Child given money by "Vicar" at school

As a vicar I genuinely believe that this is terrible advice. I know the OP hasn't done this and has reported, but the reasons this is terrible advice are:

1. We don't know that the person involved actually was the vicar, they could be a curate, they could be someone else who takes assemblies. If one of my team had done this I would like it investigated properly. I would be totally confused if a parent randomly came up to me and said that they had given the money to charity, and probably assume they had me mixed up with someone else, nod along and think no more of it. (I have some very random conversations with people e.g. where I have been accused of being the sole reason behind homelessness, drug addiction, slave trade reparations etc where it is easier to smile and nod). Whereas if the school/safeguarding came to me to find out what happened then, firstly the school will know who was actually on site and can investigate accordingly, secondly if it was a well meaning but very badly thought through thing that someone from my church had done I could make sure that they went through appropriate training and didn't do it again.
2. If it were me as the vicar that had done it, I deserve to be severely pulled up by the safeguarding team and retrained to learn why I shouldn't do it again. Because even if I had done it innocently e.g. I have been talking about Maundy Money in assembly and it historically went to people who were in poverty, and a child puts their hand up and says "We don't have enough money so I have never had an Easter Egg" so I give them some money so they can get an Easter Egg saying "don't tell the others as I can't afford to buy everyone an egg". Then I really need much better training as to why that is totally inappropriate. Equally if I had done it to start grooming this child then some hint that a parent is on to me probably isn't going to stop me doing it to another child instead.

Don't apologise! A lot has been said. Basically it is a safeguarding concern, so the OP has reported it to the school, in the hope it will be e forwarded to the Safeguarding Lead for a follow up. The school should really have that email contact on the home page. However.
She should also contact the Diocese, because the vicar has broken the safeguarding rules and this needs to be acted on. However, I don't know if she's done that.

Sorry, I didn’t read all 29 pages.

Apologises for that.

to clarify, this has been reported to the school?

im trying to catch up on the thread so sorry in advance.

As a parent I’m now learning a lot from the thread so thanks ladies.

@Needspaceforlegothere may be no immediate danger for OP's child, but other children may well be at risk.

Ok, that's fine. I'm just saying that it's now gone forward as a safeguarding concern.

my post was made in the spirit that would have been the first time she actually sees the vicar.

there’s been Easter holidays etc

Quite frankly why should I care what the Vicar find odds, I’d say his behaviour at best could be deemed odd by some…

As stated, that’s how I would have approached the issue, making it clear my child has told me about the situation, I find it odd, I have made a donation of the same amount to charity.

I would then escalate further if needs be.

Also if the Vicar has no idea what the OP is talking about it would then appear the child may not have been telling the truth.

people can handle it as they see fit this was my opinion.

10 days later? Would you think the Vicar would find this odd?
As debated, and said many times, it's a safeguarding issue, and needs to be followed up as such.

I would approach the vicar and say

’ Thank you for your generosity with giving my DC the money, very kind of you but there’s genuinely no need. We have therefore made a donation to NSPCC with the funds’.

hooefully he gets the hint that your daughter isn’t going to keep his secret, you’re aware it happened, won’t escalate it at this point in the time and the charity named is a telling indication should, God forbid, his intentions were less than honourable.

There are plenty of people questioning whether the child is making it up, which is what I mean by not taking it seriously.

Absolutely.

The powerful have always used the fear of repercussions over their victims. Haven’t we learned anything from all the scandals of the last few years?

Nobody isn't taking it seriously.
Some are recognising theres not immediate danger. Therefore its reasonable to wait until school is back before speaking to them.

It just seems so random.
He randomly sat beside her, at the end of a row, whats the chances he will ever get the chance to sit beside her again at the end of a row? Or single her out in any other way.

Op hasn't mentioned being a church member, or him having any other opportunity to be near her DD.

That's what makes grooming seem unlikely to me.

Ah, ok. Regardless of whether the person is male or female, or any other gender, it should still be raised now, well 5 days ago, not when school returns.

I'm glad you have said this as I thinking exactly the same. Working in a school it's drilled into us about the importance of taking any concern seriously and not dismissing what a child says. A child needs to be able to trust that an adult will listen and believe them, not be dismissed as not telling the truth. That's not for us to decide, in instances like this it's the job of the professionals to ascertain the facts.

Because of the overdramatic replies to her

The mother posted yesterday. Why would the child not be alive

I'm so engrossed with this thread I'm wondering if the child is actually now still alive 🙄🙄🙄

And of course, it may not even have been a vicar...

Although looking at the profiles/photos of newly ordained clergy in this particular diocese over the last three years, around 60% of new recruits are women. Therefore it might depend on seniority/area/role.

You don’t have to. Just click on ‘see all’ at the bottom right of the OP.

Which is indeed why I said "along with the school" 😊

The OP hasn't said it's a man apparently. I thought it was but she's not specified it.

I would 100% call out of hours SW and ask their advice. Waiting for school to open is not appropriate at all in my opinion. I have worked with children for 30 years. The school should instigate a CP investigation which will involve police and SW so waiting is only potentially putting other children and young people in a position of vulnerability and risk if this man did have awful intentions.

With respect I can't be bothered trawling through 28 pages.

People get arrested and charged daily and don't have their name put in the press - that was the only point I was making. I don't think this issue is comparable to the issue with the radio 1 DJ that someone mentioned earlier - and he wasn't charged in the end

Most cases I see on social media daily - including where police disclose an arrest and charge - the person isn't named. The only ones I have seen in the press over the previous couple of years is where someone has been famous.

(I'm in the UK but not England and our laws are slightly different when it comes to procedures when someone is arrested or interviewed under caution).

Could you call the local lado if you don't want to call the police? If you are in Durham (maybe I misunderstood), that's the link:
https://durham-scp.org.uk/practitioners/allegations-against-staff-or-volunteers-lado/
Is that person employed by the school? I guess not, so they will only be able to escalate through lado.

How would you feel if something happened to another child during Easter holidays because nobody had reported the vicar earlier?