Being fat stopping me from being happy

I can’t tell whether you’re being sarcastic, or you mean this.

Oh you poor thing, I hear you. Your hours are so demanding, it’s no wonder you feel like you do.

When I was in my early 20s, I quickly went from a slim size 8/10 to a size 14 due to getting trapped in a dieting / binging cycle. It’s hard to understand if you haven’t been through it but food can be so much more than nourishment - it’s comfort, a reward, a pick-me-up if you feel low, but also something that can make you feel deeply ashamed.

Because I’d always been slim, I felt awful when I saw myself in the mirror or photos, and I just wanted to withdraw. When I felt depressed about the weight I’d put on, I’d comfort eat to make myself feel better - even if I wasn’t hungry, there was a temporary release in eating a big bar of chocolate or whatever, and then I’d immediately feel disgusted with myself - and so it went on.

I eventually got out of that cycle. The first few days of eating healthily and not binge eating felt like hell - but once I’d pushed through that, I started to take a real pleasure in knowing I was eating well.

I appreciate the demands of your job and sleep deprivation are making this really hard, but if you start to eat well you’ll probably start to sleep better - and just feel less sluggish. And once you start to lose weight and feel more like yourself, sugary food will lose its power - it will no longer be that thing taunting you from the sidelines and making you feel like a failure when you give in. It will just be another food that you have occasionally (like you used to before you got trapped in this cycle of comfort eating) - and of course, it’s fine in moderation.

I work 50+ hours a week but it’s my own business but I hate to say it’s only since my kids left home that I manage to really exercise daily. When they were younger we had dogs and I walked them religiously but when I worked and commuted I got up at 5am to walk them before work. It was a miserable period to be honest. In a job that very few enjoyed. And I put on weight doing it partly because of the office snack culture, extreme stress and chronic fatigue.

Have you tried spatone? It’s natural spring water from a well in Wales with high iron content in it naturally. They sell it in every supermarket and on Amazon. Plonk it in some orange juice and down it. It’s about the only thing I can tolerate for iron.

A lady who is a size 14 & not long since given birth does not need WLI

nor should it be suggested or encouraged.

way to go trying to knock her confidence further.

we don’t have to subscribe to the Size 6-8 is the only way to be beautiful brigade

I think you’re feeling fat because you’re not normally a 14 you’re an 8. I’m an 8 and would be devastated to expand to a 14.

you work 50 hours that’s a helluva lot. Any chance you can reduce?

In terms of the iron OP, you mention eating meat for every meal. You probably know this, but are you making sure it's the most iron rich types, and choosing the most iron rich veg too? Really going for it with the diet, apricots to snack on and the like? I have had low iron myself so I know it's bloody rough.

Sorry you are feeling low and sounds like you have a lot on your plate. How much do you actually weigh? Do you know your BMI? Diet is the key here, followed by exercise, start with small changes. More protein rich foods would help too. Ultimately your unhappy marriage, long working hours an sleepless nights need to change too.

Pour the Gin and the Tonic down the sink. Easy to get rid of that temptation. That's 100-250 calories a day off the balance sheet.

Resisting sugar at work when you're sleep deprived is much harder. Take a ton of fruit in?

Can you go for a walk at lunchtime at work? That's a bit of movement, plus you won't be eating pastries while you're walking.

Good luck.

Dress sizes vary wildly and aren't a reliable measure of someone's weight. If OP is a size 14 in elasticated M and S trousers she likely weighs more than someone who's a size 14 in Primark skinnies, even as a fairly tall woman. We just don't have enough information to ascertain whether OP would be eligible for WLIs or not. The comment about not doing anything nutritionally was stupid though, we know that much.

And OP, I get it. A lot of parents of young DC go through a stage where exhaustion makes them replace sleep with sugar. It's hard!

Op, if you’re a size 14 it’s possible your bmi is 27 already, but if not some pharmacies prescribe weight loss injections on a 25.

ignore those trying to stop others using them, it’s the oddest thing. If you want to lose the weight and it’s significantly impacting your mood being heavier, and your life, then I’d thoroughly recommend if you can afford.

i have been on for two years, maintaning the last year or so on a low maintenance dose, I’ve never felt or looked so good.and have so much energy, I workout 6 days a week and have a clean and healthy diet. All my blood test results smack bang in the middle of healthy.

fhe only caveat here is a size 6-8 at 5ft 7 is very thin. I’m half an inch shorter and an 8, I know if I was a six I’d be under weight. So if you previously had an eating disorder, and mentally you have always had issues round weight then I’d steer clear of them.

Has your son been checked for ear infections/blue ear/enlarged adenoids? These can make them wake inconsolable from the pain or sensation of it when lying down, would also get worse if they have a minor illness/sniffle.

Sending love OP, been there.

You running on an empty tank, no wonder you reach for sugar. There are various solutions to this, but the neatest involves DH being less shit and taking some nights/the toddler out to a weekend morning class so you can bank some sleep.

The other things I’d suggest aren’t earth-shattering - find and make a tiny change each week or two. Fill a litre bottle with water and drink it all during the day. Buy more veg than you usually do and make that a bigger proportion of what’s on your dinner plate. Book a haircut.

I was 89kg this time last year. I’m now 65kg. Filed for divorce in Feb, so that’ll be another 11 stone gone by the end of this year!

One thing at a time. Low ferritin will make you feel exhausted and lacklustre whatever size you are. Address that first, either give the supplement a PP recommended or get a private iron infusion.
After that I'd review work - 50hrs pw is just too much.
Focus on these before your weight.

Oh boy, OP. I think that this time in one's life is sooo hard. Looking back over the years at periods of bereavement, tough diagnoses, infidelity, redundancy -I was never more desperate than when DC were babies / toddlers and didn't sleep well, like I lived my life with my skin peeled off; everything hurt and there was zero rest or peace. I absolutely get your exhaustion. I used to fantasise about the national roll-out of a service to relieve sleep-deprived mothers, and felt so invisible, limping along with this secret impairment, trying to keep up.

I too work similar hours, in a pastry-rich environment, and am tied to my workplace with no chance of WFH (you're not a teacher, are you?). It would take immense willpower to resist the sugary offerings in the addled state which years of sleep deprivation puts one in.

And the male partner who ought to do more but, even after all the discussions and arguments, can't be persuaded? I used to find it so disheartening when people said "Well, he just has to do his share," / "Just go out and leave him with the baby," / "He'll figure it out," / He'll have to figure it out,". Because, at the time, if there was anything I could have said or done which would have indicated that this was a realistic possibility, I would have done it already. Comments suggesting I should "just" made things feel ten times worse; as if I was stupid for not having done x or thought of y already as well as exhausted beyond measure.

A previous poster suggested a walking pad -that's a great idea. People say that weightloss is mainly diet and that you have to work out a lot to see a difference, but I'm sure people's metabolisms are different. I can restrict all I want, but unless I also throw in some exercise in order to get my metabolic engines running, absolutely nothing happens. With an opportunity to walk at pace and incline in your own home when your DC is asleep or otherwise occupied, even for just short periods here and there, you give yourself the gift of moderate exercise without leaving the house. My walking pad is the safety valve which keeps me on a healthy trajectory now. My DC are older and sleep isn't an issue because of them anymore, but I work late in the evenings and at the weekends so finding time for exercise can still be hard term-time (I work out religiously in the holidays now).

You'll emerge from this time at some point down the line and change will be easier to bring about, but until then, please be kind to yourself. You're in the crucible of parenthood, going through a tremendous rite of passage which is likely to change how you perceive the world, and your place in it. Make it count: this is the time for the inner work, the tempering of your empathy, compassion and courage (starting with yourself), and, once through the furnace and out the other end (when your DC fiiiiiinally sleeps better), you'll have the energy for the outer work you want to do. One foot in front of the other, OP. You've got this.

I rarely post but I am shocked by how many people saying to get WLI which, at a size 14 and your height (and therefore probably just in the overweight category) is really dangerous.

OP, I've been in your exact shoes. Nightmare sleeper who woke several times a night for years coupled with a high stress long hours job and a husband rarely around to help due to shift work. I put on about 25lbs as I just gave up and felt miserable.

I have started intermittent fasting this year and it's truly changed my life, I have lost 19lbs so far since January and feel so much more like my old self. It takes no time, no money, and no significant overhaul of diet, (no WLI) you just change when you eat not what. Please read a copy of Gin Stephens book Delay Don't Deny, she has had all the same struggles and explains what to do plus the science of why it actually works and is not just another low calorie diet.

Really wishing you the best as it's so tough! Ps my son now sleeps 7-7 at the age of 4 so it DOES get better I promise.

You have a child under 2 and work 50 hours a week! Cut your hours until he starts school and you will start to feel better.

Easy wins - cut out all alcohol, it's really bad for sleep.

Cut out any laundry for lazy husband or any domestic tasks that only affect him.

Focus on buying healthy food so what is on hand is lower calorie when you want an easy meal.

OP I feel for you. In your situation I would
Reduce hours at work
Use that time as much as possible for me..get a hair cut,.skincare, walk etc. if you have your toddler set him up on something like the tv to get time to yourself.
Your dh - is he good in other aspects? My DH is not the best at housework but he gets up with my toddler every night, every morning, does bed time etc so I am happy with the trade.off. could you try something like that
Buy some new clothes for your current body to make you feel better
I am a size 14 since my little one was born but I have come to accept it. I don't want to live in self judgement and in all honesty unless your massive no one cares. So accept.it, buy some clothes to help your self esteem and then work on your diet and or exercise to lose weight in a sustainable way..
Your body is amazing for going through childbirth and you and your body deserve to be treated with kindness..so look after yourself and make the changes you need to if you want to make a change.
Also look in the mirror and look for the good things you see and say then out loud..

Working 50 hours a week, a two year old and a husband not doing his fair share isn’t doable and so you are using sugar to maintain an impossible lifestyle. I’m so sorry but this is too hard on you.

I feel for you OP. It’s not that you’re fat. It’s the eroding away of yourself through parenting, sleeplessness, housework and grinding work.
It’s good you’ve posted as this can be seen as a cry for help and demand for change. If you’re a coper it can be so easy to put yourself at the bottom of your list of responsibilities.
Do you have any money you can throw at any of this? Drop some hours? Buy in help?
Time to tell your DH something is going to change and if it’s not him it has to be you. Leave him with your son to go out for something like C25k.
Also think that WLI could be the kick start you need to get out of this feeling. No they don’t make your hair fall out or your bones weak. Not eating well and exercising and getting older does that. They are bloody marvellous if you are overweight enough and can afford it.
At least stopping the sugar crashes will reduce the tiredness in the long run.

I have been chronically anaemic for most of my adult life (very heavy periods). At my lowest my ferratin was 2. My GP was surprised I wasn't fainting all the time. I have tried so many different iron pills from the hospital/ health shops - all of them gave me constipation or diarrhoea.

These were a game changer. A GP told me about them when she was about to prescribe me ferrous fumarate (again) and I said I didn't want them. Been taking them for 3+ years. It took 6 months for my iron levels to build up to normal. https://amzn.eu/d/0dC8LTN0

Good luck

At that height and weight i bet you look lovely. Im just a wee half inch taller than you and a comfortable size 14 and id say im not fat. ❤️

Being tired drives eating. It’s really hard to eat a balanced modest diet when you dripping with tiredness and your body craves sugar and carbs for quick energy and you want the mood boost.

Well done for your career.

Can you take a mini sabbatical and work 4 days a week for 3 or 6 months? And get a sleep nanny to sort out your 2 yo to sleep through?

You certainly are not worthless etc! You are worth a lot and your health and happiness and wellbeing are valuable!

Hi OP, firstly sympathies. I think I’m slightly further along than you, but I’ve been exactly where you are.

I have 2DC, one that was a colicky nightmare to
begin with that turned into a reliable sleeper, and a
unicorn baby that then went into a regression that seemingly never ends! I’ve worked out my mood and
health are directly related to sleep.

Pre-kids, I was a size 8-10. Post DC1, I went up to a 12, but post DC2 I went up to a 14-16 and I’ve never felt less like myself.

From the start of the year, I’ve been trying to develop healthier habits. So I restrict alcohol to 3 nights per week and aim to eat more protein and less sugar. I’ve been doing home workouts at least 4x per week. It’s taken months but I’m finally seeing results. I’ve also found that exercising when I’m knackered unexpectedly helps with my energy levels. Also I tend to find it that little bit easier to eat well if I’ve worked out.

All to say, you’re not alone and I think we can get there, bit by bit. It’s actually still v.early days post partum so go easy on yourself.