AIBU to be upset with my husband during newborn feeding struggles?

He should be taking care of that. Paternity leave is to

• take care of the new mother who is physically and mentally recovering from major surgery/birth
• start bonding with the baby doing at least half the baby care

Sorry to hear that. My mum was also very abusive and dead before I had my kids. It always makes me wince when posters say just go to your mums, or can’t your mum come and help. The casual privilege of it.

Phew that is a relief, still you should be sleeping in a bed, and he on the sofa. You’re the one that is in recovery and needs the most quality sleep.

@Tillyandpippa you poor girl.
Those first weeks are really tough. The point of paternity leave should be to allow both parents to 'tag team,' to make sure that both can get some sleep, share the workload and let mum start to heal before dad goes back to work.
Seems your DH is showing his true colours. Did he want a baby? Does he care about you? If both answers are yes he needs to step up fast.
If no to either it doesn't sound too promising as he is clearly on his own agenda.

I seriously hope your not cooking fir him!!

He has been truly useless.
My husband took care of the night nappy changes after I breastfed. He also did all the cooking and cleaning as I was recovering from childbirth. I couldn’t drive either but didn’t want to go anywhere because it was very snowy outside, but I can imagine in this season you’d have liked to just go to a park and sit in warm sunshine with a coffee and feel human. Why hasn’t he taken you and baby on the coffee afternoons with him?

You did the right thing by telling him how unhelpful he has been. Better to tell him then let the resentment build up.

Also don’t sleep on the sofa with the baby that is the most dangerous place to sleep. If anything, he should be on the sofa and you in bed with baby nearby in a bassinet or side by side crib.

Fucking hell. You’ve just had a section too.

i had one and didn’t/couldn’t easily change a nappy for the first two weeks. Baby kicking at my incision site whilst BF’ing wasn’t great either.

I’m so sorry, OP. I haven’t got any helpful immediate advice, but handholding from afar

Have you had baby checked for tongue tie by a lactation consultant? (Not a health visitor or midwife, they won't have been trained). Have you had a referral to the infant feeding team?

Sorry you are having such a hard time.

Can you post on the infant feeding support section to get more specific help about your breastfeeding challenges?

I had a rough time at the start with my first but we made it to 12 months with my first and 16mo with my second. So I can only say hang in there. Obviously you can also stop if you need to.

I am not sure what to say about your DH. Can you have a chat and remind him that paternity leave is specifically to help him bond with the baby and allow you to recover?

Does he have much understanding of how breastfeeding works? Can you direct him to some websites - I always found Kelly Mom useful and I shared loads of links with my clueless co-parent.

Is there anyone else who could talk to him - might slightly shame him into being a bit more helpful.

You could talk to the HV?

What does he do with the baby at the moment? Is he on top of keeping you fed and watered, on top of chores while you are focusing on feeding?

Are you able to give specific tasks? I know you shouldn’t have to but perhaps if you could direct him
or put him in charge of certain jobs (all nappy changes / all cleaning of expressing equipment / all meals including kitchen clean up / all laundry etc).

Does he take the baby for a walk every now and then so you get a short break?

I am not really sure what to say because I would be so resentful in your shoes but it’s not really helpful to you if I just say that your husband has not really stepped up enough. The golfing would infuriate me.

Try to talk to him calmly when you are a bit less emotional and try to be as clear as you can about what you want him to do.

Please ring your health visitor for some support asap. There maybe some bf groups in your area with telephone or Facebook support and who will give support regardless of how you want to feed in future. Bf is really hard at the beginning and it is your choice how you feed and no one will be able to tell later on which child was bf and which was ff. I say this as someone who bf with top ups at first

Can you go stay with your mum or have her move in