AIBU to ask if anyone else does not feel overwhelmed?

Short commute and high income - I’d definitely feel like you.

And then they decide to get a dog 😅

Yes, this is very true. Aspirational parents whose kids do extra curricular activities 5 days a week after school. And often aren’t in bed until 10pm!

That’s clearly not the case on here though

@Shimmy1983 im always saying to people to make things as easy as possible!! My friend was picking out a new kitchen she was looking at a shaker style with grooves in the centre part..until I pointed out all the extra cleaning they required. She went for smooth doors In the end! 🤣

I never found young children, extensive mess, or multiple houseguests overwhelming. I don't find it overwhelming to cook for random people on short notice, travel with kids, bring children to various places which Mumsnet would think inappropriate, etc.

Here are the things I find overwhelming:
a grown up unhappy child whom I can't help, an angry family member, a disconnected husband. I lose myself, and feel like my mind is taken over by other people's emotions- that is what is hard for me to manage gracefully.

Good for you

Same as some other posters, developed resilience due to hard childhood so nothing really phases me as an adult! Arranged my life to be easier also!

I think in those circumstances we'd all be fairly stress-free. There's your answer.

As a single parent to two kids who do 5 different sports between them on 6 different days i don't ever feel overwhelmed. Yep we need to be places but managing time is... well... easy. I don't have any help with childcare as my parents are dead... no real support network as such but i have various friends that i see and whatnot but none of them help with the kids.

I've got an old house, mortgage, car, no cleaner etc. house isn't spotless but its clean enough that i would be happy for anyone to come in at any time.

Nope - fully overwhelmed with a messy un-renovated house, and no time to do anything.

I don’t feel overwhelmed. However, I have a job I like, a husband who is an enthusiastic equal parent and relatively ‘easy’ kids. We have a housekeeper and a nanny, and are pretty relaxed people in general.

We’re happy, healthy, loved up and very financially comfortable. I don’t really have very much to be stressed about and long may that continue.

Then something will happen that you didnt forsee and it'll upset the apple cart and suddenly - overwhelm

I’m like this. I rarely feel overwhelmed. I also don’t really get anxiety. I’m very good at compartmentalising things in my brain, and if something threatens to worry me of stress me out (unless it’s a genuine threat) I can just push it out of my mind. I tend to err on the positive too which is suspect is part of it.
i do have very stressful things happening in my life (my son has cancer) so it’s not that I have a charmed life. Just the strange way my brain works (my mum was exactly the same)

Generally stress is a reaction to pressure. It sounds like you've got a good way of managing life's pressures that works for you and your family, which is great. Presumably you're able to adapt as a team to anything that might affect your coping capacity.

Many others on paper may seem to have no reason to feel overwhelmed, but something, or maybe many small things are making it feel like they're not coping as they would like to.

Be grateful you've found what works for your family. Don't take it for granted, and never judge others who are struggling. It doesn't take much to tip the balance.

Sometimes people bring “overwhelmed” on themselves. You read these threads of people having weekend packed full of things “park” “craft” “hobby” etc … it’s like kids have to be fully entertained at all times, people need to chill out.

All the keeping up with others as well .. place needs to be spotless, everything in its place, constant DIY, cooking from scratch

Sometimes it’s ok to be lazy

But isn't this the same as feeling like on MN it's all shitty abusive men? People don't post or talk about their lives when the're just ticking along. It's people who are sturggling who are coming on forums like this etc.

I'm not feeling particularly overwhelmed at the moment. But I have had periods of it. And it's often linked to a lot of different things all going on at the same time. Eg a couple of years ago - we were struggling to get on top of DS' ND. He was in a mess - school was hard, meds weren't working, he was struggling with friendships.

At the same time, I was freelance (and the main breadwinner) and work was not going well and so money was a constant battle, and inconsistent with it so it was the never-ending worry.

DD was still young enough she needed a lot of supervision. DH was in the process of starting new job after retraining.

SIL was trying to extricate herself from am abusive relationship and we were taking on a lot of both the emotional and practical support for her and her family.

Life was hectic and stressful and it was really really overwhelming - so less about the actua list of things we had to do and more about the competing worries and fears and stresses.

Now finances have stabilised. work is quite stressful, but we have a routine and things are goign okay. DS's ADHD is well controlled with meds. DD is a bit older and getting a lot more independent. DH's job is stable and he's into the groove.

My job is not as stable as we like so that's still a bit of a stress. But every month we feel we inch more and more towards proper stability. Meanwhile, a lot of the other worries have dissipated or reduced so i am ONLY really worrying about that, and it's not as huge as it was. As a result, i can cope with daily life a lot better.

I’m sure OP is thankful, I know I am.

I also have no parental help or a cleaner.

Just be thankful and say grace?

Maybe you are super laid back? Or don’t have many problems?

I totally empathise with this.

Life has always been overwhelming and a challenge to me. My late diagnosis of autism and adhd has helped explain this to a large extent..

I've always been very conscious that a lot of people seem to sail through life and nothing phases them. I know some of it is down to personality but i'm sure support networks and family background play a large part.

Agreed. There is a lot of stuff but it’s all fine. And before anyone asks yes I have a mortgage, three children, no cleaner, work full time, my mum died years ago and my dad is very ill, both my ex husband and my current husband have mental health issues. I don’t earn a lot and neither does my husband. But life is good. Our house could be tidier and sometimes the mess is a bit overwhelming when there is a lot to do. But we are happy as anything and enjoy our slow pace of life. Take pleasure in small things. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s very hard but I’m not overwhelmed as such. And when I am it is due to other people’s mental state, not my own.

I don’t feel overwhelmed (at this stage of my life). But I have healthy, behaved, happy, well achieving children (out of the trenches!), we are financially comfortable, healthy parents who support us with the kids, happy and supportive marriage, we have a cleaner and a nice home. I have a career I enjoy, pays well and is extremely flexible which in turn enables me to manage family life and my health, hobbies and fitness. I’m also not yet perimenopausal. I recognise I am at a comfortable stage of life but it can turn on a dime. I recognise I’ve had a lot of luck in my life which enables me to not be overwhelmed. Sadly not everyone does.