Being fat stopping me from being happy

I reached 85kg last Oct which meant my BMI was in the obese range. By chance discovered the 'Losing it' podcast by Kylie Pax on Audible. She focusses on mindset. I have since lost 13kg and intend to keep going. Maybe give it a listen to see if it helps. It's free.

OP do you work from home at all?
I found an adjustable desk and a walking pad changed my life. I now easily do 20,000 steps a day while working. Slow and steady plod on and off throughout the day when I’m not in external meetings.

You just leave him with the baby and go to the gym at the weekend. He copes.
You don't get up every time at night. He copes.

You stop eating cake.

I'd be massively unhappy at a size 14.

Gosh OP. I’m 5 ft7 and size 14. I’ve never felt healthier in my entire life! I can deadlift my body weight and last weekend I moved a massive pallet of compost onto the garden beds unaided.

we’re all so different though and if it doesn’t feel right on you then there’s only one thing for it! Gym and diet. Nothing else for it.

Oh and to add, go see your friends! Having a good giggle and catch up will make you feel so much better, I promise.
Finally, nothing bad with lazy weekends. You work so hard during the week you need to listen to your body. Maybe, if you’re up for it, make a plan to walk to a local playground tomorrow. Fresh air and gentle movement is good for the soul.

Oh I feel for you, I’m about a year ahead of you. I also went up to a size 14 which I know is fine, but my style changed and I really lost my sense of self. You’re still navigating a massive life change and putting others ahead of your own needs. Problem is, things won’t change until you’re ready for it to and it sounds like you’re exhausted and your mental health has taken a battering.
As other posters have said, start small. Find 10 mins a day - I like to use a LED face mask in bed when reading as part of my wind down. When you start to take care of your self in little ways it incentives you to care for yourself in other ways.
it’s not advisable, but I did the Fast 800 to lose my baby weight. It’s extreme but knowing it was for a limited period made it less daunting and helped to embed healthy habits.
when you’re up to it, you can exercise. I use my lunch breaks as much as I can, or will squeeze in a run after nursery drop off or part of my commute home.
Finally, you need to do something about sleep. My DH and I alternate wake ups, so every other night I’ll put my earplugs in and eye mask on so he can take care of things. At weekends, alternate lie ins so you can catch up.

Depends on exact weight but I had a BMI over 30 at size 14
Depending on ethnicity the OP may be eligible at a lower BMI that this

Just adding the same experience
Mounjaro = fantastic diet, drawn to salads and vegetables like never before
Hair fabulous
Clothes fabulous
And many people I know in same boat have never been so healthy as on WLI

I truly think this is the solution when a hectic, exhausting schedule leads to sugar craving and subsequent weight gain

Can I ask where everyone who used WLI but aren’t significantly overweight got them from? Surely if OP is 5ft 7 and a 14 it won’t be easy to get them?

Having no time to exercise is irrelevant. It's not lack of exercise, it's the food intake.

You can only lose weight in the absence of insulin so you need low carb foods that do not provoke an insulin response. As soon as you drop your insulin in your blood and you have caloric deficit, you will start to burn your stored fat.

You sound really narrow minded. Of course it’s related. Weight gain is directly related to habits surrounding you lifestyle. Tiredness and sleep deprivation can and has shown to be linked to poor eating habits by habits. Focus elsewhere, reaching for sugary food etc. You mean scientifically it’s not physically making her gain the weight - obviously. The factors surrounding this are contributing to it. Just common sense but seeing as you are trying to be rude then perhaps educate yourself.

Oh OP. I really feel for you. I don’t think there are many mums of young children who haven’t at some point felt unhappy with their appearance. I feel hideous myself a lot of the time. Little things like getting a pedicure or new pair of trainers has had a much bigger impact than I expected, but I still feel sad when I look in the mirror. My hope is things will improve as the kids grow.

The fella is the problem. If he did his fair share you’d be able to relax more and you’d stop reaching for sweet, calorific foods to keep your energy up.

At 5’7” and size 14 I was 12 1/2 stone with a BMI of 27. It was overweight for me.

i feel you op, you’ve had some good advice here but be kind to yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first etc

Remove the weight issue for now.
There's no point in us saying size 14 is fine because @SunFunGin48392 doesn't want to be size 14.

I suggest you eat more healthily. The cake at 3 pm can stay. The G&T can stay.
Eat breakfast and lunch that have lots of veg and some protein, and are low carb.
Skip the biscuits and just have your nice afternoon cake.

I just wanted to say that I hugely sympathise as my DS was (and still is) a terrible sleeper. I gained a lot of weight. I didn’t even think about losing weight until he was 3 then I went on WLIs and took up strength training. A year on i am back to my pre pregnancy weight and feel so much better.

I wouldn’t rule out Mounjaro if you can afford it, it’s a total game changer and for the record my hair has stayed intact! I work FT too and don’t have much time to exercise but I do squeeze in 2-3 weights sessions a week.

His sleep will get better eventually. We are down to one wake up a night now and it’s usually short-lived. I feel like someone has turned all the lights back on in my brain.

It’s so hard I know. Good luck x

I could have written this post myself 3 years ago.
work the same hours, had a DS that woke multiple times a night and had the diet of an unchaperoned child at a birthday party and have zero photos of me and DS as a baby toddler because i hated how i looked.
WLI was the only thing that worked for me, once i started those and the hunger went away i could then focus on changing my diet / relationship with food and start exercising.
i went from over 12 stone to just under 9.
i am in no way promoting WLI its totally down to the individual but it has been life changing

I feel you OP. I'm now looking at it as a health thing rather than a looks thing?

So I am really cutting out sugar and upping my protein as I dont want to get diabetes. Nothing to do with my clothes/weight/looks it's literally for my health.

That has helped me make better food choices (I still struggle and sometimes give in to the sugar - especially this weekend when I'm surrounded by chocolate!).

Sorry if that's not helpful. I just do understand sleep deprivation and how it affects you.

Go private for an iron infusion. Once your ferritin is more normal you will feel better able to consider options for weight loss. I got mine through the NHS after years of not tolerating tablets and bumping along at the bottom of the range or below, but I wish I had paid for it ten years before.

Surely as a size 14 at 5ft 7 there is no way that OP would qualify for WLI????? That’s only marginally overweight?!

I understand you’re used to being much thinner but a size 8 at that height is really really small. So you’re not some hideous monster I think a heavy dose of perspective is needed here.

I agree that dieting might not be appealing - so don’t. Just eat to nourish your body. Give yourself proper nutrition throughout the day; drink lots of water and herbal tea, limit the booze. Walk for fresh air and to connect with nature.

Buy some really nice clothes that fit properly - that will make a huge difference. I bet you’re living in crappy clothes that don’t fit and make you feel every single excess pound. Properly fitting jeans can really boost your confidence. I’m a size 14 after previously being an 8 but today I’m wearing a banging pair of high waisted dark denim flares with a nice new top that fits really nicely and feel a million dollars!

I found the lack of sleep had me reaching for sugar when mine were little.
And I went from a sound sleeper to someone woken by the slightest sound for about 8 years after DC were born.

What helped me was DH doing a fortnight stint of nights and then regularly taking a weekend. But I was a SAHM and he worked. For you guys, he needs to be doing every other night.

On the nights DH was covering we slept apart, I took the room furthest from the DC and wore ear plugs. Once I was getting just enough sleep, it was so much easier to have healthy food and not reach for sugar.

If you’re a size 14 at 5’7 you’re really not fat.

Well that was a tough read as someone who's size 14. The good news op is I've been out today and nobody screamed, cried or threw up at the sight of me so you're probably safe to leave the house.

I get that size 8 to size 14 is a noticeable difference and you're not feeling comfortable in your own skin as a result. Do you think you may have lost perspective a bit though?!

Feeling worthless and not meeting up with friends is crazy. I bet you wouldn't be this unkind to a friend or loved one so why are you being so horrible to yourself? That's not even going to help you lose weight, you'll just feel more shit and be more likely to comfort eat.

Whatever you choose to do next, be good to yourself. Your worth is not dictated by the size of clothes you buy.

I really understand where you are coming from. My mental health has improved massively since I got on the WLI and have lost 15kg. Can I suggest a few things (if you can afford them)

Get the WLI - it literally switches off the food noise.

Carve out an afternoon at the weekend that is childfree and used for a weights session. You can buy a one day pass at a lot of gyms to get this done. Or get a PT who works in a park to do it with you. Building muscle will boost your metabolism. Don't ask DH - just go and leave him to it. Then try and do one or two short weights sessions at home - 20 minutes of full body lifts won't make you sweaty so you can do it in normal clothes. Schedule it before your evening glass of wine.......

Look at what you are doing for DH - if he won't do any more to help you then you need to do less for him - laundry/ironing etc

Get a cleaner to come in to save you some time - use that time to meal plan and batch cook healthy high protein meals at the weekend - try and take the thinking about food out of the weekly grind. Include high protein lunches not just dinners that you can take to work and microwave. Also try to have high protein quick fixes around - a snack pot of low sugar baked beans/some hard boiled eggs in a bowl in the fridge.