AIBU to be upset with my husband during newborn feeding struggles?

Have you filled out the Divorce papers on line? Have you gone to stay with your Sister? Hopefully he has gone home to his DM.

Wondering how you are OP?? I really hope things have gotten better xxx

This is exactly what he wants, you kept in your place and under his thumb, being the good little wife, while he does whatever the fuck he wants and berates you if you so much as raise an eyebrow at the disparity in the weight each of you is pulling within your household. It’s alarmingly common how often men become abusive during pregnancy or immediately after their wife has a baby, they see that vulnerability and they capitalise on it. I’m really sorry you’re in this situation.
Well done for making moves to get your independence back. While I would entirely understand you not necessarily wanting to make any big life changes right now, I would hope you’ll at least think about life without him, in the future.

Your MiL is saying uncannily similar things to this poster’s MiL. Perhaps you could DM her for some mutual support.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5518405-aibu-to-resent-my-mother-in-law-staying-four-weeks-after-my-c-section?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

How are you doing? Did you manage to get a home visit from a lactation consultant?

So he is on paternity leave yet is choosing to prioritise everything else in his life over you and the baby.
You are 3 weeks postpartum and are still recovering from a C section ffs!
Men like this make me so angry. OP get yourself some support, health visitor, family, mum and baby groups everything.
Im not saying this to make you feel shit but my partner was literally waking up to put the baby on my breast then taking him off again when he had finished plus did his fair share of nappy changing, housework etc that is what paternity leave is for!
Selfish prick.

Sneaking into your phone and then using your messages against you is so far beyond what’s acceptable behaviour from him. Are you married? What’s your housing situation? This is very close to abuse- I would be getting legal advice at this point.

I’d be asking him to leave.

What a surprise that your MIL is as awful as he is.The apple didn't fall very far from the tree in that family. At least you don't need to hold back. You can be as rude to her as you like without feeling guilty. When she criticises your parenting, just tell her to fuck right off as she did an absolutely terrible job with her child as she raised a complete and utter cunt.

I'm so glad that your sister is coming. You know you can't stay with this awful man. He is an utterly crap father and a fucking terrible husband. He has no redeeming features as far as I can tell. You sound so strong and capable not to have completely crumbled with such awful people in your life.

Wow op i’m so sorry. That phone stuff would be a deal breaker for me tbh, let alone all the other stuff you’ve mentioned. I really hope your sister can help.

As an aside, are you still trying to express? Honestly my recommendation is you stop. My DC1 never latched and i spent months being up at night trying to express. It so wasn’t worth the toll on my health and felt so much better when i gave up. I didn’t even try breastfeeding with dc2. Give it some consideration as you matter too.

Op what's the housing situation? Can you kick him out or leave? Can you go to your sis

This is handing it to him, exactly as he wants. Strategic incompetence.

Anyway I see from your next post he's ramping it up to abuse. I think you need urgent professional support as well as your sister.

I’m so sorry OP. Does he need it spelling out that he’s not ‘helping’ you and that everything is currently much more his responsibility to manage while you recover and get feeding (however that may be) established? And that going forward he’s also not ‘helping’ as he is equally responsible for all of it. You shouldn’t have to explain this to him but he seems to have just not got it.

I'm sorry OP, your partner should be fully supportive at this time. I formula fed my first (after failing to breastfeed the first few wks) and my husband did all the night feeds at the wknd so I could catch up on sleep. With my second, I combi fed and my OH would sleep downstairs with the baby (in the basinet) and give them a bottle around 1am and then brought the baby up to me so I could do the next feed. Meant I usually got a a solid 4 hours. He is far from perfect (aren't we all) but he helped with cleaning, cooking, messages etc and was always home from work asap (& worked from home wherever possible). Your partner needs to either step up or step out. My partner understood how hard it was and equally how unfair it was not to share the load. We both decided to become parents and we were and are both responsible for looking after our children. It is such a difficult time (I was traumatised after giving birth and had awful post partum anxiety) and probably a time in your life when you need your most support.

YANBU and your partner is a selfish prick 😤

I'm so sorry OP, it shouldn't be like this 💐

At this stage, OP, I'd be telling him to pack a bag and stay elsewhere. You've got enough on your plate to deal with, without an unhelpful man child to boot. Please ring your HV and ask for some support.

He also needs to cancel any time away from you (eg park run) for the next few weeks. The first three months of having a newborn can be intense and no extra socials are needed until everyone is comfortable/well enough

OP I’m so sorry, this sounds really tricky and he has let you and your lovely baby down spectacularly. Does he understand that?

good luck with the hv

definitely look at homestart if you haven’t got anyone in wider family who could help (anyone on his side?)

for clarity he should be doing all the washing/cooking/cleaning while you get feeding working and recover

What kind of parenting did he have?

He’s actually becoming worse! You’re doing right though and getting on with it, despite him. Just take it easy physically you don’t want to feel worse by trying to do too much too soon