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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt that my DH is treated differently to BIL?

59 replies

Justnetballandsurfing · 06/04/2026 11:58

This is quite petty and I realise but it feels like it's more indicative of how my parents treat me and my sister differently. My parents got me an Easter egg and I got some chocolates for them but they didn't get one for my DH. Fine. My mother specified it was for me by name.

Yesterday my mother called and asked if my DH can come over and mow the lawn and do some gardening for her today as she and my dad have difficulty. He said of course. During the conversation she showed us the Easter eggs she'd got for my sister and her husband who are going over later. I couldn't help find it a bit odd she'd tell me she'd bought an Easter egg for my BIL when she knows she didn't for my DH. I didn't say anything and I wouldn't but it bothered me especially as it's my DH she called to do her lawn. She also never gets him a birthday card but I think she does for BIL and DH doesn't mind but it feels a bit dismissive of us. We've been married 8 years and my sister just got married last summer so not sure if it's just because he's newer to the family, not that she ever done so for my DH.

I suppose I feel a bit sidelined as I always get my mum a nice card and gift for birthdays, Mother's Day and Christmas and my sister just gets her a card. She's a bit younger but we're all adults and married so she's not a child.

Tell me if I'm being super petty to feel annoyed by this.

OP posts:
TittyGajillions · 06/04/2026 12:35

Justnetballandsurfing · 06/04/2026 12:08

It is odd to me and she does is so openly. She's done another thing regarding my DH that I don't want to say as it's outing but you know when you start to be reminded that some people are not very nice people just because they're you're parents? My mum was horrible to me when I was growing up and I look past it as she's my mother but I'm stating to feel a bit bothered.

We always help if we can because we're nice people and family is important.

You need to feel more than a bit bothered, you should be fucking furious. Stop giving her a pass and show her the same level of effort as she does you.

Original poster
Justnetballandsurfing · 06/04/2026 12:35

sesquipedalian · 06/04/2026 12:15

“I didn't say anything and I wouldn't”

Why not? If my DM had given my DSis’s husband an Easter egg, but not my DH, and then had the gall to expect him to mow their grass, they would not be in any doubt about what I thought. You’re not unreasonable to feel hurt, but you are unreasonable not to say something. I’d really like to know how your DM justifies such an imbalance, and I’d be asking her - “Hey, Ma! What’s DH done to upset you that you don’t buy him an Easter egg but you do get one for BIL?” If she mutters and changes the subject, then tell her straight up “Actually, it’s very hurtful to me that you are happy enough to ask him to do jobs for you but you can’t even get him an Easter egg when you get one for BIL. And I shall be expecting you to send him at least a card for his birthday.”

She's the kind of person who would just laugh it off or give a reason (probably unreasonable) so I don't see the point. That or I'd be made out to be stirring trouble or being petty. I think that's why I don't say anything. It's not worth it. I do feel like doing less though and if we didn't feel like going over we wouldn't.

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 06/04/2026 12:15

“I didn't say anything and I wouldn't”

Why not? If my DM had given my DSis’s husband an Easter egg, but not my DH, and then had the gall to expect him to mow their grass, they would not be in any doubt about what I thought. You’re not unreasonable to feel hurt, but you are unreasonable not to say something. I’d really like to know how your DM justifies such an imbalance, and I’d be asking her - “Hey, Ma! What’s DH done to upset you that you don’t buy him an Easter egg but you do get one for BIL?” If she mutters and changes the subject, then tell her straight up “Actually, it’s very hurtful to me that you are happy enough to ask him to do jobs for you but you can’t even get him an Easter egg when you get one for BIL. And I shall be expecting you to send him at least a card for his birthday.”

Original poster
Justnetballandsurfing · 06/04/2026 12:09

TheBlueKoala · 06/04/2026 12:04

Why didn't you take your mother aside and tell her how rude her behaviour is? If I were your DH I would tell her to ask Bil next time she asks for help. Or if he's too much of a mug tell her yourself.

It was on the phone yesterday but I can ask when I see her. It feels petty to ask. I felt like asking why they never buy him a birthday card when she didn't bother getting him a card but gets BIL gifts. It's honestly ridiculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justnetballandsurfing · 06/04/2026 12:08

It is odd to me and she does is so openly. She's done another thing regarding my DH that I don't want to say as it's outing but you know when you start to be reminded that some people are not very nice people just because they're you're parents? My mum was horrible to me when I was growing up and I look past it as she's my mother but I'm stating to feel a bit bothered.

We always help if we can because we're nice people and family is important.

OP posts:
TheBlueKoala · 06/04/2026 12:04

Why didn't you take your mother aside and tell her how rude her behaviour is? If I were your DH I would tell her to ask Bil next time she asks for help. Or if he's too much of a mug tell her yourself.

rubyslippers · 06/04/2026 12:03

It’s not odd
it’s really cold and rude

TittyGajillions · 06/04/2026 12:02

Ask her why she does it. Also encourage your husband to not be available to do her favours, I'm pretty sure he's washing his hair and can't mow her lawn!

thepariscrimefiles · 06/04/2026 12:01

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your DH sounds lovely and your parents don't deserve such a kind son-in-law. You need to ask them why they buy cards and gifts for your sister's husband but not yours, when he does so much for them.

It would really piss me off and I'd tell your parents to ask your BIL for favours rather than your DH.

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