AIBU to ask if anyone else does not feel overwhelmed?

Lucky you, enjoy it :)

I think this comes down to (a) circumstances or (b) wiring.

I’m (b) - I’m mostly overwhelmed by the daily grind. I’ve only got one kid and a great partner but unfortunately it turns out being a mum (on top of busy job) has stretched me past my natural coping capacity a bit. Perimenopause sure isn’t helping though. And I think I might be ADHD or at least have strong tendencies in that direction.

I feel totally overwhelmed and don't even have children.
Things that impact me:
Physical health issues that make everyday extremely difficult.
Struggling with even part time work due to the above.
Perimenopause severely impacting my mental health.
Being neurodivergent.
Being single and having no support day to day.
Not earning enough money due to health issues.
Aging and unwell parents.

It's great you don't feel overwhelmed but a lot of it is down to life circumstances as well as makeup. If you found yourself unwell, unable to work and struggling to pay the bills, had a disabled child or your relationship broke down things might feel very different very quickly.

I think it’s fairly clear from OP’s post that she means the daily grind.
Honestly, I feel the same way. I completely get that lots of people feel overwhelmed and everyone’s situation is different, but on a general life level I just don’t tend to feel that constant daily stress people talk about. Aside from major life stressors or genuinely difficult periods, day to day life doesn’t overwhelm me.
We both work full time, have two kids, activities, the usual juggle and most of the time it just feels manageable rather than chaotic. The house is always tidy, we still get lots of downtime, and things tick along. I do all my own cleaning and laundry is ironed.
Maybe some of it is temperament, maybe some of it is having fairly easy-going kids, maybe some of it is just not stressing about the small stuff. But I definitely don’t wake up every day feeling stressed that I need to do x, y and z.
None of this means I’m NOT thankful, nor do I assume things will stay this way forever.

Do you feel better now? Maybe it wouldn’t have bothered @Highhigh maybe @Highhigh is actively trying for a third right now?! You really have no idea.

Life is pretty easy at the moment, kids are year 6 and 9, no health issues, live fairly moderately but no money worries.

However, a few years ago, I was caring for my mum who had Alzheimer’s, going through a promotional process at work and moving house and the kids were younger and needier. My stress levels were sky high and I was very overwhelmed.

I am loving this settled calm time but life is peaks and troughs, I expect I will have some tough times again whatever they may look like.

Also, well done you for your second child not being very unexpected twins! Imagine for a moment if it had been.

A large part of the overwhelm I feel is down to the seismic impact of having three DC - on finances, leisure, wellbeing, patience, mental bandwidth, sleep etc etc - when DH and I were only ever planning to have two 😏

This is lols

I don’t feel overwhelmed most of the time but occasionally I do. It’s usually if I’ve not had enough sleep. We have very complicated lives though, if we had one house which wasn’t being renovated we’d be laughing because we are very fortunate; we are well off, my OH doesn’t work, we have family around. I would say my general propensity to be stressed / overwhelmed is very low, which has not really worked in our favour to be honest because we’ve just taken on far more stuff than is sensible. If I was a more naturally stressed person I’d have either said ‘no’ to loads of stuff or had a breakdown.

OP, I can’t quite put my finger on something about the tone of your post. You seem slightly exasperated at having all these overwhelmed people around you, like they’re people trapped in a bad boyfriend cycle who keep making poor decisions.
I’m sure that you’re not intending it to read like this, but you’re coming across as a little complacent, as though your lack of overwhelm is entirely due to a combination of superior perspective, top-drawer emotional intelligence and astute life choices.
And, y’know, good for you for cultivating all those things 🤷🏼‍♀️

As others have said, a lot of overwhelm is due to events (often sudden, bad events) that are not within people’s locus of control, and people are going to reach out to sites like MN for support and advice in a way that they aren’t when things are going ok.

It’s the same with fertility issues. As my husband reminded me when I was v worried we wouldn’t be able to have children, the online landscape of TTC is skewed by the fact that all the women over 35 who are getting pregnant easily with no issues, are not generally posting about it on the internet. They’re just getting on with painting the nursery and shopping for cots.

The people who aren’t overwhelmed are - I would guess - just tootling along and not talking about it much on MN. I’m sure you can understand this as being the reason why the overall balance of MN threads is the way that it is.

I suppose it’s just hard to see the motivation or purpose for your post. Anyway OP, I’m glad you aren’t overwhelmed. Long may it continue! Wishing you all the best.

Three things will impact your attitude to your life -

1. how objectively difficult / stressful your life is.
2. your personal ability to manage life (how well organised you are etc.)
3. your propensity to feel stressed / relaxed.

So someone could have a pretty nice set up and also be really organised so feels super on top of it and relaxed. Alternatively someone could be living in a circus and not give two shits regardless so they would be relaxed too.

My point is that there are some basic facts about your life which indicate how stressful / not stressful it is. lots of stuff is subjective and would be stressful for some but not to others.

I'm like the OP, but not lazy; I'm sure OP is not lazy either. I still manage to get everything done, have standards and tackle everyday life.

I think it's more about your approach and outlook to things, how you tackle problems, worries and how you handle expectations and boundaries.

I'm just as busy as the next person, but my attitude toward things just seems very different to those who feel overwhelmed by the same stuff. I see this at work too.

I could have written this. It's made me mentally tough but very cynical and I've been called sang froid by many peeps.
Can't understand being overwhelmed on here sometimes, it's like certain phrases [only see on here] it is often over used.
We have progressed with tech etc but have we actually made progress ?
I think stress has been increased due to social media, fast news and the need to have everything, plus the 15 minutes of fame. Among other thing reality t.v has a lot to answer for.

And whatever any poster says. Life is a combination of decisions and element of luck! We don’t all start from the same place and Poole make good choices that go bad and vice versa . Let’s not be so naive .

Whether I have been or not has depended on the stage of my life ( eg when my eldest didn’t have a diagnosis and we didn’t know how to help her , when my husband lost his job,when my husband was doing a job he hated with horrible hours until he found a better one , when we struggled to put food on the table , when my dad got very sick, when I got diagnosed with a chronic condition before I knew how to manage it and still st times when I’m in immense pain).
generally though when all is good we are good. It’s all about different circumstances for different people. I can say that I’ve been less overwhelmed than being overwhelmed, im
generally grateful for my life , but sometimes when life throws something at us I lose momentum until I regroup and find a way to deal with it.

I feel similarly to the OP.

You sre right that the answers to some of these questions might be why I/we don't feel as overwhelmed but also for me, those have been purposeful decisions. So yes, it might be why I fele less overwhelmed, and that's why I designed things this way. It wasn't just luck.

I think having plenty of money makes a huge difference to how manageable things feel- not just in terms of practicalities but just that base underlying knowledge that that side of things was ok. I think money worries are really destabilising.

I also think "working FT" covers a lot of different situations, some more stressful than others. I found being a corporate lawyer with small children very stressful- almost never home before about 9pm (sometimes much later), trying to coordinate with DH about relieving the nanny etc etc. When I switched to a role which was more 9-5 everything felt incredibly easy, but of course it's all relative. For me this worked perfectly- I didn't feel overwhelmed at all despite working FT because I knew that I'd be home by 6.30pm and able to switch off from one mode and switch on another- busy, yes, but not overwhelmed. What was much harder and did feel overwhelming was having competing incompatible demands (a nanny who had to leave by 8pm, a client who wanted me there until midnight- this was in the days before WFH).

That's just two variables- there are many others- so I'm not sure that simply comparing the headline situation is that meaningful.

Yes but OP hasn’t and they’re not stressing thinking of hypothetical situations right now either, we could all sit and stress about that. But then again OP never stated any other financials, maybe savings would cover everything for 3-6months while looking for a job.

'Tear down' is a bit melodramatic. It was a reply.

The point is - the OP is happy. If she lost her job that might change very quickly.

my pay is better than previously but still very low
my commute is long
only one dc is at home but all my dc are adults
so yes, a period of not feeling overwhelmed for me
cherish the times op

@Perfect28but a high salary can also mean that the job has lots of responsibility or pressure. Can be stressful or have long hours. It’s refreshing to read a thread where someone isn’t overwhelmed.

This is simply not true for everyone.
Some people have sadnesses or stresses that never resolve.

you are in a lucky position op

I never said she could be struggling just that she could have high outgoings.
God, I just love how people jump to tear people down on here when they make a positive acknowledgment!!

nobody can feel overwhelmed all the time
life is sometimes on an even keel

yes of course I get that. We earn about 20k more and I feel the same. However,I know lots of people who earn similar who stress about money, feel overwhelmed. So earnings alone can’t always be the reason. It’s how you manage them. I get your point, of course it eliminates stressors, but it’s not the only reason.