AIBU to ask if anyone else does not feel overwhelmed?

Im guessing its because you have a husband who does his fair share. I would think for a single parent or a parent who does everything themselves, life would be overwhelming, just because of the sheer burden of carrying everything by yourself.

It is interesting how differently overwhelm can affect each of us. Support, workload, and what is happening behind closed doors can make such a difference; what feels manageable to one person may be exhausting for someone else.

in what areas do you need help?

I know DD2 has now had the WCA but in case you were wondering, your DD2 will be doing a non-advanced course, so from the September after her 19th birthday, you wouldn’t necessarily need to go down the credits only ESA route or wait to change course like you would need to if under 19 &/or on an advanced course.

From the September following the YP’s 19th birthday, an application for UC can be done directly, which should only be refused if the course is not compatible with any work related requirements on her individual claim. This can be done by either getting the course included in the work related requirements or because there are no requirements. Here is Contact’s booklet which explains more about the differences.

I was hoping I’d pick up some valuable tips or advice from this thread.

@Highhigh i have just remembered this thread as there’s another one going on the general life overwhelm. So for anyone who doesn’t feel overwhelmed…

I find who struggle with school admin difficult to understand but then I view it as a high priority (booking appointments, playdates, trips, payments). I think that is where it can differ, where you rank things for importance And the amount of effort you put into them. It's a balance where one thing rises, another will sink.

Would also add I grew up in poverty, but with a loving family, and grew up in a country with war /conflict so my expectation of what we need or want now to be happy/fulfilled/live well is very pragmatic and my expectations aren’t particularly high!
For example - friend from kids school went to private school and had ski-ing hols and overseas hols every year but is now on a more modest ( still VERY Middle class) income and can’t afford private school and it’s ski- ing OR abroad holiday now and seems to find it all a bit unfair.

This is the most accurate post.

Full time with a short commute and home in time to get kids from an after school club they enjoy? Sounds perfectly lovely.

Try a long commute, a DH that travels abroad and doesn’t help. No after school club etc etc.

Also people just have different stress tolerances - doesn’t make you any better OP.

Neuro diversity can play a huge part in feeling overwhelmed. If someone has spent all day masking at work then they will be more exhausted than a nieto typical.

Have a bit of compassion and stop judging others - you have no idea what else is going on in their lives. Your post is just like a big boast.

Same OP - never felt overwhelmed by parenting, but we have 2 FT jobs, so enough money, I’m from a big family so was very used to kids being around, and both our kids are/ have mostly been ‘easy’.
As in slept well as babies, no health concerns, no SEN etc. I think that makes a big differences - esp the sleep bit! Luck of the draw.

Hmm I've not got to this yet and I'm not sure what could happen. As for the earlier questions. Here's the scenerio from when kids were young

What is your income- total income 12kplys tax credits
how long is your commute- varied
do you have a cleaner, - no
do you have a mortgage,- yes
do you have a car that requires maintenance? - yep
Do you have a support network? - as in parents who do regular childcare- no
Do your parents help? - no
Do you use childcare that your children don't mind going to? Yes-
Is your house one that requires work doing? - yes
Do any of your family have health issues? -no

This was a a self employed single parent of 3 kids. One annoying PITA ex and one decent one. Always skint.

And repeat the same for now

What is your income- total income 17k
how long is your commute- varies
do you have a cleaner, - no
do you have a mortgage,- no
do you have a car that requires maintenance? - yep
Do you have a support network? - as in parents who do regular childcare- no.
Do your parents help? - n/a
Do you use childcare that your children don't mind going to? N/@
Is your house one that requires work doing? - yes
Do any of your family have health issues? -

Also had both parents die within. 18 months of each other, a cancer diagnosis and treatment . Also a 6 week spell in hospital with sepsis where I wasn't earning. Brother diagnosed with cancer Grandchild stillborn. 2 best friends died . This is within 6 years

But no I can't really say I've been " overwhelmed". Brought up with the mindset " life's shit learn to deal with it"

Im sure there are numerous people who feel similar to you but I think most of the people stressed and overwhelmed aren’t living in the same circumstances as you.

I’m fully aware that lots of people live to their means so a high salary doesn’t always mean lots of disposable income. However it buys you freedom and choices that aren’t available to those on a much lower income. You can afford to spend a little more on things to make life a bit more convenient whether that be a takeaway or a meal out when everyone’s had a busy day, pay for online grocery shop (lower budget supermarkets don’t offer this) a cleaner, a gardener, tradesmen etc, after school care, holiday clubs or hobbies and activities. At the most extreme, things like move or downsize the house, sell a car in order to ease the pressure elsewhere.

With that kind of salary a good 75% of my issues over the last 15 years would have been nonexistent. I wouldn’t be concerned when my child suddenly shot up a shoe size or had a growth spurt and needed a whole new wardrobe, how we were going to find the money to fix the third car issue in as many months when the car is needed to get to work or repair yet another problem with a 100 year old house.

Add in things like children with additional needs, those that hate school or have friendship issues, medical issues, job insecurity, relatives with high needs and it’s not difficult to see how so many people are feeling overwhelmed with daily life. I’m not naive I know money doesn’t buy happiness but not having to worry about it does give you the head space to tackle lots of the other things life throws your way.

So you don’t have a child with a disability or long-term illness? Or a parent or other close relative who needs regular support with living and/or navigating lots of healthcare appointments?

And you have a household income that is 2.2x the national average, and easy childcare arrangements and a very short commute. And a house which isn’t making you unwell.

Yes, I think most families have one or more factor that would make life harder. And good health, and decent income for that matter is mainly good luck, which you may well find out at some point in your life. I know I did.

In a very similar situation and I feel similar but it took a change in jobs and until I hit my 50s. I FINALLY feel I am in charge of what I do, instead of playing catch up. Life seems much smoother, money not an issue as such (we've live in a smaller terrace, nearly 30yrs, in a cheap area for our whole married life, never upgraded as most friends did.so mortgage has paid off). But mine and DH roles at home work well together. About 2 mths ago I actually said for the first time I feel on top of most stuff, whereas in the past I have been very overwhelmed which can be quite debilitating.
I do worry about our DC and nephew/nieces and how they they will cope. I see that we are probably the better off generation. We are definitely better off than my parents, and are better off than our kids , who despite good jobs, will struggle.

Your income is £120,000. I would say from my experience money solves pretty much every issue. This is why you are not overwhelmed.

You are probably in a bubble and totally unaware of what’s going on. This is not a bad thing and I wish I could be like it.

She's turning 19 and has an EHCP. Child benefit will stop (and with it the child element and disability element of UC) but she isn't able to work because of her disability, yet (possibly for some time but hopefully may be able to work in some way in the future) but is just starting college education because she's a couple of years behind.

She can claim UC in her own right with the disability element if she is deemed to have limited capability for work (she will be, due to her disability) but that can only happen if the assessment takes place before the end of August.

Why would she get UC if she is in FTE and you get CB etc for her?

Not if she's in full time education. The Government changed the law so that full time students can only get UC if they have already established limited capability for work before their course starts. The assessment process is hideously behind. We submitted forms in November. Some people are just being told they won't be assessed.

I think generally how you react to stress is personal rather than specifically related to the situation.

Im a single parent to 2 kids, one of whom has additional needs, with a not-very-involved dad. I’ve had some quite serious health issues this year.

I work nearly full time and earn reasonably well but not crazy money. I’m lucky (unlucky???) that I’ve had some inheritance so no mortgage. I have a cleaner.

I feel stressed sometimes but never overwhelmed to the point of burnout. Get plenty of time with my friends and to relax. My house is far from spotless but it’s clean enough, most stuff runs reasonably smoothly.

If she's 18, she can get UC. She just might not get the higher rate. She will get UC like all unemployed adults though.

I assume there are people like this, who don't suffer the overwhelmed feeling, unfortunately I'm not one of them. Be very thankful for just being able to get things done.

It sounds like you've found a nice balance.

I feel quite overwhelmed at the moment:

• 3 children with EHCPs, 2 at special school, 1 not receiving education.
• Reliant on UC to top up our income.
• DH's public sector job is at risk. The job market is dire.
• Children are approaching adulthood so UC will stop but they will still need to be cared for. Currently waiting for work capability assessments that will give access to UC in their own right but if they don't happen by August then our UC for one child will stop and she won't get UC in her own right.
• I've had 12 appointments in 3 days, in 3 different towns, all between ½ an hour and an hour from each other.

I could go on... I'm just saying it isn't always smooth.

You’re quite right.

I've got no reason to feel overwhelmed on paper. I work part time, financially comfortable, low stress job.

Yet I am, because I'm a worrier and a perfectionist and always have been. I create the overwhelm myself.