AIBU to feel uneasy about male staff in nurseries?

To those saying it’s not an issue, would you hire a male babysitter?

"I don’t think it is realistic to actually blanket ban men from these jobs. But statistically males are more risky than females. That’s just a fact."

Threads like this face come up multiple times the last few months. Ultimately, in the UK, as you say it is not realistic as it would constitute clear sex based discrimination to " blanket ban" all men from nurseries.

DBS wasnt out when Ian Huntley got the job. We have DBS because of him. Or CRB as it was then.known..

I haven’t read the thread yet-but I am pretty sure there will be posters saying that the men who work in the childcare settings they use are without doubt the absolute best, they most popular, the kids like them best….. People always say that about any man who works in a traditional female role because ….well… men really are the best, aren’t they? 😂

Literally, some people can only imagine their husband and brothers choosing to be around women and children if there was some incentive for them, including sex. So.loterally they think that all men must have some sexual incentive for being in a low paid job where childcare is the main task. Their whole perception is based on the men they know and who raised them.

YABU. You are uneasy because you’ve read so many news reports about men abusing children in nurseries, and statistically, men present a far far greater risk to preschool kids than women do. Thos who say they both present the same risk are living in fantasy.

There have been several long threads recently sharing statistics. Re the DBS - Ian Huntley had a clean DBS. That’s why they changed it to include cautions etc. A DBS provides some helpful info - ie no convictions, but since a lot of sexual abuse is never reported, it wouldn’t reassure me.

OP, I’ve fortunately not been in this situation, but a friend of mine spoke to the nursery and asked that the man not be allowed to change her child’s nappy. They understood and agreed.

Whilst I share your views on the benefits of balance in the setting I'd just point out that a dbs check offers very little protection. It just checks if someone has prior convictions, nothing more. If the person has had an unreported sexual interest in children or has not been caught for prior online or contact offending, a dbs check would not prevent them from working anywhere. There is also the scenario that the first offence may take place in that setting as that may be the first opportunity to offend.

I think if you come from a world where men don't do anything for their own kids, have never helped with siblings, barely know the names and ages of their nieces and nephews, then it will be hard to imagine a man who has a genuine and healthy interest in children.

If your own husband has to be forced to spend time with his children and won't get up in the night with them, then how will you understand another man who wants to be around kids that aren't even his?

Remember we are on a site where many men let their wives completely slave away in the home and for the kids and have no input at all into their wellbeing.

I agree that can happen, too.

Agree - male nursery worker is very different to a male primary and secondary school teacher!

I know a lot of childcare workers. The thing that happens most often is that they have female colleagues (because most are female) who are vile to the children. For a few reasons, they rarely speak up to get them fired for it and it goes on for some time. Some of them are just awful to children. Really cruel. And then there are the kids that none of the workers like at all.

It's much more likely that some woman is being mean to your kid at nursery than any other form of abuse. I did it with my older one but my younger kids didn't go to nursery at all.

But the vast majority of sex offenders are men. The percentage of women who are sex offenders tiny, compared. And that is a fact, unfortunately. So men pose more of a threat - that’s just how it is.

YANBU OP. Children in nurseries are particularly vulnerable not least because many of them can’t yet speak . We all know that pedophiles put themselves into work settings where they can access children.

The nurseries my children attended had no male staff at all.

I would want to remove that risk factor. And before someone says I’m assuming all men are sex offenders, no I’m not. But I have a right to keep my children safe by any means available to me.

men want to work with kids the same reason women do, because they love being around kids, and it doesn’t mean it’s anything weird

Why would no man you know work in childcare?

in reality males are no more risky than females.

I don’t think it is realistic to actually blanket ban men from these jobs. But statistically males are more risky than females. That’s just a fact.

That’s not to say there aren’t any women who offend like this at all. But the significant majority are male.

I've never got over it and surely never will.

My children go to childminders in female only homes. Appreciate not everyone can do this / wants to do this / has that as an option.

I find it a bizarre and questionable career choice for a man.
Ditto male midwives - why? Of all the things out there why choose this...

That’s not quite true. Primary and secondary teachers are not changing nappies and providing intimate one on one care; plus children of older ages are able to at least articulate if someone has done something inappropriate. So it’s a very different scenario than a male nursery worker. I agree with you OP, rightly or wrongly it is a strange career choice for a male.

It really depends on the setting. A setting that has clear , robust safeguarding policies (device use, staff ratios , not being on your own with a child etc) that they actually follow and effective rules, guidance and training? The odds of anything happening are close to 0. A setting with haphazard rules that are just a tickbox exercise? Anything could happen, from sexual abuse , to all kinds of abuse and neglect like little ones being shaken, hit, pinched or suffocated by female staff.

YABU, paranoid and weird. HTH

Strange attitude

My good friend is male and works in a nursery - his other job is being a children’s party entertainer and an amateur comedian - the comedian job and party entertainer job isn’t really enough as a full time job - so a nursery makes total sense as an extra job 🤷‍♀️ he obviously enjoys working with kids if he does kids entertainment !! So I don’t understand why it’s weird that he might also enjoy a job working with children in another job in a nursery! (He’s Also a dad of a little girl)

I sent my kids to a wonderful nursery staffed by a married couple and their two adult kids, one male and one female. My kids adored those 2 men and I never had any concerns about them.

Should this apply to all primary school teachers too!

On one hand, you get posts after posts complaining that father's are not involved enough with their toddlers, but when you get j'en who actualky enjoy toddlers, they are made to gave ulterior motives. Madness.

Why can't men happen to just really enjoy the company of toddlers? My daughters boyfriend was brilliant with kids of all ages and was a fantastic older brother to his younger siblings. That's just who he was. During college and uni, he was a gymnastic teacher and yes, choc horror, loved working with the youngest kids. They absolutely loved him and so did the parents.

Best staff in my childrens' nuseries were men

What makes you say that?

If you're uneasy, you need to find a new centre. It's important that children learn that men care for children too. If we exclude men from caring at different levels, then can we complain when they don't feel safe enough to step up and be involved with children?

As a woman, I've even become more wary of offering help and care to people's children. I just don't, where I often did before. The village doesn't feel protected, so do it on your own.