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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want sex with my husband?

233 replies

Anonymous23458d · 07/04/2026 21:07

I need some honest opinions as I’m starting to question myself.

I’ve been with my husband 10 years, we have a 4-year-old and a 19-month-old (traumatic birth with the youngest, 3a tear & severe heammorage). I’m at home full-time with both kids and we’re also trying to get the house ready to sell and move.

My husband says I’ve “trapped him in a sexless marriage” and that I’m turning him into “less of a man” because I don’t want sex. He also says I’m manipulative and using sex against him.

For context, we’ve probably had sex about 5 times since our youngest was born 19 months ago.

From my side:

I’m exhausted most of the time

I don’t feel emotionally supported or connected to him

he’s quite dismissive when I raise concerns

he doesn’t help much unless I constantly ask or delegate

A recent example—after a full day of painting, looking after the kids and going to his mothers, I didn’t want sex that evening and it caused a big argument.

He says he’s been patient and I’m being unfair. I feel like being pressured, criticised, and unsupported makes me want it even less.

AIBU to not want sex in this situation?

OP posts:
CherryBlossom321 · 07/04/2026 21:27

He doesn’t sound very attractive, OP, I don’t blame you. He isn’t trapped at all, remind him he can leave any time he wants.

Tableforjoan · 07/04/2026 21:27

You don’t have to have sex.

He doesn’t have to stay in a sexless marriage. And 5 times in 19months is a sexless marriage.

Id advice the children go into nursery and you get a job because this relationship isn’t going to last he will cheat or you’ll give in and have sex you don’t want with building resentment towards him and likely it still won’t be enough for him and he will still cheat/leave.

Even if you think the marriage is save able I’d still go back to work.

Viviennemary · 07/04/2026 21:26

My opinion might be unpopular but if you don't want sex then accept he will go somewhere else and have an affair or leave altogether.

Amba1998 · 07/04/2026 21:24

You don’t have to have sex

But he doesn’t have to stay in a sexless marriage either

Neither of you are being unreasonable with your desires / wants / preferences

He is unreasonable to pressure you But I wouldn’t blame him if he pulled the plug either

Original poster
Anonymous23458d · 07/04/2026 21:23

We've been on the verge of ending our relationship many times in the last few years, he can be emotionally abusive and changeful. He's got ms so sleeps alot so the childcare falls to me
We wanted to homeschool originally so I gave up my work so I am financially dependent on him, so I know I won't be able to homeschool on my own like this. Im finding it hard doing everything as it is. I would've left a long time ago really but not sure how I would do it on my own. I think I am just not attracted to him really, ive tried to make it work but I just can't force that anymore.

OP posts:
wheresthespuds · 07/04/2026 21:21

Agree with @Dentalmum2

I think that you both need to make time for each other, discuss your feelings and really listen to each other. If you don’t, resentment will brew on both sides.

SP2024 · 07/04/2026 21:21

You’re not unreasonable. But equally it’s not massively sustainable. Do you want to split up? Do you think things will change? Do you want to stay together but not have sex? I would never advocate for someone to have sex when they don’t want to, but I also think it’s something you can easily fall out of the habit of doing when busy and then not want it. Whereas if you have it regularly your body sort of remembers it.

Dentalmum2 · 07/04/2026 21:15

You are not unreasonable not to want sex and he's not unreasonable to want it. When these threads come up in reverse (man not wanting it/ the usual advice is that a sexless marriage is miserable and the OP should leave and find someone willing to meet her needs. Five times in two years is hardly anything and I think anyone in that situation must be very frustrated. Have you told him how you would feel more supported?

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