AIBU to not want sex with my husband?

I would never touch this man again.
he is emotionally abusive.
this isn’t the Middle Ages. You do not owe anybody sex.

Laughing out loud at the cringey doormat women "oooh he might just have an affair then..."

Nope. That's not an option for normal people. Sex or no sex, sticking your cock in a random is definitely not one of the options if you've made vows or promises😆

Here's what he can do without being an abusive piece of fucking shit - he can say he plans to fuck someone else outright. He can leave.

What he cannot do (unless he wants to be an abusive piece of fucking shit) is have an affair. Genuinely funny that the doormat dollies think this is a thing. Just because some men are abusive lying pieces of fucking shit that doesn't make it a tick box option😂

Anyway, OP, he wants sex and that's that. Of course it's not ok for a man with a normal sex drive to just put up with you saying no over and over.

If you cannot think of anything else, he will leave or you should end the marriage.

Everything else aside, sex is a huge thing to a lot of women and men and he's not going to just say "oh well then not to worry".

I don’t think there is a way back from where you are. You’d have to want to and it doesn’t sound like you do. And frankly neither would I.

So it boils down to the financials of escaping. Do you need to retrain to get back in the workforce? Is there something adjacent you can do part time for a while. You can claim UC while the kids are under 5 I think. Will he pay child support?

You might find you’re less exhausted without him around. You could try being honest, you have no libido or interest, very sorry just is what it is. And let him make the choice to leave, he might be more agreeable in that case.

It’s not an uncommon situation, but you’re seeing him for who he is now. Little children can really shine a light on character. And entitled and unhelpful is unattractive.

That's awful! I hope you got him done for rape. What a foul creature

She didn't post a simple 'is he unreasonable for wanting sex'?

She described his behaviour and it's awful, and yet you're saying he's not unreasonable.

And while it might not be an unreasonable position to want your marriage to include sex, it is unreasonable, unrealistic and also often delusional when people think sex is going to continue in a relationship where there is no closeness or emotional intimacy and you say such awful things to your partner.

I agree that she should leave him though because he's not going to change.

Why would you want to have sex with someone who is mean to you and coerces you as if you owe him?

he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve you and I think deep down you know that.

I don’t understand how these men think they can be abusive and dismissive and disrespectful, then think a woman will want to turn around and be intimate with them. Ffs they all need to go live among themselves on a damned Island of apes.

When my DC were very young, I was exhausted and I really struggled. My DH pestered me for sex and I became more and more put off. He sulked and shouted. It was a vicious circle. It reached a point where he would start having sex with me when I was asleep. We split up shortly after this. I couldn’t stand him anymore. Any love I had for him was gone.

It’s a very difficult situation in a relationship, when one partner is consumed my parenthood and feels exhausted. Sex becomes just one more hill to climb. When the other partner wants sex and gets rejected, it can all become impossible to get through, especially if the partner wanting sex becomes a sex pest. Frankly, this is counterproductive. The more they pester you, the further away you are pushed.

Your relationship is over so you need to put your kids in nursery, get a job and get a divorce. However I will give him credit for providing for his house while having MS because it’s a horrible disease and can really kick your ass.

he can be emotionally abusive and changeful

he started insulting me calling me ugly and saying/' I dont want to anyway because your ugly"

I gave up my work so I am financially dependent on him

End it.

Please end the marriage. For your mental wellbeing, and the children’s.

He is a nasty, selfish abusive man. And that will never change.

He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t love your children either. Because if he did, he wouldn’t be treating their mother like that.

Do you have friends and family you can confide in? Because if you do, please tell someone and seek support.

I would also try and get back into some sort of work. You need your own finances in a situation like this.

He’s a dick, but wanting your marriage to include sex is not an unreasonable position. I think OP should leave him because the marriage sounds like a dumpster fire in general, not just because they have completely mismatched sex drives.

YANBU

Your husband is repulsive. I'd suggest making plans to leave him - sooner rather than later. There are benefits calculators to help you figure out what you may be entitled to as a single parent, and the CMS calculator. Then you can look into free childcare funded hours and see if you can get some part-time work.

Don't stay with this repulsive bully. BTW I wouldn't have sex with him either, vile man.

Jesus, how bad would he have to be for you to think he was unreasonable?

Ranting at his wife because she doesn't want sex even though she has a 19 month old and a traumatic birth.
Calling her manipulative when it's clearly him who is.
He doesn't support her emotionally, does nothing to build a connection either.
He's dismissive when she raises concerns.
Won't do anything unless she constantly asks.

and to top it off, the other day when she didn't want sex he said he didn't want to anyway because she's ugly.

And you don't think that that is unreasonable? Do you think people are entitled to sex no matter how they behave or treat their partner? Do you think it's reasonable to go on like that when your partner doesn't want sex when you treat them like crap?

Time to get back to work OP. Your body already knows what your brain is struggling to accept. You slightly hate this man. Or he has let you down significantly. You certainly have the ick. He sounds like a prick tbh though everyone can be a bit of a prick sometimes. Good luck getting a job. Dont be financially dependent on someone who abuses you. Xx

You two need to split - there is nothing there OP.

Clearly you need to separate. I would say end the relationship but it's already ended hasn't it. You just need to see the process through.

You are not unreasonable but neither is he.

I think you should call it a day and split - the marriage sounds utterly miserable.

This man sounds disgusting. He doesnt respect you for a start off talking to you like that.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm on my own after a similar situation several years ago now. Its tough bringing kids up on your own....but I thank my lucky stars I walked when I did and I dont have to tolerate his bullshit anymore. Best of luck OP.

On your own, you would send your kids to school /nursery/childminder and go back to work. It's better for them than being around an abusive relationship dynamic.

You are in an abusive relationship and asking if you are unreasonable to not want to have sex with the man that abuses you…

OP please get help from a domestic abuse charity (they are really good) and support to leave this man because he will not change. Also read Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft.

This pressure from him for sex is also abusive btw.

in your original post you wrote everything you need to say

“I don’t feel emotionally supported or connected to him”

that’s the passion killer, it’s primal instinct, why would you let anyone so close to you, let alone inside you when they feel unsafe to you

unless you both try a shit loaf of marriage counselling you need to get out of this marriage while you have anything left of yourself. I’m not one to jump on the LTB bandwagon but in this case it seems like the only answer, he will crush your confidence and any sense of self you have bit by bit

good luck OP

Absolutely this

No but it would at least show that he is taking her seriously and listening to her, which could (could) be a first step.

That said, he doesnt sound like he is the sort that would. He sounds like a Manosphere padawan, so husband = work and wife = everything else plus sex on demand.

This isn't really about the sex afterall, is it? This is not a happy, loving, respectful marriage.

I've been where you are and unsurprisingly my sex drive returned when I ditched my awful husband and started dating a decent man.

But back to you. Can you see any way of working with him to get to the real problem here and try to salvage the marriage, or is he the kind of man who won't listen and will just twist everything around and make it your fault?

(I'd put money on the latter.)