.

You can feel sad if you want but probably better to move on. It's just a ring in the end. The memories and relationships aren't changing, just the object.

If you can shift your mindset to see the repurposing in a positive light, you will be happier and everyone will be chuffed

I was just thinking the same.

I bet Kate Middleton would’ve had that gopping engagement ring repurposed like a shot if she’d had any choice in the matter. 😂

I think it sounds lovely, I would be happy if any DGC did this with my ring after I’ve gone. Reusing the diamonds is combining family history with the new history the happy couple will create together.

It might be worth sussing out if he feels he has to use grandmother's ring. Perhaps he is trying to use it in some way. Or if affordable offer to pay for the halo diamonds in new ring and keep mums ring for yourself, you could pass it to a granddaughter one day.

If son does feel sentimental about the ring and wants to use the diamonds then I would not cause a fuss as it is his choice, but i would definitely have a gentle conversation.

That is so sweet @Cathrube ❤️❤️ I had never heard of a peach sapphire until your thread it looks absolutely stunning.

Adding to the above...sounds like the GF doesn't LIKE the ring as it is and wants an entirely different kind of ring so he is going to basically destroy your dear mother's ring to appease her whilst saving a bit of money.

Yeah. Hard no. Incredibly distasteful and disrespectful.

He's no longer really passing the ring down, is he? He's going to have it completely dismantled to small parts to create an entirely new ring.

I think that given this, one of the other family members should be able to have it if they intend to honor it as it is.

I'd have a word with him. It doesn't sit right with me, personally.

I’m with you. The family heirloom piece should remain intact.

She’s bound to have known that with only boys to choose from that it would possibly end up being altered, unwanted by a fiancée or even lost to the family in a divorce.

all you can do is offer to buy it off him so that he can have a new custom ring built with the money or take some stones for it if he has sentimentality and leave you with the rest

if he says no then he wants his fiancée to have his grans ring.

I would feel the same. I wear my mother's rings everyday. They are probably very dated but I don't care, when I wear them, I feel close to my lovely Mum.

My aunt gave me my nans engagement ring when my husband and I talked about getting engaged. Actually my nan wasn’t a nice person and was estranged from 2 of her 3 daughters for 20 years. But I look at it that my grandad chose it and he was a lovely man, so I wear it with pride. It’s over 100 years old . It’s obviously antique and very much a ring of its time and people often comment on it.

I think it's really sad. And I'd be rather upset at this. It's not a simple tweak, it'll render the ring useless, as he's removing the little diamonds and putting it on a new band with a new centre stone. So he's not even redesigning the ring, he's destroying it.

I'd actually be furious. He should get a bespoke ring designed for his girlfriend, and leave your mother's ring as it is, either give it to a relative who will appreciate it, or gift it to you.

I think he's being incredibly thoughtless. A brand new bespoke ring of her choosing would be much more appropriate given she doesn't like your mother's ring as it is.

My mum didn’t specify who got what in terms of her jewellery. This wasn’t a problem as I didn’t want any of it and my 3 sisters chose a few pieces each. They all had rings and necklaces remodelled and now wear and enjoy them. They had good diamonds and other stones like rubies and emeralds, but the designs were dated - her engagement ring was from the 60s for example.

They still gave sentimental associations, but if they’d kept them as they were, they’d not have been worn. My mum would’ve hated to think we felt obliged to keep her rings and necklaces as she had them.

I agree with you OP.
However, your mother made he decision and I would let any sentimentality go with the ring.
I presume she had zero sentimental attachment when she made her decision, otherwiseshe would have chosen differently.
What he is doing is to be predicted so don't stress about it.

I have what can only be described as a spectacular amount of jewellery, from inheritance, a gifting husband, and years in the far east 40 years ago.

I will divide it out between my children, but my son's will not be getting any of the inheritance pieces from great grandparents, including watch chains, fobs, diamond rings, pure gold match pendants etc. and valuable dress rings.

They will go to my daughters and what they do with them will be up to them.
You cannot expect most young men to have the same attachment IMO.

If you really want it you could as if you could pay for the ring his girlfriend actually wants, but he may be more sentimental than you think and using the diamonds may be important to him.
If he insists on redesigning it make sure you get a good photo of it first.

I appreciate how you feel. I think it's totally normal to mourn the change.

However...I was trying to imagine myself in the same situation and I imagined my DIL proudly showing off her beautiful engagement ring, that she really, really loves and her telling everyone " it's made with the diamonds from DHs grandma's ring" and that's kind of a cosy feeling.

If they ever get divorced, good luck getting it back, it will be out the family forever. Personally I would have given it to a female relative, a niece maybe … or saved it for a Granddaughter

Why not to ask your DS? to explain how you feel about it? and maybe offer some contribution, kind of "buy out" the ring? In a gentle way.
You say he's not sentimental, he might just see it as material for the new ring, not sentimental value. He may or may not agree.

Also, depends on your relationship with DIL, you might share your feelings with her, women are usually sensitive to such things.

Have you told him that?

It was an odd choice by your mother OP.