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Original poster

Child given money by "Vicar" at school

812 replies

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 03/04/2026 20:51

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

OP posts:
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hahabahbag · 03/04/2026 22:49

Btw all kinds of denominations go into non religious schools, if they are not from an established church with a proper safeguarding hierarchy, contact the police directly because you can’t risk it being ignored. Whilst we as a c of e church look after 2 church schools, the non church primaries are visited by Baptists, Methodists and an independent church in my town, the Catholic Church look after the catholic schools

CatJump · 03/04/2026 22:48

GloriaHeeler · 03/04/2026 21:05

That’s still not OK. We don’t even tell the dc in our school to keep their Mother’s Day cards a secret. Never mind a fiver from a bloke who was visiting the school.

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On that topic - we always go with "keep it a surprise" for mothers and fathers day gifts from ks1. Gives them the prompt to save if for the day but a surprise is waiting for the right moment rather than keeping something "hidden" like a secret.

SinnerBoy · 03/04/2026 22:47

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:30

She's in County Durham. Tbe schools finished on Fri 27th, but maybe it's a private school or running a different term for some reason.

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North Tyneside here, the normal schools finished yesterday.

Anyway, I'm on team: "He's a wrongun, get it reported."

Giving her money and telling her to keep it quiet is 100% grooming. Call the Police, dont be fearful about it. Call the council education department ASAP.

I can't believe that 18 people voted that you are unreasonable.

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:45

BillieWiper · 03/04/2026 22:45

Of course! If it was legit he'd give eggs to all the kids or do a contest to win one or something. Not money to one child only. And he wouldn't tell her to keep it secret?!

Yes, it's that last bit that's concerning.
Basic safeguarding broken there.

hahabahbag · 03/04/2026 22:45

@MagicTape we broke up on Thursday here, n somerset.

im a safeguarding officer for c of e, you can report a concern to either the church they are attached to or the diocese if you are more comfortable with that, our names are on church websites or A Church near you.

if they are not Church of England similar arrangements will apply. This is not acceptable ever, even if given in response to a child saying they cannot afford food, it always needs to go through staff at the school, documented etc.

BillieWiper · 03/04/2026 22:45

Of course! If it was legit he'd give eggs to all the kids or do a contest to win one or something. Not money to one child only. And he wouldn't tell her to keep it secret?!

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:44

Please contact the Diocese of Durham. Info on their website.
Tell them exactly what you've said here.

moto748e · 03/04/2026 22:42

I think asking other mums for more details if possible (if you think there are any you could confidently approach) would be a useful idea. And it wouldn't hurt to contact the diocese too. I think you're right to hold off on the police at this point, OP.

lazyarse123 · 03/04/2026 22:41

{mention:MagicTape}{mention:MagicTape}why@MagicTapewhy would you check school dates? If you don't believe op just scroll on by.

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:41

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 03/04/2026 22:40

County Durham broke up yesterday, 2nd.

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Right. The schools I know must be outliers, fine.

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:40

Zanatdy · 03/04/2026 22:38

They don’t all as I was with a colleague this week and she told her their schools last day was thursday. Either way, why does this matter - is everyone trying to suggest Op is lying?

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I am responding to another poster.
Nowhere on this thread have I accused the OP of lying.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 03/04/2026 22:40

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:30

She's in County Durham. Tbe schools finished on Fri 27th, but maybe it's a private school or running a different term for some reason.

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County Durham broke up yesterday, 2nd.

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:39

Don't wait until school opens.
Also contact the Diocese and report the vicar tomorrow.

Zanatdy · 03/04/2026 22:38

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:30

She's in County Durham. Tbe schools finished on Fri 27th, but maybe it's a private school or running a different term for some reason.

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They don’t all as I was with a colleague this week and she told her their schools last day was thursday. Either way, why does this matter - is everyone trying to suggest Op is lying?

Daffodildahlia · 03/04/2026 22:36

Firstbornunicorn · 03/04/2026 22:32

Trying to give the benefit of the doubt, if your daughter was sitting next to the vicar, I wonder if she ended up in some kind of object lesson involving a £5 note and got to keep it at the end? I used to be involved in church work and this kind of scenario was quite common.

Whaaat?

I've never heard of such a thing. What church/denomination were you involved with ?

Anon501178 · 03/04/2026 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Always one.....please get with the times and realise that adults are not all innocent and do abuse children.
Seriously, I hope you would not give your child that disbelieving response.
This is how people get away with SA.

Daffodildahlia · 03/04/2026 22:34

ThistleTits · 03/04/2026 22:31

Why not?

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I agree.
I don't think we're getting the whole story here.
That doesn't mean that I think the child is at fault BTW

Firstbornunicorn · 03/04/2026 22:32

Trying to give the benefit of the doubt, if your daughter was sitting next to the vicar, I wonder if she ended up in some kind of object lesson involving a £5 note and got to keep it at the end? I used to be involved in church work and this kind of scenario was quite common.

ThistleTits · 03/04/2026 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why not?

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:30

Needspaceforlego · 03/04/2026 22:27

Yes most of Scotland stopped Thursday but Scotland generally don't have vicars go into schools, Ministers and Priests Yes, Vicars No

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She's in County Durham. Tbe schools finished on Fri 27th, but maybe it's a private school or running a different term for some reason.

littleorangefox · 03/04/2026 22:30

Needspaceforlego · 03/04/2026 22:27

Yes most of Scotland stopped Thursday but Scotland generally don't have vicars go into schools, Ministers and Priests Yes, Vicars No

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Couldn't tell you tbh. My kids school never have anyone religious visit nor do they go to church and I can't remember what we called the head of the church next door when we were at school. I'm sure I've heard people refer to them as vicars in Scotland but maybe not.

MadeInGrimsby · 03/04/2026 22:28

tiptoethrutulips · 03/04/2026 22:26

I teach in a primary school. I would lose my job if I did this.

If a Vicar did this, he'd lose his job too. They have a lot of safeguarding training now. They know what to do.

Needspaceforlego · 03/04/2026 22:27

littleorangefox · 03/04/2026 22:18

Not everyone on Mumsnet is in England or Wales. Most schools in Scotland finished yesterday. She has since clarified that she is indeed in England though.

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Yes most of Scotland stopped Thursday but Scotland generally don't have vicars go into schools, Ministers and Priests Yes, Vicars No

Daffodildahlia · 03/04/2026 22:27

Raindropskeepfallingon · 03/04/2026 22:18

My children go to a CoE school. There are multiple people from multiple churches involved in collective worship at all sorts of points. There is one vicar at the attached CoE church, but there’s also been curates from there and leaders of other local churches of other denominations in school leading assemblies - all of whom my young child might call “a vicar”, not knowing the differences.

And my local CoE church does not have a feet washing service or an Easter vigil and the table at the front of church looks no different to how it usually does. Not saying they aren’t busy, but I’m not sure you can extrapolate from your church to all of them.

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That's interesting.

I assumed that it was a C of E School and that's what happens in my area.

I wasn't aware that Priests/Pastors/Ministers from other denominations apart from C of E could lead Collective Worship in C of E schools ?.

If that is the case then this guy could be one of any of a number of people, but the school should have a record of who was there on that day and that should narrow it down.

In that case the school should be the first port of call.

FinalFinalFile · 03/04/2026 22:27

Zanatdy · 03/04/2026 21:31

Newsflash, different areas have different holidays.

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Oh no, but how can they faux-naively cast aspersions on OP now then? That’s quite inconvenient.

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