Being fat stopping me from being happy

You won’t be helped by the comments telling you a 14 isn’t fat. If you feel fat then that’s how you feel. I m 5’7 and was objectively fat at a 14. Not massive, but fat. It might be the average size but a lot of people are also fat.

You need to be telling your DH to pull his weight so you aren’t burning yourself at both ends of the stick. I disagree that your job and being tired are unrelated. When I’m tired and burnt out I’m much less likely to exercise, cook and meal plan. Being tired makes me crave junk food.

Sleep is very important. Go to bed as early as you can, even if that means sacrificing some time alone with DH. Preparing overnight oats takes 2 minutes the night before and means you have a calorie controlled easy breakfast ready for the next day. You can grab it and take it to work. I would even look at some meal delivery boxes whilst you’re knackered. You can select easy to cook calorie controlled ones. It takes the stress of meal planning, cooking and calorie counting off. What’s your job? Are you in an office? Could you get a walking pad?

Most important things are sleep and DH pulling his weight.

But also agree with PP on sleep. I probably would have found it much more difficult to make that change a few years ago when I was up several times a night with my then 3 year old who was a terrible sleeper. I do think sometimes you can make the smaller changes, but accept that making big lifestyle changes is going to be tougher in the stage you’re currently in than maybe when kids are a bit older (mine are 7 and 10 and whilst they still occasionally wake up, particularly the younger one, and get up early, it’s definitely easier for me now).

@Historian0111101000i have a similarly busy job and do it. I would actually say calorie counting is the thing that has made me make lifestyle changes. I’ve realised what I’m eating properly over a day and have lost the 11kg I wanted to and am now maintaining- focusing on high protein and lower carb. Being aware of what I was eating is what has made me able to make the change - it shows you things like the calories in what you are drinking or snacking on for example and enables you to make a sustainable switch.

You are being very harsh on yourself. I am more or less the same height as you (about half an inch shorter). How much do you weigh? A size 14 is not "fat" - I opened this thread thinking you would be morbidly obese.

My DC are nearly 10 and 7 and I have only just got my shit together and started to eat well and exercise consistently. You have plenty of time to get things back on track but sleep deprivation is a killer - my youngest was such a terrible sleeper, not sure how I survived looking back. My two still normally wake me up twice a night between them, but they do go straight back to sleep a least so I am much better rested. I am also not afraid of an early night here and there to top up.

For now I would simply focus on eating better. I started that first and it made a massive l, massive difference to how I felt in myself - more alert, happier, more energy. I don't mean counting calories either, I mean just eating nutritious foods that taste good. Cutting junk where you can will help too.

Get out for fresh air - if you have a two year old you aren't far off scooting age. It's amazing how fast you have to walk to keep up with a scooting child!! And being outside is great for your wellbeing.

But please be kind to yourself - you work a fuck tonne of hours, and have a small child. I never went back full time after my oldest was born and I still struggled, lost myself completely, just existing for years. So I really don't under estimate how much you have on your plate, so you need to cut yourself some significant slack here and focus on the bigger picture. There's plenty of time for weight loss, now is survival mode time.

No, you don't have to but the risk of weight gain is higher. The preliminary research suggests people regain weight if they stop, which is also true of dieting.

There was a BMJ review of research a couple of months ago which found that people lost much more on WLIs initially, then regained the weight faster and were still lighter than dieters at the end of the test period. They did say more research was needed, as a lot of what they reviewed were the older generation WLIs. A lot of us are working on the assumption we'll need them long term though, I for one expect to keep taking them forever.

But obviously this isn't necessarily relevant for OP anyway.

The main thing you need to focus on is sleep.

I cannot tell you how much sleep and stress impact my weight and it took me years to realise this.

Go to bed as early as you possibly can.
I would go really early and take a camomile tea and good book (don’t go on your phone).

If you’re physically in bed then you can’t snack.
But also when you’re tired your body craves crap, stores excess fat but also takes goodness from the rest of your body which can affect your hair, skin and nails.

If you can sleep better, then everything else gets easier but there is no point trying to diet or exercise if you’re not sleeping.

Exercise can burn calories but I find it is much more effective to help your MH (which reduces stress and stress impacts your weight).
I would prioritise going for walks out in the fresh air, as being outdoors can also do wonders.

I don’t think you’re being remotely unreasonable to be upset about this.

I’m 5’8.5 and I had a couple of years where I put on a tonne of weight. I was a size 14, but at the absolute upper end of it. I have been thin my whole life and didn’t recognise myself in photos. As I’m on the tall side, I felt I looked like a she-devil. I lost 50 pounds on Mounjaro and I’ve been 9.5 stone for about a year now. I’m so much happier.

Please go back to the GP to get your iron sorted. I used to be extremely anaemic and I know how debilitating it can be. I was able to sort mine out via tablets and a Mirena, luckily.

Absolutely agree with all this. A ferritin of 13 can defo exacerbate your exhaustion. It's also a reason I definitely wouldn't recommend WLI if you're already so nutritionally deficient and needed treatment for B12 and vitamin D too, as the associated restriction may exacerbate those issues and contribute to worse fatigue. If that was 4 months ago I would expect those supplements to have kicked in by now but your ferritin is what needs working on.

You want a minimum of 30, ideally 70+. What are your periods like? I was fighting a losing battle with iron in diet and tablets as I would just about start feeling some benefit then have a heavy period and be right back where I started. What's your haemoglobin (Hb)? If you've already spent 200+ on iron supplements then can you push to a private transfusion? I saw them at £500-700. However I managed to avoid it by getting tranexamic acid prescribed by the GP which helps clotting so massively reduced my periods and I finally stopped losing my iron gains each month! Maybe something to consider as an alternate approach?

I'm not sure how best to approach the sleep but it will all seem so much more sustainable when your health issues are sorted

I don’t think calorie counting would work. First, if she works that much, it’s just too time-consuming to log everything. Second, calorie counting would likely just cause more stress.

To lose this amount of weight, a short-term diet won’t work. Diets are only effective if you want to lose a kilo or two quickly before a holiday.

To go from a size 14 to an 8, you need a lifestyle change. If you eat homemade food and pay attention to variety and portion sizes, you don’t need to count calories—you won't overeat that way.

OP, you’ve gotten so much great advice!

I have a concern about the weight loss injections. Do you have to be on them for your whole life? I get the impression this is the case.

But more importantly, how was your diet before when you were a size 6? Just checking if there are underlying issues with food?

@SunFunGin48392there is such a lot to unpick here, but it does sound like you genuinely need a quick fix. Depending on your BMI you might be eligible for private weight loss injections which is probably your best bet since you are time poor.

It’s just not true when people talk about exercising not being part of being healthy. It really is! A sedentary lifestyle puts you at higher risk of a range of diseases. Plus exercise gives us endorphins, which it sounds like OP needs.

After years of shift work, single parenting and poor sleep patterns, I was the same as you. I used the terrible/lazy/stupid/selfish 😉 WLI and halved my body size. It changed my life. I just got to a point where I needed the change but I couldn’t do it alone.

Firstly, you need to sort the iron issue out. Ferritin of 13 is absolutely of a level to cause symptoms, your fatigue is the main one. A baby waking once shouldn't be enough to make you feel that tired. The tiredness is what's making you want to eat sugar all the time. Once it's sorted you will drop the weight fairly easily I expect.

Your GP sounds shit, I'd move to another one if you can. You can get private iron infusions, but they're expensive (£500+). Try it once - you should feel a LOT better really quickly. Or if you can't afford it, tell your GP that you're feeling very unwell, your iron is low, you clearly can't tolerate oral iron supplements, so you'd like a referral to haematology to discuss other options such as infusion.

It can seem overwhelming knowing where to start to actually make a noticeable change, Start with one small habit and stick to that.

Get yourself down to Home sense or somewhere that sells water bottles and pick yourself one you love. Set yourself alarms for every half hour/hour or you can download apps that remind you and set your goal to start drinking more water each day.

After you’ve been doing this for 2/3 weeks and it’s starting to become a habit add in another small change. This could be the goal of eating one piece of fruit each day. Keep a notebook diary of each day and tick off your goals and keep notes.

The key is to start small, not overwhelm yourself and remember you’re doing this to nourish and love your body not to punish it.

Steps you can add in your your goals as you go along could be upping the fruit and veg portions you’re consuming in a day.

Getting outside got a walk a set number of times a week.

Standing in the mirror and telling yourself positive things about your body or writing them down daily in your note pad.

I want to share some empathy and solidarity. I have a 2 year old too; I also went back to work in a stressful job quite quickly afterwards and lost a lot of weight quickly post-partem too (I was getting married so had this as an incentive). Post-wedding I put loads on and became by far the largest I've ever been in my life. Exhausted, living off sugar highs, could only exercise by sacrificing even more of the little sleep and rest I already had. I felt so ashamed that I too avoided photographs and friends. And all of that was in a situation where, by the sounds of it, I have it a lot easier than you (my DH does do a lot, and my DD has been a decent sleeper for a while). In your shoes I would have struggled even more.

About 3 months ago I decided to take charge of it. I've now lost a good amount of weight and have found a diet that seems to work for me and to feel sustainable. Still a lot larger than I'd like and a good way to go but I do feel a lot better. I think what I found helpful was:

• self-compassion. I had to stop beating myself up about weight to lose any. For example I accepted that I'm not going to have the perfect diet, that I would crave sugar when exhausted, and that I'd need to accept some of that even if it isn't the healthiest. If I ate too much one day, I'd try to see the next day as a fresh chance, whilst previously I'd take it as evidence of more failure.
• I made a few swaps as practical cheats, eg started to drink diet fizzy drinks in the day to replace previous habits of scoffing calorific snacks; brought leftovers to work instead of buying sandwiches (or when I had no decent leftovers, would even fork out for a chunk of pre-cooked salmon or something from the supermarket). Not the best habits at all but it eased my path a bit.
• I joined Slimming World and prioritised attending weekly meetings at all costs. Not for everyone, and I don't always stick to the plan perfectly, but the accountability, the community and the sense of investing in myself has been really helpful (and damn some inspiring women go to those groups).
• I gave myself a modest clothes budget and bought myself some things on ebay / vinted that fitted my current size and helped me to feel a bit more confident. Have done the same again when I first went down a size. It was difficult to do because it just seems like a waste of money to buy clothes you hope not to fit into for long, but I reasoned that refusing to invest in myself was contributing to me feeling shit. I will try to sell too-large clothes on in future if I sustain my weight-loss and at a time when I have more energy.

Most importantly of all, I think, is clarifying your own motivation to do it. You say the weight is making you unhappy, and sure, it isn't surprising that putting on weight and not feeling as physically confident does impact on happiness. But losing weight does not in itself make a person happy. Nor does gaining weight automatically equate to misery. I think we sometimes try to use over-thinking food and weight as a substitute for other things (as a method of coping with painful emotions; as a form of self-punishment; as a way of giving us a sense of control; as a barometer of worth, etc). Being honest about what these things mean to you, and about what a slimmer body both can and cannot give you, is perhaps important. If for example you are not happy in your marriage or with other elements of your life, losing weight won't help with that much (although anything that gives you more energy and confidence might help you to make changes in other parts of your life).

Look into Creatine as a supplement to help with sleep deprivation. There are studies that show it can compensate for hours of lost sleep. It could really help you when you’re feeling shattered and reaching for the biscuits. Plus don’t rule out WLI (although not sure your BMI would be high enough at 5,7 and a size 14).

Would a calorie counting app work? Help you to see what you are eating, I found it really helpful.

Oh do get over yourself. She’s deeply unhappy with her weight and as long as no eating disorders and she can afford there Is absolutely no reason she couldn’t take weight loss injections.

seriously take some time to give some thought to why you struggle with the fact these meds exist. Is is jealousy, resentment, ignorance of them? Not for this thread, no one cares, it’s for you to know and deal with.

for this thread they are an excellent suggestion .

Hello. I remember feeling in a similar way after my second baby. I put on weight after as due to my working hours plus managing two small children my diet was awful: lots of snacks and chocolate to keep my energy levels up. Someone mentioned avoiding WLI but actually I found them amazing as they stopped the sugar cravings and I am eating much more healthily then I was. I still eat but don’t binge or gets takeaway etc. I haven’t lost any hair either.

it took me till my youngest was 4 to start to turn things around. Before 4 I don’t think I could have managed.

Im so sorry you are in this position. I really feel for you. I feel the starting point is your lack of sleep. Nobody can even think straight on no sleep. Ok, so your DH won’t step up. Could you sleep at your mums or she stop with you to do wake ups at the weekend for a few weeks? Could you go to a hotel overnight on a Friday night to get a lie in for a few weeks to force childcare on your DH? Could you take 2 weeks holiday annd sleep whilst your son is in daycare? Any solution you can think of to get some sleep. Just until you have enough sleep to be able to think. Then I’d suggest seeing what you can do to buy in help to create some time in your life for self care and drop the weight - most of it in the form of that useless lump of husband.

You’re the same height as me and I could and would never be able to be a size 8, that is absolutely tiny at our height so you must have been extremely slim before. A size 14 at our height definitely isn’t fat. I’m wondering if you might have body dysmorphia in truth.

I'm sure your stage of life / parenthood and lack of DH support aren't uncommon or helping you, but you can make small changes that might start to make you feel a bit more in control without losing out on the much-needed treats.

Start with no alcohol on a night before work (so stick to fri/sat), you could always have a tonic & ice on a week night. Choose your snacks wisely & have easy but healthy foods as well. There's cake with 250cals and cake with 1000 cals! Choose the former. I make a moorish, fudge banana cake with defrosted frozen bananas so it needs very little fat and half the amount of sugar the recipe states (the frozen bananas are sweeter). Plus I replace some flour with vanilla protein powder and milled flax seeds - you would never know). It slices & freezes really well. I also have all my cake with low fat Greek yoghurt too.

Bulk cook jackets & freeze. Have with tuna, cottage cheese & salad or baked beans. On repeat if necessary.

But still have a rich tea biscuit or piece of dark chocolate after. Then if you have another biscuit or piece of choc (or even a third) it's still not too bad. And if you can do any quick exercise whilst boiling the kettle etc or combine it with little one eg. sit ups then every little helps.

I don’t get why people keep telling you that a size 14 isn’t big. If you’re usually a size 8, of course you’re going to feel much bigger. I went from a size 8 to a 10 during pregnancy, and I felt massive.

If you’re working that much, the main thing you can realistically change is your diet. Maybe look into options like Green Shef, MindefulShef or Riverford boxes.

Try to avoid processed foods and constant snacking. It might also be worth reading about fasting—I don’t eat after 5:40pm until 9am, and it works really well for me. I work long hours and have two young kids, so I understand how hard it can be. Sticking to three meals a day (or even two, if that suits you better) can make a big difference.

When you buy food, make sure you read the labels. I never buy anything that contains ingredients I wouldn’t normally have in my pantry.

If you work at a desk, I know it’s hard not to snack, so the best thing you can do is remove temptation. Get rid of junk food at home—your kids don’t need it, and if your husband wants it, ask him to keep it out of sight.

Can you get a private injection/infusion?

dr is probably right its not quite low enough for injection.

whats the situation with the 50hrs working are you self employed? Or are you employed and working more hours than you are meant to, to try and keep up?

you need to scale work back a little bit. Someone suggested a lunchtime walk, the sun will help with the vit D. But if you are desk based getting up every hr & just having a walk about, stretches for five mins will benefit you.

so many threads this weekend of ladies feeling fat, unattractive and worthless. You aren’t worthless, you carried, gave birth & are raising a little baby, thats hard work even with a fully capable husband.

You hold down a demanding job & run your house.

lot of people there who could not do without you.

again you had a baby, your body changes, you are so busy & just trying to get through life. Can hubby look after the toddler for an afternoon on one of your days off & you go off and have some much needed r&r, drinks with the girls, shopping, a pamper aeasion, whatever floats your boat.

you need to give your mind & your body a break. Things will get easier once the toddler is sleeping through the night