AIBU to feel uneasy about male staff in nurseries?

Yep. The good men don’t take offence.

My son does a lot of work with young children. I trust him absolutely. He is incredibly careful to ensure proper safeguarding procedures-and to make sure those procedures are completely transparent. Because he knows he is a statistical risk, and parents worry. And he is not a dick.

Is it bad this is something that didn’t even cross my mind when my son was in nursery? His keyworker was male, very obviously gay but my son loved him and at the time I thought ahh how nice, a male role model for the kids.

Never once did I think anything untoward of the sort and previous partners are right, where does it end? No schools with male teachers or teaching assistants? No hospital with male nurses or auxillary nurses? I just think you’d make yourself ill with worry if you worry that every male your child comes across, might abuse them when child abuse isn’t limited to male perpetrators. If anything I think abuse from females might happen just as much, if we all think males are more likely to abuse children, then women have the guise of thinking it’s less likely they’d be suspected of abuse

YABU. Women abuse children too, sadly, not just sexually but in other ways. There have been a spate of news stories recently of female nursery workers who have literally killed a child in their care.

I would have zero issues with a male nursery worker, yes there's the risk of abuse like there is with any nursery worker. I'd love for my kid to have male role models in caring for them tbh so they don't grow up feeling that caring for children is women's work. There are also more children living without a present father than there are kids living without a present mother so I think having that male relationship/role model is beautiful.

In the experience of myself and far, far too many of my childhood friends: no.

I feel exactly the same way. And so would my son, frankly.

Tbf, almost every subject comes up again and again on here. Do you say this on all threads?

This again? Must be Tuesday.

You aren't being unreasonable.

And given the excessively high degree of risk that male nursery workers introduce, and the extremely serious and life-long consequences for children should they be sexually abused, I don't think they should be allowed to work in nurseries.

I think it's very hypocritical that adult women (rightly) don't have to deal with males when they get mammograms and can ask for female doctors/nurses for intimate care, but males are allowed to work intimately with non verbal children despite the massive increase in risk of sexual abuse that they pose, and people are considered unreasonable for thinking that's unacceptable.

To put it plainly, in a way a lot of people won't appreciate, but is factual: Male nursery workers should only be employed if people, for some reason, want their child to be at a much higher statistical risk of being raped. And why would you want your child to be more likely to be raped?

It’s always the same on these threads with certain posters insisting all the men are the best. 🙄

I have a son. I would trust him around children. However, other people don’t know him and due to the crime statistics of his sex, I wouldn’t expect others to trust their children with him. I wouldn’t be furious, I’d think they’re sensible and doing their best to keep their children safe.

I'm furious with men for carrying out so much sexual abuse against children. I think you're angry at the wrong people.

Absolutely, all the men I have worked with in early years have been nice but a bit lazy compared to female staff and take on less of the day to day running stuff - but parents all rave about them because they bring their guitar sometimes or run around in the garden 😂

I thought a male worker in my children's nursery was a bit odd, couldn't quite put my finger on it but he was well liked by mist. He was married and had a child.
A few years later he was convicted of sexual abuse of vulnerable young boys.

So yes, if something feels off, trust your gut.

A stepfather shouldn't be alone with kids?

The biological vested interest that the father has in the child changes the narrative completely
And whilst it’s still not sadly unheard of for the biological father to abuse the child it is relatively rare compared to the stepfather for example who should not be left alone with the kids

So people would move their kids if a nursery worker was a man - but presumably it's fine to leave your child alone with your partner/husband

Of all of you who say it's not right, how many of you have sons? Of those who do, how many would honestly not be furious if those sons were told that they couldn't pursue a career working with young children because they're probably paedos for even wanting to?

I swear, MN is absolutely batshit sometimes.

I suspect all these “wonderful””the best!” male child care workers are benefitting from the “Oh he’s such a good dad!” privilege. All they have to do is 10 minutes of basic parenting. Like changing a nappy, or pushing a swing.

Yes.

Those ‘jumping’ on DBS citing - it was as an etc not the be all and end all. Similar could be said about a MOT as they only provide a snapshot of the cars state at that particular time and date. No checking system is 100% guaranteed.

Male babysitter - probably not as a nursery setting is lower risk than having a babysitter 1:1 in our own home. Some staff at our nursery offer babysitting services and if we were in the position and didn’t have a family member who could help we would go with someone known to us / our DD than someone unknown. PS Colin (obv name changed for privacy) in our nursery doesn’t offer babysitting services!

Yes. Same as I wouldn't choose a childminder with a dog, and if they got a dog I would move.

I read an article this morning about a nine month old baby who died because she was restrained face down by a female worker and another worker in the same nursery got three years for assaulting kids

For me that would be a really difficult scenario - I’d be going in for a conversation and speaking to the nursery about what are their procedures for intimate care - I’d not want that done by a man and would expect them to be able to cater for that. If they wouldn’t I would consider moving them.

Those of you who say you wouldn’t put your child in a nursery with a man on the staff - would you actually move your child if they were settled and happy there, and a new staff member was male?