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Original poster

Child given money by "Vicar" at school

812 replies

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 03/04/2026 20:51

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

OP posts:
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ThatLemonBee · 08/04/2026 13:49

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 08/04/2026 13:23

I'm not going to call the police, people can disagree with my way of dealing with this but I really do not think it's a police matter at this stage.

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Why ? As someone who works in the family court this seems such a big mistake . What is your fear ? At least speak with them

Temporaryname158 · 08/04/2026 13:36

Report to the school, LADO, police and the parish/church order the vicar belongs to!

KilkennyCats · 08/04/2026 13:36

Mummyof32023 · 08/04/2026 13:31

It absoutely is a police matter! I think the school will call them anyway due to safeguarding. Ask yourself if he give money, why?

I couldnt live with myself knowing this and NOT acting on it.

Edited
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It is NOT a police matter.

Mummyof32023 · 08/04/2026 13:31

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 08/04/2026 13:23

I'm not going to call the police, people can disagree with my way of dealing with this but I really do not think it's a police matter at this stage.

Show quote history

It absoutely is a police matter! I think the school will call them anyway due to safeguarding. Ask yourself if he give money, why?

I couldnt live with myself knowing this and NOT acting on it.

Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 08/04/2026 13:24

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:49

Does your child know the consequences of lying? Especially if it gets people in authority or respected people into trouble?

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She does and I really don't think she is lying. But I am not completely disregarding it as a possibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 08/04/2026 13:23

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 12:53

It's been five days and the OP hasn't called police.

I'm not going to call the police, people can disagree with my way of dealing with this but I really do not think it's a police matter at this stage.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:54

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 12:53

It's been five days and the OP hasn't called police.

She already said she’d prefer the school to deal with it not police.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:53

At my nephew’s primary school on their website non Christian they have an email address, just checked.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 12:53

It's been five days and the OP hasn't called police.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:52

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 12:52

What has your brother got to do with this?

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I’m giving an example of the possible ways of people in power may groom children.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 12:52

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:45

So if he gave a bible or sweets that’d be ok would it? And no other children had these. And to tell her to be quiet about it or keep a secret.

I suppose when my DB was at Catholic school it was fine for one of the brothers to touch his hair and say it needed pigtails? Brother’s hair was mostly short anyway.

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What has your brother got to do with this?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:50

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 08/04/2026 12:46

I looked on my children’s old primary school website out of interest, zero safeguarding phone numbers or addresses apart from the main school office number.

When all the schools open again it might be something some people should query with their children’s schools.

Big issue which should be resolved asap.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:49

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 07/04/2026 23:53

It really is a bizarre situation, when she first said it I was thinking to myself how the hell could that happen in that situation without any of the teachers or more than one other child seeing. But she is so adamant about it I can't disbelieve her without at least getting the school to investigate it.

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Does your child know the consequences of lying? Especially if it gets people in authority or respected people into trouble?

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 08/04/2026 12:46

I looked on my children’s old primary school website out of interest, zero safeguarding phone numbers or addresses apart from the main school office number.

When all the schools open again it might be something some people should query with their children’s schools.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:46

DotAndCarryOne2 · 08/04/2026 12:36

Giving the child five pounds and telling them it’s a secret between them is most definitely a police matter. It’s a huge red flag. How much evidence of child abuse does there have to be among members of the clergy to get the message across?

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Totally agreed. It is shocking how many people minimise these incidents or make excuses for them.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 12:45

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 11:13

Presumably he won't have one to one contact with children at said activities. I'm personally not sure how giving someone five pounds equates to a police matter but there you have it

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So if he gave a bible or sweets that’d be ok would it? And no other children had these. And to tell her to be quiet about it or keep a secret.

I suppose when my DB was at Catholic school it was fine for one of the brothers to touch his hair and say it needed pigtails? Brother’s hair was mostly short anyway.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 12:41

DotAndCarryOne2 · 08/04/2026 12:36

Giving the child five pounds and telling them it’s a secret between them is most definitely a police matter. It’s a huge red flag. How much evidence of child abuse does there have to be among members of the clergy to get the message across?

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Ok - so why doesn't the OP call police

DotAndCarryOne2 · 08/04/2026 12:38

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 06:51

But I totally agree with everybody else this is not an emergency. The child is safe.

But are other children this man may be in contact with safe ?

DotAndCarryOne2 · 08/04/2026 12:36

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 11:13

Presumably he won't have one to one contact with children at said activities. I'm personally not sure how giving someone five pounds equates to a police matter but there you have it

Show quote history

Giving the child five pounds and telling them it’s a secret between them is most definitely a police matter. It’s a huge red flag. How much evidence of child abuse does there have to be among members of the clergy to get the message across?

LauraTheReader25 · 08/04/2026 11:30

Absoutely you need to report this to the school, police and the church as this safeguarding issues. This has been convered recently on Waterloo Road - it can be the start of something much bigger.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 11:20

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 11:13

Presumably he won't have one to one contact with children at said activities. I'm personally not sure how giving someone five pounds equates to a police matter but there you have it

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It’s what he said as well as giving her the money to silence her.

I hope this did not happen and the girl is lying. Some do at that age. But if she isn’t lying it’s potentially very serious or could be. Abusers are very clever people.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 11:18

Swiftie1878 · 08/04/2026 10:50

There is no immediate danger to this child, but HE could be an immediate danger to other children, especially over the Easter period when lots of children attend church/church arranged activities.

There are two sides to safeguarding, which given you have experience in the area, you obviously know.

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Definitely. Even with safeguarding procedures in place abusers still slip through the net, I’m sure I posted about this before. Choirboys and cathedral staff in an English c of e cathedral maybe 15 years ago. My best friend worked in comms and fundraising for a Catholic diocese and I know of a safeguarding officer who was fired from a Catholic diocese because she made a serious mistake. The tales my best friend could tell you about inappropriate behaviour (Catholic author gay to do with a secondary school, very dodgy poems). Sexual abuse still does happen in all faiths make no mistake about it.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 11:13

Swiftie1878 · 08/04/2026 10:50

There is no immediate danger to this child, but HE could be an immediate danger to other children, especially over the Easter period when lots of children attend church/church arranged activities.

There are two sides to safeguarding, which given you have experience in the area, you obviously know.

Show quote history

Presumably he won't have one to one contact with children at said activities. I'm personally not sure how giving someone five pounds equates to a police matter but there you have it

MajorProcrastination · 08/04/2026 11:11

I'm a governor and I'm still reading my emails in the holidays. I've had a meeting in the Easter hols with the head, deputy, and the safeguarding lead, and we've exchanged emails and whatsapps. Fewer than during term time, and yes some of the staff do go on holidays and have proper breaks but it's still worth emailing the head and the main school email address even if you don't have the direct email for the governor.

Weird that people are so hung up on the sofa being in the hall. The space our children have assembly in has sofas in the corner at the back because it's a space that's used for other things.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 11:00

Reallyneedsaholiday · 08/04/2026 08:46

I have no idea why she hasn’t done so. She should have

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If there’s no safeguarding email for the school what can she do? Do admin staff work at the school during Easter holidays? Email Diocese? Police maybe