AIBU to feel uneasy about male staff in nurseries?

I'm not doing anything except presenting the statistics, and the logical conclusions that can be drawn from people deliberately ignoring and dismissing them.

If you really care about statistics and keeping your children as safe as you possibly can, you obviously wouldn't use a nursery or childminder at all, though. Sexual abuse of children is abhorrent, as are all kinds of abuse of children.

You'd probably homeschool too. In fact, even taking them out to the park is exposing them to more risk statistically than only ever letting them go into your own garden.

And if you're a statistics person, which do you think there are (magnitudes) more of: men who want to sexually abuse children; or men who would enjoy looking at adult women's breasts for more than strictly medical procedure purposes?

Either way, nobody is remotely stopping you from making whatever arrangements you are happiest with for your own children.

Yanbu.
Thankfully this was never an issue for me.
It is in my opinion just strange for men to do this for a living.
And no it's not comparable to a man looking after his own child as it has to be done as part and parcel of being a parent but to choose it as a living?
It's poorly paid. I mean I can imagine that there's no financial incentive there.
If for some reason they raised the salary to 6 figures tomorrow I'd understand it.

I don't give a fig if this sends sort of wrong message about putting back women and feminism.
I'd rather a tiny baby be looked after by a bored teenage girl than a man who appears enthusiastic about it.
A baby has no voice. The vast, vast majority of abusers are men.

It just makes sense to ban them.
Yes there will be some male nursery workers who are decent and that's a shame but it's no brainer for me.
The only people who should be allowed to work in nurseries are female.

You said the safeguarding policies in a well run nursery mean a male worker is more verified than a family member.
I was clarifying whether you were talking about specific policies, but it seems you mean any man with no criminal convictions who is employed by a nursery is verified to a greater extent than a child's father?

Yes there is heightened risk. But it isn't raised to a number i am uncomfortable with. It sound rise from 0.00000000003% to 0.000000003% and that would mean an increase of 200% if I've got my zeros right. But still a tiny risk overall.

there is higher chance that he will be positively influenced by the presence of the male. Id take that.

are you sending or did you send your children to primary or infant schools with no male staff? How did you find that?

What a disgusting linkage you are trying to put on parents!

I am most definitely not in favour of sexual abuse.

This is a really good point
a DBS certificate is only as good as when it’s done, anything can have happened before and not be reported or could happen since.

Great. So you're happy to risk a heightened chance your child could be sexually abused or raped. Still a small chance, but much bigger than it would have otherwise been.

Because that is in fact how statistics work. And you don't know whether or not the male nursery worker is a sex offender who hasn't been caught, so all you can operate on is statistics.

Personally, I'd rather send my child to an all-female nursery, if I had to send them to nursery, and dramatically decrease the risk they'd be sexually abused. There are plenty of other ways to give your child a positive male role model (that he won't even remember as an adult).

I was just answering your question regarding policies. I didn’t ask any questions.

Exactly. It certainly is. Men are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. It does get quite tedious.

One difference is school children are more capable of reporting abuse and understanding that they don’t keep secrets for people. Even then they are still often coerced into keeping quiet. At nursery age they have practically no chance

If you think the only reason a man would want to work in a nursery is because he's a pedophile, I would suggest the problem is you.

Is that what you think 🤔

YABU. Childcare funding in the UK is growing massively and there is a big drive to keep up with that demand. We are crying out for childminders and nursery staff. If men want to work in that sector then I think they should be more than welcome.

I would imagine working with children is enjoyable - why can't a man derive joy from that?

Every setting will follow the statutory guidance.

I was just wondering what policies you were thinking of that could mean a "male nursery worker has been verified to a much greater extent than family members have"?
No previous convictions and a reference?

Statistics don't work that way. Only my oldest went to nursery and it was chosen for how I thought it suited him. It did have a male worker as many in London do these days, as well as an influx of male students of all courses doing work experience.

I'd take the higher chance that a male worker will be a positive influence to my son in what is otherwise a very female environment over the tiny chance that this man with a background check is a covert paedophile.

It's about looking at risk rationally and considering the advantages as well as the frightening parts.

Don't female nursery workers ever do any fun stuff to entertain or mentally stimulate the children, then?

Yes, in fact there's even less reason for mammographers to be female only, as unlike with male nursery workers doing intimate care of non verbal children, mammographers are less like to sexually abuse women.

ETA: Additionally, you say any adult can care for a baby. Well, any adult can perform mammograms.

And if you're willing to ban men from employment based on women's dignity, but not willing to ban them based on the fact that they are massively more likely to sexually abuse and rape children, I think your priorities are a little fucked up.

Is an adult woman's dignity more important to you than a statistically massively heightened risk of a baby or toddler being sexually abused? Gracious.

Government documents. Statutory guidance.
Safeguarding policies in schools and colleges must align to KCSiE this.

‘school’ means: all schools whether maintained, non-maintained or independent
schools (including academies, free schools and alternative provision academies),
maintained nursery schools1 and pupil referral units

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68add931969253904d155860/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_from_1_September_2025.pdf

And the Early Years Foundation Stage Framework (statutory guidance) for childminders and another for private, voluntary and independent providers.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/early-years-foundation-stage-framework--2
(Section 3)
These are updated annually with all staff (schools, colleges and early years trained annually. LA checks include safeguarding. Safeguarding is a major factor in OFSTED inspections.

No its because pregnancy and reproduction requires specific expertise. Learning the other stuff would be a waste of time when it's all going to change once you start thinking about menstrual cycles, pregnancy, menopause etc. So they learn the medicine and surgery specific to that.

It's always a guitar 😂

Sorry, can't clean up after lunch I'm doing a singalong...

Precisely!
My son works with very young SEN children. He has an absolute love for his job and the children in his care.
He does not do it because he's a paedophile🙄
Thankfully all of his colleagues and the parents appreciate him for what he is- a dedicated, experienced professional who just happens to be male!!!

That's not analogous at all, though. Mammography is an intimate treatment that only concerns female patients. After they have been born, babies can be cared for by any responsible adult.

If babies and toddlers had concerns about their dignity being compromised by somebody changing their nappies or wiping their bottoms, they would feel that same concern with any adult doing it. Do you think it's absurd for female nursery workers to provide intimate care to baby boys?

There was a brilliant young chap at the Gdcs’ nursery - they loved him, he had a guitar and did a lot of singalong sessions with them.

Though having said that, I don’t think I’d want a male nursery worker changing nappies or doing any other intimate care, and AFAIK at Gdcs’ nursery this was all done by female staff - he was the sole male.