AIBU to not want sex with my husband?

This was an issue for us. Our kids are much older, and so there was less 'excuse' on my part (you're still in the throes of tiny people).

My DH would try it on and get upset at being rejected. I couldn't be arsed and often felt tense wondering if he was going to suggest sex. We decided to schedule sex into our marriage, and we now have sex every second Sunday. I know lots will be horrified by this but it works for us - we know where we are, no-one is worried about being rejected, and we both enjoy it.

But your DH sounds like a tosser, and I wouldn't want him to touch me ever. Calling you ugly is inexcusable.

See a solicitor first. Get your child home schooled first so she gets main custody and he pays her a high spousal maintenance.

I can't imagine being in a relationship so bad that my partner thinks it's ok to call me ugly.

That alone would be it. This relationship is unambiguously over and now you've got to do the right thing for your children. See a solicitor ASAP.

Absolutely ditch homeschooling and get back to work.

It's over. Start the ball rolling. You will be happier long term and he can find someone else to abuse. Win win.

Why have another baby with this man if things havnt been right for few years?
It would have been far less complicated to up and leave without children

This. The marriage isn't salvageable. He's a nasty piece of work.

Agree - a man who genuinely contributes domestically without needing to be asked, sees what needs to be done and does it and doesnt think any of that is unusual .....

....is mad sexy.

It it also unfortunately exceedingly rare. Hence the bold "genuinely" .

@Anonymous23458d I haven't had sex for 12 years with my dh. Never liked sex ever but kind of forced myself to it.
I'm depressed (on medication) and have a lot of ressentment built up against dh which doesn't help. I have told him that I'm not going to force myself to have sex with you, I have no libido at all so take it or leave it (me). We have two dc so it's complicated to split up.

If you dislike him, and you have reason, sort the situation out yourself!
Get a job again.
Send you children to school and nursery.
Move out.
Don't be reliant on someone else to provide for you.

If he has MS, is tired a lot, but also provides all the money....you have to make a decision about getting a job to support your children and get a better life for yourself

BeMorePacific, I was also wondering about the MS, I have a cousin with it, diagnosed in her 30s, she's angry and bitter about it (I don't blame her) and a friend's husband fit healthy seeming guy early 40s, he couldn't stay awake, then test after test sadly revealed the reason.. I wonder what the relationship was like for the poster prior to kids being born!

He sounds awful, OP. I wouldn't want sex with someone who pressured me like that and called me ugly for not wanting it.

It sounds like an utterly miserable marriage to someone you're not attracted to. Do both him and yourself a favour and make plans to split up.

Right. It's not the OPs right to expect him to stay married without sex either.

Putting everything else aside, nobody has the right to ride roughshod over another person's boundaries, body, wants or needs and it goes both ways.

She can say no, he can leave.

And she really just does not like him or fancy him anyway so she should go back to work, and end it.

Yep.And I think it's bloody odd that she gave up work knowing he has MS tbh.

And she's not entitled to expect him to remain married while she says "no sex ever or maybe if I feel like it some time"

She admits she just doesn't fancy him and really sounds like she doesn't like him, but it does sound like she wants him to stick around and keep paying the bills. She wants to be told "of course just keep refusing him sex for years if you like, tough shit to him".

No.

He does not sound particularly great, but to be honest, my spidey senses are tingling about the OP too and it is VERY rare that I take a man's side ove a woman's.

She does not have the right to him paying all the bills and living with her while she denies him sex for as long as she feels like any more than he has the right to just have an affair.

She does have the right to end the relationship though.

He sounds really gross to be honest.
a low sex drive when your kids are young is very normal. The constant demand, little sleep and trying to keep on top of everything is hard work and your body is recognising that it probably isn’t a great idea to add another child to it.
if you want to save the marriage then try and explain how tired you are and get him to step up.
if you don’t, time to call it a day.

No, it's not a right, but they can't be upset if the husband chooses to walk away.

Still would cause exhaustion and pain.

Urgh he sounds completely vile. It never ceases to amaze me how women stay with such disgusting poor excuses for men. Its time to walk away sweetheart.

Pretty much if you don't want sex fine but you can't blame the guy for leaving

I agree. Mumsnet seems to have taken a fine recently that women owe their husbands sex. No they don’t - it’s a privilege not a right.

Well, MS can vary a lot. Some people can’t walk. Others you wouldn’t know they had MS.

He’s not entitled to sex and it sounds like he’s turned you off him by not bothering to meet your emotional needs. YANBU

OP made sure to make the fact her husband has MS was just a throw away comment in the middle of a paragraph. I have a feeling this is a major reason he doesn't contribute as much.

If he wants sex to feel more of a man, then it's not about intimacy with you anyway, it's about trying to self regulate for him.

And he doesn't owe her a sexless marriage.

He does sound like a complete arsehole, and she should have left him ages ago. But she's trying to pretend that "no sex for you ever again or maybe at some point in the far off future if I feel like it" is something anybody would or should put up with.

Most men, and indeed many women simply would not tolerate this no matter how good or bad their relationship otherwise was.

She specifically asked if it was ok to deny him sex. No, of course not. It's ok to leave him though.

Just as "I'll stick my cock in a random behind your back then" is not a thing, neither is "nah, no sex just put up with it" a thing. Both would be intolerable to most.

They just need to split up, obviously.