Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child given money by "Vicar" at school

812 replies

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 03/04/2026 20:51

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 15/04/2026 09:26

Applecup · 15/04/2026 07:42

It’s gone very quiet. Probably kid made it up.

Show quote history

How many times do I have to say that I've emailed the school but they are not back open until the 20th, no one answered my email this last week so I don't think anyone is monitoring it over the holidays.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 15/04/2026 09:25

Applecup · 15/04/2026 07:42

It’s gone very quiet. Probably kid made it up.

Show quote history

Yes very suspicious.

Applecup · 15/04/2026 07:42

Reallyneedsaholiday · 13/04/2026 19:23

Any update from OP? What did the school say? Are they following it up?

It’s gone very quiet. Probably kid made it up.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 13/04/2026 19:23

Any update from OP? What did the school say? Are they following it up?

AgentPidge · 13/04/2026 19:18

ProfessorBinturong · 13/04/2026 15:16

The sex of the person may alter the balance of probability on the dangerous/stupid question, but it makes no difference to the advice the OP needs. Her actions, and those of the school and diocese, need to be the same either way.

Yes, they do.

AgentPidge · 13/04/2026 19:15

I'm not sure how many times I need to write "It's wrong" and "It's not appropriate". I put both in that post, just to make sure. Did you not see either of those?

Plumnora · 13/04/2026 19:07

AgentPidge · 13/04/2026 14:22

I just think it's odd to not say, because It doesn't give the whole context. I said it because it seems relevant after OhWiseOne's comments about her seeming to change her story. It would still be wrong of course, but there's a lot of difference between a pervy bloke and a lovely granny type giving a little girl money for an Easter Egg for example, if she'd said she hadn't had one. Yes, still not appropriate. But context. We wouldn't know if the granny was pervy, but it's a lot less likely.

Edited
Show quote history

I think it's odd that you're even trying to argue this! It's not ok for an adult in a position of authority to give money (or a gift of any kind for that matter) and then ask the child to keep it "just between them". I'm not really sure what more context you need.

MadeInGrimsby · 13/04/2026 17:58

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/04/2026 17:56

I don’t know why either. I suggested this to her too a few pages back.

Show quote history

Yes, it would seem the obvious thing to do, and would get a reasonably prompt response.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/04/2026 17:56

MadeInGrimsby · 13/04/2026 17:22

In all fairness, people have been saying exactly this for the last 30 pages, including posters who are vicars and diocesan workers.
I don't know why she hasn't.

Show quote history

I don’t know why either. I suggested this to her too a few pages back.

MadeInGrimsby · 13/04/2026 17:22

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/04/2026 15:17

Contact the diocese. Their safeguarding department, you can contact the school too when it opens. The vicar/curate’s jurisdiction will be the diocese.

Show quote history

In all fairness, people have been saying exactly this for the last 30 pages, including posters who are vicars and diocesan workers.
I don't know why she hasn't.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/04/2026 15:17

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 12/04/2026 20:10

Yes, I still haven't heard anything so I'm not expecting to until the school reopens on the 20th.

Show quote history

Contact the diocese. Their safeguarding department, you can contact the school too when it opens. The vicar/curate’s jurisdiction will be the diocese.

ProfessorBinturong · 13/04/2026 15:16

The sex of the person may alter the balance of probability on the dangerous/stupid question, but it makes no difference to the advice the OP needs. Her actions, and those of the school and diocese, need to be the same either way.

AgentPidge · 13/04/2026 14:22

worldsgonemadnow · 13/04/2026 11:04

It doesn't matter. Any adult behaving in the way this person is alleged to have behaved is either a predator or very stupid. Either wat, any sex, it needs to be investigated and addressed properly.

Show quote history

See my reply above.

AgentPidge · 13/04/2026 14:22

nOlives · 13/04/2026 09:45

@AgentPidge why do you need to know? If OP doesn't want to tell us then how does that affect you? If you've asked several times then accept the answer you're being given.

I just think it's odd to not say, because It doesn't give the whole context. I said it because it seems relevant after OhWiseOne's comments about her seeming to change her story. It would still be wrong of course, but there's a lot of difference between a pervy bloke and a lovely granny type giving a little girl money for an Easter Egg for example, if she'd said she hadn't had one. Yes, still not appropriate. But context. We wouldn't know if the granny was pervy, but it's a lot less likely.

worldsgonemadnow · 13/04/2026 11:04

AgentPidge · 12/04/2026 20:59

I want to know why @TakeALookAtTheseSwatches hasn't told us the sex of this person, after being asked several times. It's hardly going to prejudice any outcome or give away the person's name.

Show quote history

It doesn't matter. Any adult behaving in the way this person is alleged to have behaved is either a predator or very stupid. Either wat, any sex, it needs to be investigated and addressed properly.

nOlives · 13/04/2026 09:45

@AgentPidge why do you need to know? If OP doesn't want to tell us then how does that affect you? If you've asked several times then accept the answer you're being given.

AgentPidge · 12/04/2026 20:59

OhWise1 · 12/04/2026 02:56

She seems to have changed her story.

First she was sitting next to the vicar, now the vicar was sitting at tge back ot the hall on a sofa.
First she said the other girl saw the incident and could corroborate, but the other girl said she didn't and only saw your dd take the money out of her bag.
I'm all for listening to children when they make a disclosure, but this story is starting to unravel!

I want to know why @TakeALookAtTheseSwatches hasn't told us the sex of this person, after being asked several times. It's hardly going to prejudice any outcome or give away the person's name.

Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 12/04/2026 20:10

DestituteDesperate · 12/04/2026 17:37

You’ve reported this now as a safe guarding issue presumably so the facts should be ascertained by the relevant authorities.

Show quote history

Yes, I still haven't heard anything so I'm not expecting to until the school reopens on the 20th.

OP posts:
DestituteDesperate · 12/04/2026 17:37

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 12/04/2026 17:32

You are mistaken. I assumed she was sat next to the vicar because she originally said they were sat "near" each other but when I asked some more detailed questions she then told me the exact seating positions.

The girl who possibly saw the interaction happen asked my daughter about it but my daughter lied to the girl and said the money was from her bag because she had been told by the vicar to "keep it between you and me".

Show quote history

You’ve reported this now as a safe guarding issue presumably so the facts should be ascertained by the relevant authorities.

Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 12/04/2026 17:32

OhWise1 · 12/04/2026 02:56

She seems to have changed her story.

First she was sitting next to the vicar, now the vicar was sitting at tge back ot the hall on a sofa.
First she said the other girl saw the incident and could corroborate, but the other girl said she didn't and only saw your dd take the money out of her bag.
I'm all for listening to children when they make a disclosure, but this story is starting to unravel!

You are mistaken. I assumed she was sat next to the vicar because she originally said they were sat "near" each other but when I asked some more detailed questions she then told me the exact seating positions.

The girl who possibly saw the interaction happen asked my daughter about it but my daughter lied to the girl and said the money was from her bag because she had been told by the vicar to "keep it between you and me".

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 12/04/2026 17:04

OhWise1 · 12/04/2026 02:56

She seems to have changed her story.

First she was sitting next to the vicar, now the vicar was sitting at tge back ot the hall on a sofa.
First she said the other girl saw the incident and could corroborate, but the other girl said she didn't and only saw your dd take the money out of her bag.
I'm all for listening to children when they make a disclosure, but this story is starting to unravel!

God, seriously, op?
She probably nicked it…

OhWise1 · 12/04/2026 02:56

She seems to have changed her story.

First she was sitting next to the vicar, now the vicar was sitting at tge back ot the hall on a sofa.
First she said the other girl saw the incident and could corroborate, but the other girl said she didn't and only saw your dd take the money out of her bag.
I'm all for listening to children when they make a disclosure, but this story is starting to unravel!

FlyingWomble · 11/04/2026 23:26

worldsgonemadnow · 11/04/2026 09:51

@Needspaceforlegothere may be no immediate danger for OP's child, but other children may well be at risk.

This.

worldsgonemadnow · 11/04/2026 17:36

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 11/04/2026 16:16

Pre-empting the investigation by questioning/speaking to either party, the victim or the perpetrator is a huge no no and should not be undertaken in any circumstances. It should be left to the professionals.

Edited

100%. Because of the potential for leading the witness.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 11/04/2026 16:16

Pre-empting the investigation by questioning/speaking to either party, the victim or the perpetrator is a huge no no and should not be undertaken in any circumstances. It should be left to the professionals.